My wife and I are trying for our first baby, hopefully the baby will be born when I am 26/27 and she is 24.
Her mother is being kept in the dark about us trying to conceive because she will not be happy for us.
My mother-in-law is never happy with anything my wife has done (completing college, marrying at 21, her career, us buying a house, etc.)
My wife doesn’t want her mother to know she is pregnant because her mother will ruin it like she ruined our engagement.
My wife is a wonderful person and its so sad she can’t share her pregnancy with her own mother.
My wife said she plans to wear baggy clothes and avoid her mother as much as possible when pregnant.
Its going to be hard, her mother lives in the same city as us!
She wants to hide the pregnancy for 4-5 months, is that possible?
I know when we tell her about the pregnancy she will be unhappy and say something to make my wife cry.
That’s why we don’t want her to know. We want to enjoy the pregnancy.
2006-09-26 08:33:18 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I'm sure she can hide it for a few months. Good luck!
2006-09-26 08:42:43 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow guys, well done and congrats in advance. You're so lucky to have found each other and to love each other so much, you're going to be the best ever parents and I'm really jealous of both of you and that baby! The mother-in-law problem really is a major issue and it must be a really awful thing to live with. Your wife's really fortunate that she has you and that you are so understanding and caring, sounds like she'll continue needing your support not least where her mother is concerned.
It sounds terrible but if I were her I'd distance myself from her, if she's so unreasonable she doesn't deserve to have an intimate part in your lives. Maybe once the baby is born, if she is denied access, she will realise just what she's pushing away. It's hard for people to change though and it sounds like she really has some psychological issues here so first and foremost you must protect yourselves and your new family. Is there any other family you can share this with? I understand you'll want to share this with someone who will be happy for you. Is there any family, siblings, etc who are in the same position as you or who know the situation and can sympathise? If not, you may find antenatal classes and that sort of thing a useful source of new friends who can get as excited about it as you.
Sounds to me as though you should avoid the mother-in-law as much as possible, make it clear that her comments are not welcome and concentrate on finding positive ways to do this. You two (or three) are the most important people in the world, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or does and adversity will hopefully make you stronger. Your baby is going to feel like the most loved creature in the world and having him or her in your lives will make your mother-in-law's absence less noticeable - you won't have time to worry about it! The key is to build a network of friends and associates who can give your wife the motherly support she'll need. Work on that and shut yourself off from the totally unfair critisism you suffer from. Enjoy this time and defend yourself from anyone who spoils it. Wish I could do more - I really feel for you!
Very best wishes - have fun and be positive.
2006-09-26 08:55:41 · answer #2 · answered by Katie D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law sounds like my mother. I grew up with a person like that and it sucks. If I were your wife I wouldn't even tell my mom I was expecting. That should be the happiest time for you both do not let your mother in law ruin it for you. If she does not come around after the baby is born stay away from her she is not worth it and you do not need her. Does your wife have any sisters or really close friends to share the happy news with when it happens? How about your mom does she get along with her? I just flew from Ma to Va to be with my daughter when she was to deliver, she had to have a c section so I could not go into the o.r. but I would not have missed this occasion for the world it is you mother in law who will someday realize she is old and lonely and only has herself to blame. Enjoy waiting for your baby and enjoy your baby once it is here. Do not let anyone make the best positive there is in life a negative. Good Luck and hope you have a large happy family . sign me mom of 5 grandma of 4 and hope there are lots more.
2006-09-26 08:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by advantage_taken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you appear to have the mother-in-law from hell. There could be a couple of reasons for her behaviour: One is that she's an old bag and she's liable to stay an old bag. Two is that she may be very unsettled by her husband's ill health? Which may make her grumpy and irritable? Your hubby seems to see exactly what is going on - which is one very positive step in the right direction. So, my advice is to take a deep breath and be the bigger person. Take your mother in law to one side and tell her you really want her to be part of this child's life and where exactly does her problem with you lie. Be calm, be rational but pin her down. What exactly is her problem. You may just find she's a very scared woman, terrified about a future without her husband and taking it out on you. Then you can very gently reassure her that you and your hubby - and the child to be - very much want her to be a part of your family and that if she is worried at all about anything she can come and talk to you - but she needs to drop the attitude as it makes it very difficult. I hope this works for you. Sometimes people need to be spoken to calmly about their bad behaviour in order to recognise whatt hey're doing. Alternatively, she may just be a rotten old bag, in which case there isn't a lot you can do, other than bite your tongue, smile sweetly and only see her when absolutely necessary. Good luck xxx
2016-03-27 11:29:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, your wife and her mom have issues and you are not the one who can resolve them. On the other hand, when your wife does become pregnant, if you know for a fact that she will not be happy for you, then don't tell her until your wife is at leat 4 months pregnant.
The first trimester is the riskiest and your wife does not need stress. It's not good for her or the pregnancy.
It is too bad that she can't share sucha wonderful thing with her own mother. You seam like a concerned husband, so the only thing I can tell you is be there for your wife, listen to her and don't get mad at her when she is going through mood swings.
Don't even think about telling your mother in law that you are planning because if she is not positive about it, that can affect how soon your wife becomes pregnant (psychologial blocage).
Best of luck to both of you!
2006-09-26 08:47:23 · answer #5 · answered by Jojo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rather than avoid or prolong what your wife and you predict will be an unhappy event according to your mother-in-law - tell her. But do so in a public setting by inviting her out to dinner. Telling her of the upcoming event in a such a setting will probably prevent her from creating a scene. Should she react with negativity - stop her in her tracks. Explain to her that this a happy occasion and meant to be celebrated. Let her know that you want her to be a part of her grandchild's life but you will not sit passively by and allow her to berate your wife on her life's choices - not now or in the future. If she persists simply end the dinner. Then you your and wife leave and continue your celebration elsewhere.
2006-09-26 09:07:38 · answer #6 · answered by mzmscheeveeuhs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's so sad!
It is your lives, and you have the right to live as you wish. There is no rule that you need to tell her that you are trying to conceive, or when your wife becomes pregnant.
The main thing is to decrease any stress for your wife.
My only concern is won't her mother be REALLY angry after finding out when your wife is 5 months pregnant? Will that cause more stress than telling her earlier?
I don't know, but I sure wish you and your wife the best! Sounds like she got a winner when she married you! Your compassion and love for her are fantastic. Good luck to both of you!!
2006-09-26 08:43:01 · answer #7 · answered by ItsJustMe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people don't show until 5 months or later, so you might be all set. Another thing to consider is that it sounds to me like your mother-in-law has some seroius problems, and thrives off of making others feel bad. If your wife hasn't been able to develop a thick skin around this (and I know it's hard when it's your mum) maybe she should get a little counseling to help her not take it to heart. Anyway, counseling that deals with her issues with her parents may help her to be a better parent in the long run.
2006-09-26 08:41:21 · answer #8 · answered by Emily O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most first time mothers don't show for several months. HOWEVER I totally understand how you feel...I just found I was pg again with our 3rd, unexpectedly. When I told my mil she said, "How are you going to handle another one. You can't handle the 2 you have." I cried my eyes out. She later called back and apologized and is now excited. I would tell her now and get it over with, then avoid her if you don't like her reaction. Good luck!! It'll work out. Sounds like mother in law has jealousy issues with your wife. That's her problem. Enjoy your life together and don't let her ruin it for you.
2006-09-26 08:51:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good grief, how awful for the both of you. I was ecstatic when I found out i was going to be a Grandma. How sad for the both of you that you can't share this with your family, makes me wonder how happy they were when they were pregnant with the both of you.
I think I'd move.
P.S. Congrats on your pregnancy and try to be happy despite how anyone else feels.
2006-09-26 08:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by Texas T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my dad was the same way your mother-n-law was. he had to complain about everything! but me and my fiance just said oh well we both now that we will love our baby more than anything in this world. I didnt try to hide my pregnancy cuz i was proud!!! i have tried to include my dad in some things with us and his grandson and when he starts in on us we just leave. so i dont think you guys should have to hide it. be proud that you 2 are having a baby!!!
2006-09-26 09:48:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋