One of my best friends lives about 30 miles out of town. She has 2 boys ages 12 and 9 who go to school here. I told her that i would help them out during the school year and now the boys live with me sun night thru thurs night. I dont mind having them here but her and her hubby are not offering to help out at all and finacially it is killing me. I have 2 boys of my own and it is chaos around here when all the kids are here because i am not used to that many kids. Meanwhile her and her hubby go out drinkin and having a great time without kids. It is really frustrating me and i want to say something without commin off like a totall biach. They dont have to hand us cash but some offering of help would be nice. PLZ HELP!!!!
2006-09-26 07:40:29 · 23 answers · asked by ru2tipsy2c 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Good grief Girl is there a backbone in your body somewhere?
If their kids are living with you 5 days a week, then you have a right to child support payments. You might even have a right to declare them as dependants on your income tax, unless the parents pay up. I wouldn't expect them to come offering unless you start asking. Instead of silently getting mad, you could try sitting down with them & asking them for some financial support.
By now you probably have a good idea exactly what the extra dollar output is for keeping those kids around, so TELL THE PARENTS! I seriously doubt that they are going to spoil such a good thing as having someone else raise their kids for them over a little thing like money.
If they only give you enough money so you break even, they will still have the better part of the deal. So ask for enough to cover combat pay as well, you certainly deserve it.
Plus they can take your kids on weekends so you & your hubby can experience some of the "Kid Free" time that they get to have so much.
If they don't want to mess up a sweet deal, they had better be ready to listen to any reasonable demands you may have for them.
Wadda ya think?
2006-09-26 07:57:32 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, explain to them that you meant "help out" as in, perhaps picking them up from school and keeping them until their parents get off work and come to get them. They are totally taking advantage of you and not being your friends. They're pawning their kids and all the work and expenses off on you. Totally uncool. They're really acting like they don't want the responsibility of having kids. It's all part of parenting, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Tell them to come and get their kids every day and perhaps you can do child swapping on the weekends so you each can go out (if you trust them with your kids) but that you have your own life to live. If they don't understand, well, that's too bad and it's their own problem. If you're worried about the children's safety, child protective services can get involved and they will do it anonymously, meaning, the parents will not know who called. The longer you wait to take care of this issue, the more resentment will build up inside you.
2006-09-26 14:50:29 · answer #2 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen.. your best bet is just to tell her that you can't take care of them anymore because you are having to deal with some issues and can't take care of your kids and hers right now.(which is a true statement because you are having an issue with her) If she tries to pry into it and find out what it is, just tell her that it is something that you don't wish to discuss right now. I realize that she is your "best" friend but apparently she is not to concerned about you or your situation. Let this be a lesson to you the next time you want to help someone. Remember no good deed ever goes unpunished. This is about the only way you can fix this without coming off as the bad guy...
2006-09-26 14:49:10 · answer #3 · answered by Air C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how being honest got to be called being a biach.
Just tell them the truth: It's hurting you financially and you need them to contribute. Period. Work out exactly how much you need and tell them. Frankly, Yes the DO have to hand you cash. Food and the strain on the ulities cost MONEY. So does 24-hour babysitting service.
(I think you should have done this prior to accepting this responsibility, but too late now. I also think you should end this little arrangement ASAP)
I also don't understand why you're allowing someone else's kids to disrupt your family and home- does your husband think this is ok? Why should your kids have to suffer this chaos for one of your friends?
2006-09-26 14:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure if this would work or not, but maybe you could propose that they take ALL the kids on the weekends. That way, you would have your time, and that would free up some of the financial burden (also because I know how hard it is to bring up money to people). All in all, I think you need to let your best friend know what kind of a strain this is putting on you, and if she is any friend at all, she will understand and assist in working with you to find a solid solution.
2006-09-26 14:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by Brian D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her if she wouldn't mind bringing some groceries and the kids hygiene stuff. Explain to her that you love helping her out but you just can't afford a family of 6 (including you & hubby). Ask her when would be a good night for her to take YOUR kids so you and hubby can have some alone time. Just be honest with her. Good luck!
2006-09-26 14:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by Pildi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she's taking full advantage of you. It's time to put this chick back into her place. Your going to have to be firm and tell her how it is. Sorry hun she has to be given a reality check and so does her man. Think about it you didn't make these kids, they did. So therefore it's their responability not yours.
I know you were trying to help but she's way too comfortable along with that man of hers. It's time to strap on the big guns and get to work on those too. It's time for your ro regain control of your life ONLY! Do what you have to do to make things right. Good luck and I hope this helps ,well at least a little.
2006-09-26 14:50:29 · answer #7 · answered by friend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come off as a biach??? These boys parents should be ashamed of themselves for NOT automatically giving you money weekly. I would tell them that unless they start contributing $100 weekly (or whatever you deem fair) That THIS will be their last week at your house because you have additional expenses because of the boys being there. Hell drop off bags of groceries or something.
2006-09-26 14:56:16 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
plain and simple let her know that the financial burdden was more than u expected and that kids are growing and that they eat more than u expected so it is only fair that some money is exchanged because it is only fair, u r doing a favor , its not a charity event if there is money 2 go out drinking there is money for groceries and the occasional shower that is needed for the boys not smelling in school , show her reciepts if need be but tell them that u have a family that extended themselves out 2 there family.
2006-09-26 14:49:15 · answer #9 · answered by q45dip 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really understand, have been there before. While the children are not your responsibility, you hate to see them mistreated and are trying to help as best you can... You cannot save the world, sweetie.. You are being used big time, and will continue to be used until you stand up for yourself. Tell her you cannot deal with the disruption in your household any longer, and they will have to make other arrangements... Good Luck
2006-09-26 14:46:35 · answer #10 · answered by mobileminiatures 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋