My ex and I separated (we are divorced) in August. My 8 year old daughter lives with me, but visits her father regularly. Her dad has female friends over to his house, sometimes as overnight guests, when my daughter stays with him. He feels there is nothing wrong with "friends" hanging out during his visitation time with my daughter, and considers it "socializing" my daughter. I feel that it is too soon for my daughter to be exposed to his "single life". How long should a parent wait before introducing new friends / girlfriends to a child, and what is your opinion about female "sleepovers" while my daughter is visiting? I would like to share all responses with my ex.
2006-09-26 08:35:04 · 9 answers · asked by goodkarma72 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
At this moment I am hammering out a "parenting plan" with my ex.
He is just the same...for some reason he doesn't see the importance of spending one-on-one time with our child, or that it matters more what we DO then what we SAY (some call it modeling behavior).
I have asked that my attorney put into the parenting plan that "there shall be no overnights stays with unrelated individuals of the opposite sex." My ex is opposed to this. The ex looks at how it will effect HIS life, rather that the child's life. Many judges I think will agree to add that to the plan.
I recommend that you document EVERYTHING and see if you can add something like that to your parenting plan.
It's so hard, isn't it? We are only concerned with raising the best possible child in less than ideal circumstances. It doesn't help when we have to try to convince the child's father why a child doesn't need to see casual dating and sex.
Good luck!!
2006-09-26 18:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personal feel that having his *female friends* over to *socialize* with him and his daughter during his visitations with her, is very unresponsible and not being a very good *roll Model* for her either. She is still hurt by the divorce and still has many questions about why it happen and is there still love there, was it her fault. She is so young and should be getting *quality* time with her daddy, that she really needs. Having his *female friend* stay the night with him while his daughter is there on their visitation is not only *unresponcible* but it is showing your daughter its ok to *get around*, why not, daddy does it. Its not giving her respect, its not teaching her self respect or values or morals for that matter. Besides the fact that it is *rude*. When is it the right time to introduce your child to a new partner? When you know that your partner is *the one* that you are going to marry. That this person isn't just gonna be around for a few months or maybe a yr or two and then be gone. Children get attached as well, and when its over in a relationship with someone that you have brought around your child and your child has come to like alot and probably care for, the break up isn't just about or between the adults, the child is breaking up with that person as well. Why should the child have to go through that and every other break up that comes down the line as well............. that is NOT protecting the child. That is subjecting the child to more then they should be subjected to. Its not that hard to love your child enough to want to protect them from strangers and hurt. Besides, today you can't trust people on a whim, why would you want to try to? A child is involved and its one thing to date and have a life, the *girl friend* can stay over on the nights the child is NOT there. And that is how it *should* be, and how your ex should have been doing this all along. If he is *afraid* to be alone with his daughter during visitations and this is his underlining way of saying that without words, then perhaps him and his daughter can stay at his parents house together, for her over night visitations. At least she would be with him and more family that she rarely sees I am sure, and not with a stranger or strangers that she doesn't know and *should NOT* be subjected to. BLessed be ........................... I hope this has helped.
2006-09-26 08:55:40 · answer #2 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See...my ex was DATING while we were still married...he was "living with" his girlfriend a year BEFORE the divorce even started...and he had my older children around maybe 2 weekends a month...when they broke up...he had the children(they were 7 and 5 at the time) meeting "the pump of the week" (my nick name for the bimbos he had around my children)...My children would come home and say..they liked dad's ex better than the lady he was with that week...he did this for about 3 yrs...different girl EVERY other week..The children weren't phased by the NEW girl (who ever it was)....they actually had a problem when the NEW girl became the PERMENATE one...and moved in with dad.
It's better to have mom and dad separate and happy...and if happy is with someone else...let them see that relationships can change...and mom and dad don't love each other anymore...BUT they will always love the children...and that's really what is MOST important...I like when my children see a LOVING relationship against what their father and I had..cause it sucked!!
2006-09-26 08:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, he should definitely NOT be exposing his 8 yr old daughter to his "friends" right now. She is at a very influential age right now, and even though she may not be aware of the additional "things" going on, they will be stored on her tape, and she will re-play them when she is older. This will cause her to inevitably try to be like the girls that her dad had over to the house. Additionally, she will prob get attached to some of these women, and then when the dad decides not to be with them any more, it will put a huge emotional strain on the daughter, and she will feel like it was her fault that all of daddy's "friends" always left. I was divorced (now re-married), and my son only met 1 of my girlfriends after the divorce, and that was my current wife after we had been together about 6 months. Not sure you can tell your ex anything he will listen to, but he should respect his daughter enough to exclude his girlfriends to spend the 1 on 1 time with his daughter that she so desperately needs right now in her life.
2006-09-26 08:41:34 · answer #4 · answered by Brian D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should not have over night guest while his daughter us over. he should be focused on her. i went throgh the same thing with my oldest daughter, who is grown now. her dad went thru women and to this day still does. they have a relationship , she dosent respect him the way she does me.you have to stay focused on yours and her relationship, make it all it can be.he is responsible for his own actions. if you dont feel your child is in danger,i think it will be okay. tell him not to see anyone why yalls child is over.maybe he will understand how you feel.i think a child should know about someone new only if it plans to be serious.maybe yall will reach an agreement, thats best for the child .thats whats important.good luck!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-26 08:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait, For one that is not right he should wait till the child is ready and you will know when that is. And having another woman stay while your child stays has got to stop because that is going to confuse her horrible and she is going to start wondering what is going on and its going to be hard for you to explain it to her where she will understand and its going to mess her up in her head horrible and make her wonder why daddy has a bunch of woman staying with him for the night. So make him stop that stuff..
2006-09-26 09:03:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
having sleep overs is confusing to your daughter. 1 It sets a poor example of morality.Do you both want your daughter to start sleeping around because daddy does it?2If he has a friend than he is not giving her quality time when they are together. 3 I understand your concern,and you are right. Protect your daughter.Be mature about giving him your side of the situation. Be firm.This IS too soon to be socialzing her to adult situations.
2006-09-26 08:48:12 · answer #7 · answered by nancy e 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think when the child is at least 15... maturity
2006-09-26 08:54:01 · answer #8 · answered by numba_1_babii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
immediately after letting the children know that they will have NEW PARENT
2006-09-26 08:38:55 · answer #9 · answered by ahhhlain 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋