i wasnt expecting to be pregnant ive been with my bf, now ex for more that a year so when i found out i freak out im not that young n i still live with my parents so i was scared to tell my mom my bf always told me he wanted a baby but now that im pregnant he started to act different like he didnt want it so i felt bad cuz he wasnt there 4 me instead of making me feel better he was making me feel like s**t so we got in an arguement n i broke up with him for good (during our relationship we were alwas breaking up and getting back 2gether but we broke up 4 months ago cuz he did somethingreal bad n i got back with him without nobody knowing) so now he tells me he wants to be with me but i know if i stay with him my life would be like hell. so i dont know if i should let him be involved during my pregnancy n accept money from him cuz im hurt, i have a good job but i dont think is fair for me to take all the responsability but at the same i dont want him to be involved. wat u think?
2006-09-26 07:53:50 · 20 answers · asked by verypretty 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Check into all your options before making a decision - you need to think of the baby first. See what assistance is available to you through your local assistance office and also see how much help you will get from your family (not just financial support but emotional as well). Also look into counseling through a Womens Resource Center in your area - they are an excellent source for support and resources for someone in your position. It is a hard decision that you will make about the baby's father being involved - set personal boundaries with him and if he truly wants to be part of his childs life he will make the effort - if not then it is his loss.
2006-09-26 08:05:51 · answer #1 · answered by N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that sounds pretty hairy. I can tell you what happened to me when I was in a situtation similar and you take what you need out of it.
I was 2 years ago in a facility for D&A. I got out and decided to date this man and was really falling in love for him. We found out we got pregnant only a months after being together. I at first was so exicted and didn't think a thing of it. Well as time kept going I became more and more afraid of having the baby, being with someone that loved me and was so far away and 9 years older than me. I was still living at home and still had to finish high school. So I broke up with him and after a couple of weeks started to see someone else It killed him to know about this, but never pushed me away.
Getting pregant, expesially without planning it can be so stressful. With all of the emotions and stress and joy it brings it hard to tell between this and that sometimes. I tried talking to the babies dad all the time.
Now, him and I are married and planning on having our second. I'm not saying this man is "mr.perfect" but try and bear with him, he might be just as clueless as you right now and feel a lot of the same things.
Talk to him and see how he feels about it (without yelling). It is very important to give your baby all the love and lots of attention (+) so they can be happy and healthy. Try working things thru with this man and see how things go.
* I'm sorry if this doesn't work. I was rambling what I thought might be ok from my expeirience and thought it might help.
2006-09-26 08:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by Ayla_Trip 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself some time to think about this. Six weeks is very early so don't stress now or it could add to the chances of miscarriage. Talk to your parents but wait a week or two til it has a chance to sink in. They might be able to offer more real help than listening to a bunch of strangers, well intentioned they may be.
If you are sure you don't want this guy in your life you need to decide if that is the best thing for the baby as well. If you honestly think that he should not have any access to his child, which is fairly extreme, then you shouldn't expect him to pay anything.
Hope it works out for you.
2006-09-26 07:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by Behhar B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a responsibility to this baby. You don't have to be involved with him to allow him access to his child. He's responsible for child support after the baby is born, and if he's willing to help you pay for the pregnancy and baby items you'll need to buy, then great. You need to come to a decision about being with him, and if you decide not to be involved with him anymore, make it very clear to him. Tell him you want him to take part in the pregnancy and help raise the child, but that's all there is to it. Whatever you decide, stick with it. Don't feel obligated to be with him because of the baby.
2006-09-26 07:59:47 · answer #4 · answered by S. O. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard of the word "Abortion" and from that you should learn a valuable lesson... That is, unless you want the child and responsibilities that go along with that decision, and if you do your parents should become involved soon... You have big decisions to make and those should be made within the next 3 weeks... Either way good luck...
2006-09-26 08:08:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so are you only 6 wks pregnant? did you tell your mom yet? this guy with you is a toxic recipe. talk to your mom. i'm a mom and i've told both my girls that they better not be bringing babies home they know that if theyre going to have sex they first must let me know so we can take them to the drs. now you are knocked up, and say your not that young. look at what you wrote, and answer this question. am i too young to have a child? i'm sorry to say this but your life has been wasted. now you can't think of just yourself, or your boyfriend you have a child to think about. so stop thinking of yourself and deal with the mistake you made. this is called tough love, and i'm sorry if this is harsh but if you play you pay. do you believe in abortion? you better seriously think about this it's going to effect you entire life. good luck, i'm taking this as a lesson for my kids
2006-09-26 08:11:08 · answer #6 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you dont think he will be a good influence in you and your childs life, your probably right. Your instincts are telling you this. he doesnt need to be there. You can still get money from him without being his girlfriend. Keep the baby, you will find someone who will love you and treat you better than he does. He can still be involved in your childs life without having to be your boyfriend/husband.
2006-09-26 07:57:45 · answer #7 · answered by isk8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good job or not he is finacially responsible for the child. That, however, is up to you. As far as the relationship goes, I wouldn't go back into it. I would remain civil with him and never criticize him in front of your child as he is still the father. You may have to prove paternity in court (again if you are expecting him to financially contribute to the upbringing of the child) and work out visitation arrangements, but to reenter a relationship that wasn't working. . . that's your choice.
2006-09-26 08:02:23 · answer #8 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK...wow! Let me start off by saying depending what state you live in, even if you choose not to involve him legally he can be because the child is his. If he was that bad to you I would have to say leave him out. I would tell your parents when you are ready, and maybe they can help you out financially. If you are in need of food or medical care contact your dept of social services. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out!
2006-09-26 07:59:09 · answer #9 · answered by littleshorty9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whether you let him know or not is ultimately up to you, however whether or not he knows doesnt matter during the pregnancy, if he is causing you stress and emotional abuse he is doing it to your baby too and he needs to stay away for your safety and the safety of your baby. as far as financial support, there isnt much in the laws to make him help during pregnancy, and some guys will use money as a bribe for you to be around them when you dont want that. I suggest if you are going through with the pregnancy, that you forget about evertyone but you and the baby and only have people around you that are gonna support you and offer healthy advise and support--also, get on WIC it is a free program for pregnant people that offers help with emotional support, physical support, and provides milk, eggs cheese etc to ensure you are getting everything you need for your unborn baby...as far as your ex goes, listen to your head not your heart--every negative or emotionally bad experience you have your baby has also and you can cause serious complications having that around you--i have 2 kids myself, and an abusive ex as their father, the first child i had to go into the hospital 3 times because of the stress and emotional abuse i suffered at his hands--the 2nd pregnancy i kept him away for the most part---i took control and didnt let him have any and i had a perfectly healthy pregnancy--i totally understand where you are as i have been there4 with both emotional and physical abuse during pregnancy--and if you would like to talk on a more personal level, or need on objective party on your side i would be more than happy to help you any way i can, even if its to tell you you are doing the right thing keeping him away unless he is offering positive support--i understand how hard it is to keep someone away like that--that have certain influences whether we like it or not--sometimes an outside supporter helps--let me know how i can help--like i said i have been there and completely understand and am very nonjudgemental--if you want someone to talk to one on one my e-mail is shazz420@sbcglobal.net and i have yahoo messenger also--but whether you do or not--you must remember that your baby is priority number one and you are priority number 2 and everyone else comes after and only if they can offer positive help--keep your baby safe--if your ex cant be positive and supportive then he needs to be away from you during the pregnancy for the sake of your baby and no one should judge you for that--if he wont stay away use the law and get a restraining order--worked for me.....keep your head up and stay positive and have only positive people around you
2006-09-26 08:22:15 · answer #10 · answered by silvermaiden4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋