Ok i just asked a question but i dont think i explained myself well enough. I know im gonna have my baby no question about it and my parents already know, and they support me. What i was trying to ask is if i should let him be a part of my babys life or not? i have a good job and i know i could make it by myself but is it fair if i do it by myself, it is his baby too i didnt make this baby by myself and thats why i dont think is fair for me to take all the responsability, but at the same time i dont think he deserves us. im sooo confused so what should i do????
2006-09-26 08:07:34 · 19 answers · asked by verypretty 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
ok, so I didn't see part one of this but I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that the "him" you are referring to is the sperm donor/father/your husband/boyfriend/lover/brother/neighbor or something to that effect right? I can give you negatives and postives of both sides. I have two children, one boy and one girl. They have different fathers. When I was pregnant with my daughter, her father was there EVERY step of the way, he even went as far as monitoring my meals to make sure the baby had enough protein, veggies, fruits, etc... He was there throughout the whole thing, cut the cord and passed out cigars. We broke up two years later and although she lived with me, she visited him every weekend. They have, and always have had, a very tight bond. A few years ago, he said it wasn't fair that she live with me and said he wanted her to come live with her. I didn't want that because of course, she is my heart, but she was at an age where we decided it would be her decision. She decided to go live with her dad, then changed her mind and said she wanted to stay with me, but he wouldn't allow it because she had "already made up her mind earlier". Anyway, she has lived with him ever since. Now, he has decided that he wants child support (mind you, I have never NEVER asked for nor received child support from him) AND he has just moved out of state, with my daughter. I have gone through a LOT of stress, all of my daughter's life, but lately it has quadrupled. My daughter's father's wife (did you get that? lol) hates me with a passion. That is another story entirely, but she lives to make me miserable, through my daughter. She is so childish she once changed the home phone number and wouldn't give me the number so I could talk to my daughter because it was "her phone and she paid the bill". So, there's drama everywhere with those two little girls; the wife and my daughter. Now, on the other hand, I have a son. I love my son VERY much but his father is NO WHERE around. I like it that way, but my son is miserable behind it. He constantly asks me about him and I don't know what to tell him. My son is a product of a rape, and I don't want to dissolusion him but he's not old enough to know the truth. I don't know if I'll ever tell him the truth. Anyway, he has so many questions and it's really hard on me because he gets into a lot of trouble at school and I'm always the one who has to take time off of work to stay home with him or pick him up and it's VERY taxing on me, just dealing with him in general. I get so many calls from the teachers, principals, etc... I've thought of military school for him but do it. I would feel like I am abandoning him and he already feels that way, because of his "dad". So, I know this is long but I like that I don't have to argue with anyone or get approval for things regarding my son, I like that it is just me and him but I hate what it does to him emotionally. On the other hand, I know this is mean to say, but out of selfishness, I wish my daughter's father wasn't in her life, because then I wouldn't have to share her BUT... I can say, with him in her life, things have been easy. He has always helped with her, not financially like putting money in my hand for bills, but if I ever needed a day to myself, he was there to take her. If the school called and said she was sick and needed to be picked up, he would pick her up. It is great having him around, plus, he has enriched her life so much but it's really just easier for me, not having anyone around. Even though I deal with a lot of stress with my son and the only break we get from each other is when he's at school and I'm at work. All in all, I don't think it is fair to the child to be without a parent.My mother left me when I was 3 and it had a DEVASTATING effect on me. I idolized her and put her on a pedastal, the same way my son does to his father, only to find out that she is not who I thought she was. I thank God every chance I remember that she left me and my father. I know this is super long, but think of how this will affect your child. Having a good job and being to make it by yourself has nothing to do with the child. Put your feelings aside, whatever they may be, and think of the child, please :)
2006-09-26 09:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't really have a say as to if he should be a part of your baby's life or not, he did help make him/her. If you feel that he may not be a good dad as he is abusive or violent in anyway then you could ask for a restraining order or only allow him supervised visits.
You said that you will be able to support yourself as you have a good job, being a single parent isn't easy, whether you have the support of you parents or not, at the end of the day, your baby is your responsibility, how understanding will your bosses be when you have to take time off for whatever comes up?
Your bf may not deserve you but he does deserve the chance to be a father, you have plenty of time to sort this out.
2006-09-26 08:18:01 · answer #2 · answered by debs1701 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father deserves the choice, period end. It's his baby too. If there's some reason that he shouldn't be a part of the kid's life (abusiveness, alcohol/drugs, etc...) that's something you can take up with a judge. If he doesn't want to be a part of the kid's life, that's a decision he can make. But it is HIS DECISION, and both he and your child deserve you giving him that opportunity. Remember, the kid is gonna want to know his/her father, also, whether or not you like the guy.
2006-09-26 08:10:37 · answer #3 · answered by mojo4395 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's good the way you think as saying that you want the father to get involved...it doesn't matter if you have a good job and you can support your baby , but the law is the law ...have him give you child support and maybe you can save that money for your baby's education...and yes! your baby needs a daddy no matter how much you dislike him ,,,,it's not your baby's fault ,,it's you and the daddy that have to give him (baby) love...sometimes there's things we don't deserve , but when it comes to your own flesh we sure deserve it......good luck with your new baby!
2006-09-26 08:46:53 · answer #4 · answered by guess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay at home with your parents, that way hopefully they will care for your baby while you work. You have to give him a chance to be a good provider and father.......you don't have a choice her. You have to firm with him, do not enable him. Counseling might help, you have to understand too, this was just as much a shock to him as it was to you. At least you knew when your body started doing weird things....he was clueless, right? Give him time, give him space.....if he gets his crap together and treats you with respect you can consider building the relationship.......if you don't love him, you can at least be friends so that he is still involved with the baby. Hopefully all things will work out and you won't go through what I did....we had a miscommunication....when it was finally worked out, he had married someone else....then he realized he had made a mistake and missed what we could have had until the day he died. I also made a mistake when I tolerated all the crap my duaghters dad put me through.....thats why I included the part about respect!! If he doesn't respect you, you need not respect him!
2006-09-26 08:17:47 · answer #5 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he not want to be part of yours and the babies lives? It is much easier to raise a child with two parents instead of one, IF they get along! Your 6 weeks, that gives you a little while until you have the baby. In the end, even if you decide that you don't want him to be in your life, as the father he has rights, and if he wants to he can get visitation of the baby.
I hope everything works out for you!
2006-09-26 08:14:59 · answer #6 · answered by tnmomof2as 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is better for your child as it grows up to have the father in his or her life, unless he is abusive to you and/or the baby. Just because he hasn't got his act together yet or has some rough edges doesn't mean he won't make a good father, even if part time. He deserves a chance, if he wants it.
2006-09-26 08:11:33 · answer #7 · answered by Behhar B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the father should have a choose if he wants to be apart of you and your baby's life but he can't just come in and out of the baby's life. The baby does need to know who the father is but also the baby needs a father like figure though out his/hers life. So, you both need to really talk about it. Does the real father want to be apart of you and your babys life. If not then find somebody that wants to be a father like figure. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-09-26 08:28:16 · answer #8 · answered by JD0305 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the father should have a part in his child's life, like you said you did not make this baby yourself, have the father pay support just in case you can not make it on your own the baby will at least have food and clothes.
2006-09-26 08:11:32 · answer #9 · answered by Eyes of Green 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hope you learn from this situation. I am sure it's hard to be pregnant, hold down a job and worry what to do about the father of your child. Please think about the consequences before you get pregnant again. Don't think I am being hard. These posters only include answers for the immediate problem at hand, you need some long term advise, IMHO
2006-09-26 08:19:21 · answer #10 · answered by jr90292 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he abusive? I think you should let him be a part of the baby's life. Every child deserves a father in their life! You also should receive child support.. But please, make him pay support, but also do let him be in his child's life. If HE chooses not to, do not let him come in and out.. My dad did that and it would have been easier to have him just stay out... so if he is ready to be a father and step up, let him!
2006-09-26 08:11:57 · answer #11 · answered by mom_of_4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋