Please help! My husband goes out sometimes and he tells me that he's going to do one thing and then?

Question

My husband goes out sometimes and he tells me that he's going to do one thing and then he does it and then goes off and spends time with his friends or does things with them without calling me . It makes me upset because well he's told me that he never gets to go out and do things with his friends (not true - he hangs out with them every morning after he gets off of work basically and at other times too). We have a 20 month old son and although I occasioanlly get a babysitter I feel like he should be helping to take care of him too. I'd like to spend time with my husband and he works 12 hour shifts at night several days a week and then he sleeps during the day so we never really get that much time together. He tells me that I want him to spend all of his time with me and I don't I just want some. He said that if I want to talk to him that I have to come visit him where is he is at his friends because he's there fixing a truck even though I asked him to spend time with me and our son

He said that if I want to see him I have to go over to his friends house.

If I wanted to leave him and take our son I would have no where to go. My mom lives in another state and probably wouldn't take me in. I'm not close with my family.

Answer 1

He needs to grow up and start acting his age instead of his shoe size. If he was a smart man, he would realize that someday you will get tired of this and do somethng about it that he will not like.

Answer 2

Well, perhaps you should give him an ultimatum (and stick with it): If he wants a marriage and a family, he needs to come home where he belongs and take care of the responsibilities at home (including spending quality time with you and your child) before going out to see his friends. His priorities are mixed up. I myself wouldn't tolerate my man being that way. I say that because I've been in a similar situation myself. The marriage will end if it doesn't change, one way or another. If you let him take advantage of you, seems to me like he's gonna and that will just cause bitterness. You can't make him change, but you can decide what you will and wont put up with in your life, even if it eventually means being a single mom and raising your son on your own, and yes, you can do that if you must.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about your situation. Your husband is not being a "man" and he is choosing his friends over his family? Wow, that speaks volumes of his disrespect to you and his own child!

I couldn't imagine purposely staying away from my wife and children.

Why does he not want to be with you? Do you do things that repel him? Has he always been this way? Did he choose his friends over you while you were dating? If so, you made a mistake in marring him and why you did doesn't make sense and now you have an innocent child involved. If he has been a loser before you married then you need to do whatever it takes to kiss your moms behind and move in with her.

He will eventually cheat on you if he has been this way since dating.

If not, then you need to communicate and get marriage counseling.

I wish you well for the babies sake.

Answer 4

I think even in a marriage, some private time or time away from one another is important, but not if he isn't making any effort to spend some time with you. I've heard numerous wives complain that their spouses are always out with their friends. Some of these men seem to have forgotten to grow up and/or accept some adult responsibilities. Wouldn't it be nice if EVERYONE can keep hanging with friends? I think you need to sit down and talk with him and ask him to contribute a bit more to his family. Tell him that life isn't always about doing what he wants.

Compromise, sacrifice, give and take, compassion, kindness, HONESTY....they're all things that are important - not just in a marriage but throughout his life.

Answer 5

He doesn't seem very helpful at all. Maybe you should start showing up at the friends house everyday with the child. Lets see how well he likes the idea after that! You also might want to just start doing things with you and your child and not let him know or ask him to go. Maybe he would get the hit and stick around more. If not you really have to sit down and talk with him. This isn't fair to you nor your child.

Answer 6

To much togetherness makes happiness walk right out the door.
Your trying to smother him, don't you enjoy being with your friends without him. Everyone needs their space, at least he works just be thankful he's with his friends not another woman.

Answer 7

i had a problem with an elusive spouse such as yours. my son is 11 months ols since getting rid of him my life has come on in huge leaps and bounds make a change because you only get one life

Answer 8

hi! well, i need to know how old is he? cuz if you are a young couple thats the way its going to be till he grow up or go visit him very often to where his frend's and tell him everything you need from him in front of his friends every time you go, and you'll see that he'll change... i wish you luck... bye!

Answer 9

Tell him how much bullsh!t you think it is that he is always with his friends.....and hes never at the house takin care of HIS son.... And also tell him that your a mature woman and your not going to be treated like his property or something.....i hope that this helps you aLOT..........;)

Answer 10

try a couple different options, you know what his interests are, and are they the same as yours? remember you have to compromise too. he will change when he's ready.he just shows his love to you in different forms,try to pay attention to what they are.its really just how long can you put up with it.