A friend of mine in America had an affair with another man a few years back and he has recently resurfaced demanding that she have sex with him otherwise he will tell her husband about them.
Her husband has a volatile nature, they have a young child together and my friend doesn't want to break up the family by telling him the truth.
She doesn't want the other man hurt (my first piece of advice!) and just wants rid of him without her husband finding out.
Any advice on who she could contact or go to for discreet help? Nothing illegal please.
2006-09-26 09:34:16 · 15 answers · asked by reaper8436247 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Damn!
She slept with him to make him go away and now she says she feels hollow inside. I hope she doesn't do something stupid...
2006-09-26 10:06:54 · update #1
There is an old saying "To tell one lie you have to tell a hundred to get out of it". Your friend has dug herself a huge hole and now feels very lost in it and I would imagine scared as hell.
First of all this man is a bully and a controlling one at that. He is using what they did to not only scare her but to also get out of her what he wants more sex.
Secondly she has had an affair she regrets with all her heart by the sound of it and now she is stuck with yet another indescretion.
I know i have just stated the obviouse but sometimes you need to state that to your friend to put it well in to reality as sometimes that does help put things into perspective.She may be able to see things clearer and what do do.
Now down to the evil creep.
One he is blackmailing her for sex and if she does not conform he will tell her husband. She has to say NO NOW and call his bluff and tell him she is no longer going to have sex with him and if he does not like it go ahead and tell her husband. He may not tell and is just using a scare tactic.
Two she needs help and help fast i cannot speak for the law in America but over here what he is doing is immoral and most definatly illegal. We can go to the police and explain the situation if someone has harrassed you more than twice and they have been told not to harras you then you can take out an injunction to keep them away perminatly. You can go to a solicitor and tell them what has happenend and they can write a letter to the person warning of a injuction ect we would have to pay a fee for a letter to be done around £50 and upwards. We can get free legal advise but if you want anything done there is a fee unless on a benefit and even then there are only certain things that can be paid for.
We have many organisations over here that we can call for free confidentual advise you would have to find out if they have that out there.
The last resort which to be honest would be my first is to tell her husband the truth and face the concequencies of that. At the end of the day your friend had an affair why? What was wrong in her marriage to make her have an affair? Is everything ok with her marriage now? She sounds scared of her husband to me as he has a "volatile nature" you said. I think your friend has a bit more to worry about than she has actually said and that she has no confidence, no self esteem or self worth to let two men walk over her and to me that is the real issue. I may be wrong you know her I do not but she does need a lot of help.
Solicitor/police/advise agencies are my best shot for a quick legal way out.
Morally i would confront husband and sort that out then the other man has no hold she may have no marriage but itsound as if it is not ideal and he is another form of control person.
I hope this helps in some way sorry if it sounds all to much but only have information you put and by the way you have added things nothing is helping or working so i hope this helps in some way.
2006-09-27 08:48:05 · answer #1 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-08 07:20:36 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the guy. If he confronts or phones the husband, deny everything -- for her: "I have NO idea how this guy found out all that stuff, None, zero, zilch, and counter why anyone would want to do that to us." A good ploy might be for her to ask her husband does he have any enemies that would want to hurt him????? The guy is clearly a nut case, very cleaver, and your friend will have to become the world's top actress. Meeting with him will only encourage him.... these guys like any attention at all, even if it is negative. He might even attempt blackmail. don't respond to contact or threats. If they don't stop, have the couple call the police and get a restraining order...
2006-09-26 09:45:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is threaten her she needs to go and get a restraining order on him , contact the police ... If he tells the husband all she gotta say is that he is lying she met him somewhere and he liked her and he wanna be with her and she said no .. tell her to lie her butt off BUT make sure her story are always the same.. or she can tell her husband she messed up
2006-09-26 09:56:56 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Army Wife ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother had the same exact problem with a girl he got with, what she did was she came and lived with us for awhile until she felt safe. The idiot went back to the stalker however but hey, it's her life I guess.
What you should have your friend do is to tell her that she honestly needs to tell her husband the truth. While it may break them up it's a lot better to be truthful than it is to have a mounting emotional issue over something like that.
2006-09-26 09:37:16 · answer #5 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should have thought about the possibility of losing her family before she committed adultry. Doesn't she know that what is in the dark shall come to the light eventually? I wonder if she was thinking about her child and husband while she was "doing some other guy"? Her husband needs to know what kind of woman he is married to. I hope he finds out. She should get what she deserves for putting her physical desires before her family. Good Day!!
2006-09-26 09:52:07 · answer #6 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is going to have to tell her husband because if this "stalker" guy is a threat he needs to know, especially for the sake of their child...
She needs to be open and honest, then maybe her and the husband can go to the police together.
2006-09-26 09:38:20 · answer #7 · answered by slim27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact the authorities. They'll know how to handle it. But she is going to have to come to the realization that her husband may find out in the process. Stalkers are no joke.
2006-09-26 09:37:28 · answer #8 · answered by racha 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she could file for harassment if he is getting that bad, although the inevitable is going to happen so I think she would be better to tell her hubby before anyone else does. At least that way he will get her side of the story and not his..
2006-09-26 09:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by rockin mermaid 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wasn't your first piece of advice illegal ? she needs to be honest with her partner and call in the authorities as blackmail is a serious offence......
2006-09-26 09:38:50 · answer #10 · answered by pat.rob00 Chef U.K. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋