2006-09-26 07:47:55 · 31 answers · asked by Angela A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been going through counseling, and he just doesn't seem to want to change anything about our relationship unless it means that I change not him!! (Refer to other questions I have asked)
2006-09-26 07:48:56 · update #1
Do it when you aren't fussing, or write your thoughts down, and give it to him.. That way you've said everything without being interrupted and it gives him time to think about the reasons you feel that the two of you need a divorce. If you choose to have a conversation over the letter, just ask him if he is really satisfied in the relationship, and then voice your opinion on his satisfaction and yours.
2006-09-26 07:51:52 · answer #1 · answered by Justice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't willing to make any changes, hasn't the counsler had anything to say about it? I would tell the counsler and him that this isnt working and that you are tired of being the only one to work at the marriage. Then when you are home, ask him how he wants to handle this...with or without counsel. If he is willing to be fair with you, then go the cheap rate and get a para legel to draw up what ever you agree on.
But do this ONLY if you are certain that this is what is best for you. If you are truly unhappy, do it! Good Luck and God speed!
2006-09-26 08:02:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know about the changes in mind, heart, etc that have occured in YOU. Initially don't do any blaming or anything like that. If he questions WHY those changes came about, you can give him the examples, and how they made you feel, and at what point it changed you.
Just approach it with tact and honesty. It's what I did. But when I look back now, I had been reaching out to him for a long time. And one day, something just snapped, and I realized that I didn't feel anything for him anymore. Well, it was more of being torn.
Looking at it from the reality aspect, I didn't love him anymore or respect or even like him. I even resented him. The only part of me that I still wrestle with is my heart. I "hoped" for so long, that the hope is hard to kick. What helped me get it into perspective is that I have to accept him for what he is, who he is, and what is going on in the PRESENT tense. And looking at it that way, I can't live with that man anymore. My heart can go on hoping for the rest of my life, but that is fantasy. I am the one hurting with the reality.
My advice.......focus on you. Any blame, etc, will cause him to be defensive and will spark negative emotions. Try to be calm, not making accusations. Just take responsibility for your change of heart. Don't go into the how's or why's unless he asks. Hope that helps. Good luck. It's a tough, hard, and lonely road in preparing to end the marriage to the man that you dedicated your life to loving and cherishing. I know that very well. =(
2006-09-26 07:56:16 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counseling isnt gonna work unless u look at the heart of the matter YOU dont love him anymore, plain and simple y do u need a counsler 2 tell u what u already know! same way u tell him that he needs 2 change is the same way u could tell him that the change YOU need is divorce, im pretty sure he either knows or wants the same , but u iniating counsling he says "maybe" she wants 2 work it out, just tell him or better yet have the lawyer tell him that way he knows u mean buisness. GOOD LUCk
2006-09-26 07:54:44 · answer #4 · answered by q45dip 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring it up at the counseling session Tell him and the counselor you want a divorce and let the counselor lead the discussion and help you both deal with the issues
2006-09-26 07:51:01 · answer #5 · answered by nora7142@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time you're in counseling bring it up there. Tell him that you're tired of being the one required to change and that you just want out of the relationship. Good luck.
2006-09-26 07:50:31 · answer #6 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious that your husband knows you and him are having problems. Telling your husband that things are not working out should be easy because it does not involve springing any surprises. Just tell him that it is not going to work because you two are not compatible. It is not easy for a person to change. Not him and not you. It would be best to go your separate ways. Just tell him straight and let the matter nd.
2006-09-26 07:53:03 · answer #7 · answered by pundit005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a complicated situation for both you and your husband, I don't know why you want divorce. If you have made your mind after considering about your children if any, your mother side, your future etc, and firm on separation, then speak to him about your heart, tell him you want a divorce. Always straight talking is best.
2006-09-26 07:53:02 · answer #8 · answered by rdhinakar4477 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him can we have dinner and talk tonight? i want to sit down and have a conversation with you without yelling or cusing. Just see where we are. I've been divorced and really there is no good way to talk about it. Just be honest about why and what made you do this and talk in a calm tone. Be prepared to handle his reaction though. Good luck.
2006-09-26 07:54:35 · answer #9 · answered by Soonie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your already in counseling it's not working, just tell him I think we both be happier to separate and divorce. I just don't feel like going on and we both need to get our act together. Separate if you feel better about yourself, file for divorce.
2006-09-26 08:06:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋