My wife wants to separate for 6 months and then see whether we can work out or issues?

Question

Does this sound kosher to you?
We really are not getting along.
No major issues like abuse, etc.

Answer 1

Might as well get a lawyer. Separation almost always ends in divorce.

Answer 2

As a wife of 24 years who recently seperated, I understand where your wife is coming from. After two and a half years of counseling and constant fighting, I could no longer take the stress of day to day living. The only solution I could see was living in seperate houses. I moved into a small apartment as I could not afford the house we were in alone, and did not want to depend on him financially. The whole point of the move, was to give us some time and space apart so maybe we could quit fighting about every litle thing and really work on the problems we have. It has been six weeks and things are still about the same with us, although my stress level has decreased greatly. I do still love him, but not in the way I should love a husband. I am hoping that time and work on the relationship will lead us back together. Divorce is a scary and permanant option. I have two grown children and they are having a hard time dealing with this as well. Whoever said divorce was easy has not contemplated it. It is a difficult and emotional time of life. There can be many reasons why your wife is wanting this. I don't think it automatically means she is looking elsewhere. Maybe she just wants some time to collect her thoughts and decide what she wants. Maybe she is hoping the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder will be true. If you love your wife and want to make it work, you might consider this option. Good luck to you. It is not fun or easy and you will feel you are on a roller coaster at times.

Answer 3

Gino, take the six months off. It will give you both a chance to back off, collect your thoughts and evaluate the relationship and see if it is salvagable.

There should be terms. If this is about seeing where the relationship is headed, then there should not be any kind of seeing other people. And so that the connection isn't completely severed, you should make dates to see each other atleast once a week to discuss where you are mentally....and stuff like that.

I know that sometimes when you are in th middle of something and you get no time or distance from that person, you may be mixed up on the inside. Sometimes a little quiet time and space can help you get it all in perspective.

Answer 4

It sounds like your wife is trying to relieve her guilt for wanting out of the marriage by saying she wants a separation. She wants to see if the grass is greener on the otherside and keep you waiting in the wings. If she's serious about working on issues than I suggest you both go to a marriage counselor. She can't have it both ways and step all over your feelings while she's trying to figure out what it is she wants. Noone ever said being married is easy and you just don't run when things aren't going your way. If you truly love one another the counselor will help open those lines of communication between the two of you. If she's not willing to work at the marriage than it's probably over and there is only one option. Divorce and move on.

Answer 5

I would talk to your wife and really find out why she wants to seperate. If she talks to you and tells you what is bothering you and you can try to change whatever she doesn't like there is no need to seperate. Everyone has issues in marriage and doesn't get a long for a time but you just work thru it. I would consider counseling and then after that doesn't work consider or think about it. Separation and divorce should be a last resort. Marriage takes hard work if you want it to work. Divorce and Seperation is easy. If you want a good marriage you gotta work for it. Good luck.

Answer 6

It may not be a bad idea. Make sure you have all of the ground rules set first, like whether or not you will be seeing other people. I don't suggest this, but it's your marriage not mine. I personally would not allow it. However, it is something that needs to be discussed. Too many times people have their issues, divorce and then remarry... what a waste of money! A divorce can run you each several thousands of dollars. Whatever you decide to do, good luck and I hope it all works out.

Answer 7

No, it sounds like a cop out. You two should seek marriage counseling from a professional or your pastor/priest/rabbi and go to counseling together. More than likely this is a maturity issue if no children are involved. If she won't go to counseling than you go and work on your issues. You don't say how long you have been married but I would bet under 5 years and you are in your 20s. Life changes as you grow together and sometimes it isn't pleasant but you BOTH signed on for the long run. There is NO REASON you can't seek counseling. . . nothing shameful in that and it WILL probably save you marriage. Being apart will NOT save it.

Answer 8

are you going to be in counseling together during this 6 months? If not, it's not a good idea if you want your marriage to work.
Good luck!

I wonder, although it's not my business, do YOU want to separate from your wife? Have you two discussed your issues (not getting along) and searched for solutions or is it just "easier" to separate. These are all things you should think a lot about...if you aren't already.

Let me know if I can be of any help!

Answer 9

Give it a try, but unless something major changes, sounds like it's over. I know, I did it to my husband. And the only reason I wanted to separate and then "see" after that was because I still cared for him and wanted the security of being able to go back to him if I wanted. It's a bad situation. If I were you, I'd just separate. Some people might say counseling, but it's no good if you aren't BOTH 100% for it. (my husband tried that, too.) Separate and consider it done, unless you decide to take her back. (My husband did that, too, and now, 3 LOOONG agonizing, heart breaking years later, we're finally divorcing.) Best of luck to ya!

Answer 10

no it doesn't sound kosher. You all need to start dating each other again. Do things that you use to do that made you fall in love with each other. Those are the important things right now. Go out to dinner and a movie, go out for a night on the town. Put a card in her car just b/c or write I love you on the bathroom mirror with her lipstick. Its up to you to keep this relationship alive, you both have to work at it.

Answer 11

Look I just got out of a seven month relationship were we had a bit of time for seperation on more then one occation. I can not proven it with pics. and what not I knew her well enough to know she cheated on me three times. is that somethin you are willin to go through? not sayin she will I am sayin it's a possability. She is askin for 6 MONTHS. I'd tell her if she leaves it's over with and that you're filein for a divorce cause you don't need the stress and everything else that comes along with it my friend. I am giveing you my personal experiance. I just went through this not long ago. and I always got lies from her about this and that and she seemed to think she didn't ever have to be held accountable to the relationship. however it is your marriage not mine.