I knew he was sort of uptight when we met but, he made an effort to loosen up and act like he was having fun with me. Now, he looks down his nose at most suggestions I make to have some fun. I'm not wild myself but I do like to cut loose occasionally and have a good time. We both maintain a very businesslike demeanor at work and in appropriate settings but everyone needs to let their hair down sometimes. We've been invited to parties and concerts but he shows no interest. I'd like to have a drink occasionally but he frowns on that. He doesn't like it if I tell a dirty joke or if someone tells one to me. I seems that what I find fun, entertaining or hilarious is beneath him. It bothers me to not be able to have fun with my own husband. I think that he is very concerned about others seeing him acting less than perfect and is afraid of being judged harshly. He is also rather judgemental himself. He wasn't always this way and I really don't understand why he is now. Any ideas?
2006-09-26 08:13:17 · 9 answers · asked by sunnygirl1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My hubby was very uptight too, and it drove me batty. He was especially concerned about how he and I acted in front of his friends, and I lost so much respect for him. (They're supposed to be your friends, why are you so concerned about impressing them? Get some cahones, man!) He eventually saw a therapist and learned that this behavior stemmed from his insecurity from when he was a child. (He was very fat, went through puberty years before everyone else, and moved to a new school when he was 6. He was never a jock and was teased for his weight until he got to high school.) Although he's now a successful, handsome, fit, kind man with a cool wife, that insecurity will never go away, but he's learned to manage it. I learned to be sensitive to it too. Now we're much closer, and he's loosened up a lot. He's more confident about himself now, and is usually the life of the party. Maybe offer you both see a therapist individually as an opportunity to learn about yourselves.
2006-09-26 09:57:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of it is that he is getting old. Some of it is the realization that when he is in public he is always "on" and something will come back to bite him later--and it will, when he least expects it, some unguarded moment will resurface.
I wonder if he has political plans, if so, he knows fully well that every little thing will be turned viciously against him by some political opponent. Ask him, "If you were to run for political office, just IF, of course, which would it be?"
I just read in a recent report where some politician was accused of using "the n-word" DECADES ago when he was in college. Clarence Thomas had jokes told in the office used against him in his supreme court nomination hearings. George Bush left the national guard with the required number of points but was accused of going awol, by Kerry who left Vietnam early on a technicality and then told publicly lies or gross exaggerations on the soldiers still there. I bet your answer is there.
2006-09-26 15:47:36 · answer #2 · answered by Rabbit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your situation. My husband is very standoffish and definetly does not know how to let loose.
Yeah...this kind of thing SUCKS. Your husband is SUPPOSED to be like your best friend but if you can't totally be yourself which would involve goofing off I think something has to give.
Thing is though, I don't think you can change him any more than I can change my husband. I think you have to find friends to hang out with that know how to have a good time.
Maybe if your out and about with others your husband will miss you and crawl out of his shell to join in the fun. You can't change your husband but he CAN change himself. Only if he wants to.
2006-09-26 15:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by Shebaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is apparently struggling with some psychological problem. I don't mean mental illness, I mean his id and superego are battling it out. He is struggling with what he wants to do and what he thinks he should be doing, therefore judging you too harshly. Try and sit down with him and get to the root of the problem, what he is really afraid of. Maybe suggest counseling if he is open to that.
2006-09-26 15:23:24 · answer #4 · answered by me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to relax and take a chill pill and stop worrying about what others may or may not think of him. No one likes a prude, they're quite the borish people and life is to short for **** like that. You only live once.
2006-09-26 15:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that he was "sort of uptight" when you met him. The truth is that he has probably always been very uptight. Perhaps your initial attraction to him clouded your judgement. I dont believe that people make drastic changes in their personality that often. Learn to accept him.... or not.
2006-09-26 15:22:24 · answer #6 · answered by rootsman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he was stepping out of his shell when he met you to try and impress you. And now that he HAS you, he doens't have to push the comfort zone to keep you, so he has gone back to being his TRUE SELF.
2006-09-26 15:23:33 · answer #7 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my wife, except neither of us drink.
2006-09-26 15:49:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes we all seem to put up the false front when dating,,,
he wont change and you are seeing the real him
2006-09-26 15:35:40 · answer #9 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋