I caught my wife masturbating to pornography. I was truly hurt by this because I wanted to be apart of the act. She said she is not satisfied after we make love and she has never had an orgasim with me. I have tried everything to please her and sometimes she does not want to put forth a great deal of effort. Am I wrong for feeling hurt?
2006-09-26 07:40:18 · 51 answers · asked by maf20057 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She does not like oral! and she won't take the time to practice, so she can "O" with me. She only likes it 1 time per week. That is not enough!
2006-09-26 08:07:42 · update #1
You aren't wrong for feeling hurt. When I first got with my boyfriend he masturbated all the time. I knew he was doing it and it made me feel like I wasn't giving him what he needed. Now we found a way for masturbating to involve both and we both get off on it. Maybe you and your wife can make masturbating a sex game of some kind, as crazy as it sounds try it.
2006-09-26 07:44:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have every right to be hurt! How long has she been keeping you in the dark over the orgasim thing?
I would start questioning things, why isnt she willing to put forth some effort to help you to make her have an orgasim? Don't be pushy, that can turn us off, but casually talk to her about this while you are on a walk or taking a drive somewhere. Make a point of expressing your concern, not anger. Maybe you could try mutual masterbation. That way she is getting what she needs and you are apart of that. Just until you two can sort out the details. Maybe, she is imbarressed over being caught, or you knowing that she is doing that.
If nothing else perhaps counseling or a trip to the Gyno.
Best of luck!
2006-09-26 07:48:48 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got a couple of things here. You are hurt because you wanted to be a part of the act (which act? her masturbation, or her orgasm?). And she's not satisified with the sex. So, regarding the masturbation - get over it. Sometimes mutual masturbation is fine. But you don't get to be a part of every orgasm. Sometimes, folk just want the orgasm without the effort required for sex. It's not cheating, it's not wrong, and it's nothing to get hurt by. Concerning the sexual disatisfaction - talk to her about it. interrogate her. Why isn't she satisifed? What can you do to make it better? Push her to tell you what she wants. If she an give herself an orgasm, so can you. But it might take time. if she's convinced that she won't get off when having sex, that's going to be a block. So you might try some light drinking before sex to loosen things up a bit. If she can't or won't tell you, then you might look into professional counseling.
2006-09-26 08:07:24 · answer #3 · answered by xanex_caligula 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a little.
You caught a girl masturbating and you see it as a bad thing.
What that's like seeing loch-ness. OK so she's not doing it to pictures of you, big deal. Usually when people do that they want to be in fantasy land any way. If you don't satisfy her, LEARN HOW!!! It really isn't that hard to get a girl off, trust me. Just keep trying different stuff until something works.
Maybe next time you walk in on her masturbating, turn up the volume on the TV, sit down next to her, whip your s.hit out and start going at it too. That can serve as foreplay. When she looks like she's getting excited, be a MAN and just have your way with her.
Or you guys could watch one of those Kama-sutra instruction videos and try to act out what's going on in the movie.
Above all things, you need to throw in some foreplay.
If nothing works and the spark is truly gone, then you have a right to be upset. But not until you've put forth a bunch of effort.
You can do this man, like I said it's easy.
2006-09-26 07:54:27 · answer #4 · answered by hey_finny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not in the wrong for feeling hurt. What you need to consider doing is going to counseling together or discussing sexual desires and fantasies together. If you are not able to openly talk about sex, then it is something you will want to do. Tell her you want her to communicate her fantasies and sexual needs so that you can fulfill them.
Also, their are books and information all over the internet about different methods of the act of love making. It might be wise for you to gather a few new ideas on how to perform beyond the level at which you do now.
I wouldn't be concerned about the pornography. She may have fantasies that don't involve you. And so long as she remains faithful to you, the pornography probably shouldn't be huge issue.
2006-09-26 07:47:46 · answer #5 · answered by blackhalo80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. But I would try to find some books or a movie or something to help you learn how to please her. Go to a adult book store and look around, ask questions, most women can not have an orgasm when having sex, most guys cant always find the "g" spot. We seem to get most of our stimulation from the cl*t, try finding things that you can do or use to help her out. Or take her with you, this can be a sexy thing for the two of you to do together. Masturbating is a natural function. Everyone at some point has done it. Don't look at this as a bad thing.
2006-09-26 07:48:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong. It is how you feel. So don't worry so much about that. Worry more about the true issue. I would suggest that you talk to her. Find out if there is something more you could be doing for her. Women are not like us. The O doesn't just happen. There are many barriers. Medication, stress, sleep , is it to hot or to cold. There are many things to consider. It needs to be a total experiance, mind and body. For a woman many things have to be right for them to climax. To know the man is willing to work with her is a big help. For right now let her have what she needs. Just be willing to know all of what those needs are. You will be fine.
2006-09-26 07:47:03 · answer #7 · answered by NIKK F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she was a little mean...maybe out of frustration? Sometimes masturbating is a private act, maybe she was embarrased at being caught, and said a few things she shouldn't have. Try and talk to her reasonably. It is normal to feel hurt when you find you aren't satisfying your partner. Good luck.
2006-09-26 07:44:37 · answer #8 · answered by noambition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has to masterbate to be satisfied, "There's your sign"... Get a book, look at some instructional videos... The G-spot is real, but is not a place in Idaho... Try to communicate more, lack of communication is where these type of problems start... Make SURE she is satisfied every time, even if you have to put out extra effort.
2006-09-26 07:54:58 · answer #9 · answered by mobileminiatures 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should feel hurt you caught her-masturbating is pretty natural-you probably do. She doesn't put forth effort with you since you don't satisfy her because she thinks there's no point since she's never going to have an orgasm. Ask her exactly what she wants and just do your best to give it to her--since your married, don't give up, just keep trying.
2006-09-26 07:46:49 · answer #10 · answered by nghtygrl81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋