I love this girl who is in an abusive (verbally) marriage. I feel obligated to put an end to this relationship for her sake and for the sake of their young child. Everyone else who sees this seems content to let them be. I initially pursued this girl out of love for her but when I relized that she is unwilling/unable to end the relationship, I abandoned all hope of a future with her, but still I feel obligated to get her away from this dude whether she wants to or not.
2006-09-26 06:50:17 · 16 answers · asked by tallspot07 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First of all...I applaud you on your desire to help! It truly shows your good character.
Secondly, ignore comments like the person who said, "she made the wine let her drink it, it isn't any of your business." If it weren't for people like them, I would probably still have my front teeth!
If you see the verbal abuse, more often than not, there is physical abuse. It may not be physical in the since he hits her, he may throw up a hand or put a fist to her face and threaten to hit her. These are all predecessors to the actual physical abuse. Either way, physical, emotional and verbal abuse all go hand-in-hand and needs to stop.
When I was in my abusive relationship, they didn't have the systems in place like they do now to help someone. It is difficult to get out of a situation like that even though I knew it was wrong/bad/ugly. You are so 'brainwashed' into believing you can't make it out there and that nobody else would want you. It is a vicious cycle and, through the help of friends, I was able to leave and protect my son (who was 22 months old at the time). He is now going to be 18 years old next month and I attribute him being an awesome young man because I left the abusive relationship.
I began putting together a website to help people get through situations just like this. Life gets busy and things can take a back burner for a while... Your posting has brought this back to the front burner for me and strengthens my desire to help others seek help to get out of bad situations.
Ask an experienced abuse counselor for assistance and be prepared for her to be defensive and try to protect him. What she is really doing is trying to protect herself and her child. Sometimes the abuse worsens when the abuser finds out she wants to leave or someone is trying to help her leave. So tread lightly.
Good luck and God's speed...
2006-09-26 07:30:28 · answer #1 · answered by Deuce_Salute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't want to end it then it's her problem. You shouldn't feel obligated to do anything. It's hard to sit back and watch but there is nothing you can do. She is going to have to be the one who does it. She must like being treated that way because she would have left a long time ago. Let it go if something happens then it's her fault not yours. Move on with your life and be happy. Don't sit and wonder what might have been.
2006-09-26 14:00:18 · answer #2 · answered by lem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to help her is, if she wants the help. If she doesn't want the help then there is nothing you can do. But if he/her husband lays a hand on her then you have the right to step in and call the police no matter what she says. I would ask her what she wants. And sometimes they won't leave because they feel that no one else will have them. I've been there and I have gotten out of that relationship, and 2 years later I met my husband and we have been happily married for 5 months now.
2006-09-26 14:00:41 · answer #3 · answered by Laura C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you have the right to end her marriage. It is ultimately up to her, and how she wants to live her life. If she wants to be with a man that verbally abuses her its her problem.
As someone who cares you can talk to her about it and if its affecting her self-esteem or happiness you should point that out and make her think of the situation she is in and let her decide what she wants to do.
Trust me, you dont want to be the bad guy. This is a big NO NO. If you tell her to leave (she becomes unhappy) you are to be blamed. If she doesn't leave after you tell her she knows you think that she should leave and she wont want to share her problems with you.
Its a lose lose situation I think. So open her mind dont make that decision for her. Tell her you care and you need her to think about her happiness coz you care!
Good luck
2006-09-26 13:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by Pudge_Monsta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should step in. Abusive relationships are harmful and not very productive. If you do have feelings for this girl then try to ween here away from her abusive relationship and show here there is more than just hatred in the world you would be doing here a favor
2006-09-26 13:54:49 · answer #5 · answered by Branden W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in that woman's shoes not very long ago. the best thing to do is love her from afar. Reading a book on verbal abuse made me get courge to leave a 22 yr relationship. You have to remember that she not you has to do this herself. All the begging and pleading in the world for her to leave will not work. She has to want it herself. Support her any way you can, inform her and when she is ready she will come to you.
2006-09-26 14:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by teulonbranchlibrary 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is NO way you can get her out of the relationship, she's there because she wants to be there, I myself have no pity for someone like this, They know there are better people out there for them, but they always fall back to.......But I love him/her or I'm doing it for the kids, The only way she will leave is when she gets tired of being treated like a Posession and knows she can do better for herself and her child, it's best not to stick your nose where you're not wanted, you may lose her as a friend if you try to break them up
2006-09-26 14:00:07 · answer #7 · answered by Ray D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a knight in shining armor- but notice the last line ...whether she wants to or not, there is absolutely nothing you can do if she doesn't want you to, just make sure she knows you are there if and hopefully, when she gets tired of the verbal abuse.
2006-09-26 13:54:42 · answer #8 · answered by sweet smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get used to the idea that, unless she realizes her abuse and wants help, there is legally nothing you can do and you have no right to do.
suggest that she seek help, but until she asks, you're just interfering in her life and possibly making matters worse.
2006-09-26 13:56:31 · answer #9 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to say but , its realy up to her in the end theres always a way out, if she realy wanted to she find the way.all you can do is just be there for her when she needs to talk to someone .
2006-09-26 13:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by lmcm1975 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋