Is this child abuse?

Question

My daughter plays softball and one of the other fathers starting yelling at his daughter because he didn't think she was playing well enough. He told her she was lazy and she'd better play better or he would stop her catching lessons that he is paying for. He did this during the game right in front of all her teamates and the other parents, I was 50 feet away and heard him like he was standing next to me. I wanted to tell him I thought he was a complete *ss but my wife didn't want me to talk to him. I had not met this guy until that day. The coach told him to stop, which he did for a few innings and then started again and both teams could hear him yelling, he basically repeated what he had earlier said. Should I call Protective Services? I understand this is common for this guy.

She is 13 years old.

Answer 1

The true irony of this is that you are absolutely right. It is child abuse - it is emotional abuse - in Alberta under the child welfare act, emotional abuse is a reportable and investigatable situation however it is difficult to prove, to treat and to provide legal intervention unless there is a long documented history.

I would report it - you never know what goes on behind closed doors and perhaps there have been enough previous reports to result in action.

Answer 2

It is verbal abuse...but I wouldn't go calling protective services on that.

It's not at all right, but take it from someone who has done the score keeping a little league games for 5 years now, and whose dad runs the park where the games are played, it could be a lot worse.

Once again, what he's doing is not right, and you might consider saying something to him if he continues this, provided that you think that he is a rational enough person (which I highly doubt) I reccomend keeping an eye out for any physical abuse, and clue the coach in on this.

Some parents are completely wonderful people, but to see them at the ball park, you would wonder how the assholes sleep at night. I have seen them literally rig all-star elections of 8 yr olds!

Sounds like you may be dealing with one of these bottom-dwellers! Approach with caution...and good luck!

Answer 3

It's verbal abuse, which is abuse; and it's public, which puts it in the public domain. I'm not sure if you can do anything legally. I wonder if the coach can, though, or a school counselor. Is your daughter friends with the girl in question? If so, maybe she could talk to her, or put a bug in a counselor's ear.

Otherwise, you could be a little more grassroots: if you know any of the other parents (particularly guys), if this guy starts up again, you and/or more than one male parent should yell back at him that he's a pathetic bully and to shut up. If it was just you, a fight could start, but more than one might quell that. His actions become more of a spectacle and are drawn to the attention of more people...including, hopefully, any authorities that are nearby. Good luck.

Answer 4

I believe this is verbal abuse but I am not sure calling Protective Services is the first solution. Being a rec league coach, I have seen parents act like this and are not abusive in any other form, they just overact during sporting events. It is usually an attempt to live vicariously and correct any shortcomings they had as children. I would suggest spearheading a community effort to put in effect a policy that would allow coaches and umpires to eject any spectator acting in this way from the game. Two or three experiences where he is not allowed to watch his daughter maybe the only way to get through to him,

Answer 5

All of us are mandated to report suspected abuse to Child Protective Services. However, don't be disappointed if it doesn't achieve the result you are hoping for. CPS may or may not get involved.

Perhaps approaching the coach with your concerns and letting him/her handle it would be advisable. The coach can come from a perspective of asking the dad to play along with his/her coaching style of encouragement instead of berating players for mistakes.

Or, be a positive role model for the girl. Have your daughter ask her over to your house. While she is there, take opportunities to compliment her strengths. She will be able to see from the example in your household that not all families operate under the same dynamic. It is said that, to succeed, a child really needs at least one positive adult in their life, who is always supportive. Maybe you can informally mentor this girl, in such a way that you do not enrage her father.

That said, I pass on a note of caution. Someone who is willing to openly verbally abuse their child may be capable of more violence if they feel threatened. Be sure to plan for the safety of yourself and your family whatever route you choose to take.

Thanks for being a concerned citizen. If there were more people like you in the world, there would be less violence.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I have been in your situation and I called CPS. No one wants to call the authorities in a situation like this. I did it because I couldn't live with myself knowing that I could have done something to stop it.

I would ask you to consider: 1) If you are an adult and it bothered you, can you imagine how it made the child feel? 2) If this is what he does in public, what does he do in private? 3) He doesn't listen to coaches or other authority figures. That means he thinks it's okay to do whatever he wants to a defenseless kid. He might listen if the cops make him listen. If not, you might get a child out of what sounds like a living hell.

Answer 7

Unfortunately this is common with sports dads (and moms) If possible encourage the child and maybe mention to the coach to speak with the offender to offer the child more positive support. If you are feeling this strongly, speak with the offender and tell him you feel it is inappropriate to speak to his child this way in front of the other children, it must upset your child also. I am sorry to say Protective services most likely won't be able to help.

Answer 8

I consider that abuse, but I've seen alot of things done to children that I consider abuse or neglect, but I've learned through my sister who works at a private social services firm that it takes alot for child protective services to remove a child. And sometimes even after showing how bad the abuse is, nothing is done. Basically it's a fact of life that every child gets abused and/or neglected in some way.

Answer 9

This was verbal abuse and I feel very sorry for his daughter. It is humiliating to be belittled in front of her friends and other families. That man should be ashamed of himself. I'm not sure you can call protective services for just verbal abuse. Perhaps you could tape him and at some point in time show it to him so he can see how he looks and sounds.

Answer 10

NO, don't call protective services. It is a form of verbal abuse, but she is probably in a better home than she could find in foster care. Sadly, she is probably better off where she is. Azzhole dads who don't understand psychological trauma are abhorrent, but it's not something you should call the cops about. The coach should suggest counseling for him and you should do whatever you can to encourage the kid.