I think this is gross and can't do it. I tried and it just made me sick. He says that I am very selfish for not wanting to please him and that we should divorce. I just don't think of him in the same way anymore. Almost so grossed out that I can't have normal sex with him now. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I have 2 kids and I am so confused. I got married to stay married I hate for my marriage to end over somthing so dumb.
2006-09-26 09:49:34 · 41 answers · asked by sweetjennmill 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You tried it and didn't like it so he should respect that. If he can't and believes this is so important to him that he needs to divorce you then let him. You can't be in a marriage where you are forced to do something you don't like. It is better to have your self respect and be divorced than to live your life hating what you are having to do to stay married.
2006-09-26 09:54:16 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a very serious issue. Your husband has no respect for your feelings asking you to do something that goes against your will. He's emotionally sick in the head and needs some serious counseling. He's just trying to manipulate you by saying you are very selfish for not doing something he knows is wrong. He's the selfish one because he only wants what he wants at any cost. You can't do something that goes against what your conscience is telling you. Tell your husband that your going to tell his family what he expects of you and see how he likes that. If he doesn't seek some kind of couseling than you should, so you can see that it isn't you that has the problem. Think with your head not your heart. This is not a dumb issue, it's a very serious one and you can't have your children in the same house with a man who is sexually sick and twisted. Look up the definition of love you'll see that your husband has no clue.
2006-09-26 10:07:47 · answer #2 · answered by sfss50 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No kidding... Wow. Try counseling with hubby. It wouldn't be the first time a couple didn't fall into bed with the same thing in their head. He has a desire. You have a negative view of that desire. Who's right? You both are. You can't judge an emotion or desire right or wrong. It is what it is. It's personal to us all.
Have you never fantasized about anything that you wouldn't be proud to share? No, I'm not fishing, i don't want to know. I'm guessing you have. Think of your deepest darkest fantasy that you have enjoyed. Don't say you don't have one, everyone does. Now put hubby's desire next to it. Yeah, now he doesn't seem way out there, does he? Yes, it's not my bag either, but it doesn't seem way out there when compared to other peoples, including mine, deepest fantasies. Just not the same as yours, think of it that way. Thinking that way, I hope you can reconsider your over all view of your hubby.
Look on the bright side, he trusts you enough to share his deepest desire. That's a lot of trust! I'm it's not something he shares often. Maybe a compromise that you both can live with and enjoy, be creative. The guy wants something up his butt in a sexual manner. I'm sure you can work with that as a part of your sex play. By the way, try to get creative while you are aroused, it will make you more open minded. Good Luck
2006-09-26 10:04:19 · answer #3 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that he would want this and you were so affected by it.
Sounds like he as a psychological problem, but you will be hard pressed to find a psychiatrist to say so.
You need to talk to him about it and he needs to accept your concern. Marriage is not about sexual deviancy. If he is a Man he will let it go and continue to do what is right by you and his family.
I would hate to see a divorce just because of the lack of a sexual deviant activity. You are right to feel the way you do, but at least try and make a go at talking to him about it first.
I hope the best for you.
2006-09-26 10:31:11 · answer #4 · answered by Martin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all let me say that one of my daughters is gay, so I have no phobia's dealing with the issue. I love her and am proud of her for her accomplishments
Now to your husbands issue, I wonder if this is just a kink, or if in fact he has had/ is having homosexual experiences. If so, then you are possibly exposed to STD's. Secondly if this has occurred since you were married then he has broken his wedding vows and cheated on you.
If this is not the case, then I would suggest marriage counseling with a professional. I feel few in the clergy would truly understand of offer good advice on this.
Either way, sex between husband and wife is supposed be mutually acceptable to both partners. Making love is not supposed to be gross or disgusting to one or the other.
2006-09-26 09:59:19 · answer #5 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men like that and if it is so important for him to have a woman who will participate then I hate to say that maybe you two should split. Sex is a huge part of a marraige, it shouldn't be the biggest part but it is huge! A man's prostate is stimulated from the inside of his anal cavity, I know that sounds gross...but that is the spot that is like a g-spot for a woman....a man can have amazing orgasms from having that spot stimualted...most men won't even think about having anyone go anywhere near his butt....but some men love this. I agree that he may even have bi-sexual or gay fantasies as well. If you can't relate...seek counseling first...and if you can't work it out you may have to consider moving on. Sorry to say it.
2006-09-26 09:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by Shae 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he should meet my soon-to-be ex wife, who thinks she grew one.. Seriously?? If he was calling you selfish, I really don't like the way it sounds to be heading. Marriage counseling may help. If you still seriously want to work things out, just remember it takes two to work things out. If you can get over the fact he wanted that, and acted like that, maybe he can get over the fact that you will not do something that disgusting for him. Keep talking, and tell him the more y'all talk about the situation, the better chance y'all have of staying together. I know he doesn't want to lose a loving wife, and family over this.
2006-09-26 10:13:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do the words freak or weirdo mean anything to you? FYI your husband is the one who is selfish- I'd be asking when exactly his fantasy came to be and the try to guage whether or not he has acted on it with anyone else.
Oh and I'm sure that when you said that you got married to stay married- you meant, to a person who wouldn't try to force you to do things that you didn't want to right?
Your tried, didn't like- now if he can't understand that, send him to counseling, go get your HIV test and then send him on his way (don't forget to send his strap on with him)
2006-09-26 09:56:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one, go and get tested. Your husband may have experimented with that before, or may be on his way now. Either way, get checked out from A to Z, especially the HIV test. In case he has been engaging in any secretive homosexual activities.
Also, he is just wrong. Period. And I wouldn't look at him the same if he were my husband either. I raised an eyebrow at my boyfriend when he said he wanted to put 'it' in the 'other' hole.
Well, regardless.......you should be concerned and you should get checked out. I am in the healthcare field and I see too many women come in with what they think is a little cold, and leave with their lives completely devastated because a selfish, inconsiderate husband or significant other decided to play around and keep it a secret.
2006-09-26 10:02:41 · answer #9 · answered by lilac b 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would talk it out more before divorcing. I think there could be a middle point to this. It does not mean he is gay. More than half of the guys Ive talked to about this say they would like to experience it but like women just fine. They wont admit it in front of other guys though.
2006-09-26 09:56:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋