My husband and I recently divorced (six months from separation to divorce becoming final). Our son is 8 and is having trouble adjusting to the changing situation. We have put him in counseling to make sure he is okay. My ex had an affair and is planning on moving in with the other woman in a couple of months. He has already introduce her to our son as a friend. When I talk to my ex about our son's concerns he always downplays the impact his new relationship will have on our son. "He will adjust - and he will be fine". When my friend went through her divorce my ex was the first to criticize her ex about what he was doing to their son. Now that the shoe is on the other foot he seems to have forgot everything he said. He is damaging his relationship with his son and I am getting a little tired trying to make him see that. I do not say anything bad to our son about my ex or the other woman but I am getting a little tired of covering for him. Do I give up and let him deal with the fallout?
2006-09-26 08:53:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because there is child involved, and depending on old he is, family counseling would be a good idea. Counseling would clear the air and make the situation more understandable for your son. When your ex is telling your son that this new lady in his life is a friend, he is going to grow up with the idea that this woman will always be friend. Sooner or later he is going to question the circumstances, and maybe have bitterness towards him when he finds out that she is not just a friend, because he didn't tell him the truth from the start.
Family counseling lets all the problems come out, and helps them get resolved. I went through this when my parents were going through a divorce, I was 7, and old enough to think that something wasn't right. It was my moms idea to go to family counseling, and for things to get straitened out.
If your son is old enough to believe that your ex's "friend" is just a friend, it won't take much time for him to know what is going on.
2006-09-26 09:30:41 · answer #1 · answered by Dre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad your story is. I have no answer for you but I did want to offer what little support I can for you in what must be a hard time. I am impressed with how you are handling the situation with your son and your attitude towards your ex and the new "friend". I think that all you can do is exactly what you are doing now and let him do whatever he will. I doubt you will be able to talk any sense into a man who made the choice he did. Best wishes to you and your son. At least you are free now.
2006-09-26 09:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by JennyF 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way... your son's best interest should be your number one objective. It is way to soon for an eight year old to digest all that has happened thus far.... let alone introducing a new "live in" to the family.
My advise... contact your attorney, immediately. As a mother you have rights to the moral upbringing of your child. Having his father setting an example of infidelity and then live in girlfriends does not have to be tolerated. A judge can and will order that a child not be present in a home where sleep overs of the opposite sex are taking place. If your ex should remarry, then the child would be allowed overnight visits.
This isn't to say that your ex can not visit with your child.... by all means he should.... However, your child can only digest so much at once.
You are doing the right thing in not speaking badly about your ex... as hard as it has to be it should not be done in front of the children. In this world that we live in today, I am trying to keep my children innocent as long as I can.
Best of luck...
2006-09-26 08:59:21 · answer #3 · answered by shughes2000_2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately its the children that get the brunt of the divorce. Try not to say anything negative about his father. That could cause resentment down the road. Be supportive to your son. And dont forget your son doesn't NEED to know the details of whats really going on. He is only 8 years old.
2006-09-26 09:13:04 · answer #4 · answered by Chi_Indy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Unfortunately, all children suffer in any divorce. Unless you have stipulated in your separation agreement that this woman not be around your son, there is nothing you can do.
Besides, your ex insists that she be a part of his life, meaning your son's as well. Don't cover for him, let him give his own explanations, your son will appreciate it when he's older.
2006-09-26 09:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by T S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, both parents get equal rights to mess up the kids. If you are truly putting your son first by making real efforts to help him adjust, and you are not putting him in the middle (like bad-mouthing your ex) then you are doing the best you can. Now, you've got to let go of the outcome. You cannot control his dad. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I hope that helps.
2006-09-26 08:58:05 · answer #6 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first question, yes humans are distracted by affairs, and perhaps lose their sense of reason! Your second question, yes you should give up...you need to just focus on what goes on in your household and let your X husband dig his own grave...He is not listening...why do you continue to throw your pearl before the swine. Give up on controlling two households and just make sure your own is in order....and your 8 year old is old enough to know right from wrong...keep the focus on your life and be an example to him of the love of God...get him involved in Royal Rangers, and get him involved in Christian events...Other than that don't go preaching to your son, and just let the Lord take care of it all!
2006-09-26 09:10:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u tell him that daddy is a punk and that he doesnt care about his son, he is quick 2 critisize ur friend at the time but now its ok u need 2 ask daddy who is more important and when he does not choose his son file 4 sole custody of him and make sure u raise your son 2 be a real man because ur ex is not a man.
2006-09-26 08:58:25 · answer #8 · answered by q45dip 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be a good mom, and let him explain to his son why he is doing what he is doing. It's not your responsiblity to cover for him, let him answer questions from your son, and you just keep being supportive and comforting to your child. You are doing the right thing by not talking bad about them to your son. Just be supportive and comforting to your boy, everything will work out fine.
2006-09-26 09:31:15 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People need to grow up and take responsibility for their actions.
2006-09-26 08:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋