My husband goes out sometimes and he tells me that he's going to do one thing and then he does it and then goes off and spends time with his friends or does things with them without calling me or telling me that he is going to. It makes me upset because well he's told me that he never gets to go out and do things with his friends (not true - he hangs out with them every morning after he gets off of work basically and at other times too). We have a 20 month old son and although I occasioanlly get a babysitter I feel like he should be helping to take care of him too. I'd like to spend time with my husband and he works 12 hour shifts at night several days a week and then he sleeps during the day so we never really get that much time together. Gosh, this is a whole bunch of problems rolled up into one. What I guess I am trying to ask is why does my husband do this and how can I get him to stop? His friends are married but they have no kids and he acts like he'd rather be with them than me
2006-09-26 06:26:44 · 13 answers · asked by mommy_2_little_man 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He wasn't like this before we got married or before we had our son. Just now.
2006-09-26 06:35:17 · update #1
If he has not changed til now after the kid was born, forget it, HE will not change. Sad but true...
2006-09-26 06:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by El Recio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a vehicle at your disposal while he is out or sleeping.
If so go out with your baby visit other Moms. Form a playgroup and share baby sitting, exercise together. When he approaches you about being out and he will, say you just going out with your friends. If this behavior does continue, approach him not with feelings but with facts. As soon as you say "I feel....' he will shrug and say it's a female emotion thing. But start the conversation calmly, no tears or anger and look him in the eye and say I have observed somethings that have led me to this conclusion. Then state time spent with friends not being there to enjoy his relationship with you and being the influence in his child's life that he needs to be, and the conclusion is that he has no time for family and if that's the way he wants it then you love him enough too let him go. Then be ready for the answer. This is the only way to find out once and for all.
2006-09-26 13:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by roeskats 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey I totally feel for you. It is not fair for your husband to leave you hanging. I think you should talk to him. Tell him how it makes you feel. Ask him why he has the need to be around his friends so often. Girl if it doesn't change I would be questioning his commitment to you and your son. I went threw the same thing so I really understand it is hard for you. Take care of yourself and do something special for you. It will make you feel a little bit better
2006-09-26 13:34:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of guys go throgh this withdrawal thing. Friends give them a good time, wives give them a run down of the bills, household problems, etc. The idiots view both and often times rather do the pleasant thing, so they choose to hang out with their friends. A solution to this? Besides trying to do more fun things together, I don't know. Another option you have is that you also create some time for yourself and spend time with friends as well. It might give you good balance as well, he does it. Good luck to you!
2006-09-26 13:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel. He took part in making your son so he can do his part helping with him. You guys need to set up a time when you can have time alone. You also need to set a time when you can go out with your friends, tell him that it's his turn to watch your son. He can do it why can't you? Guys are wierd they think that just because they work they can do whatever they want and expect us to sit home and wait for them. They don't think that what we do is considered work. When he has to stay with your son by himself maybe he will realize that what you do is hard work and realize that you need time out also. If he won't watch your son then find someone who will and go out for a few hours even if your by yourself it will feel like a vacation. Trust me you'll feel much better about things. If he gets mad oh well he'll get over it.
2006-09-26 13:37:22 · answer #5 · answered by lem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is how he was before the baby and marriage, you can't expect him to change just because he put a ring on your finger. You have to realize that marriage does not change some people, and it's best that you take note of their habits before jumping into such a permanent situation. Now that you're married, you're going to have to address the topic by having a real conversation with him....put your foot down.....if that doesn't work, give him a taste of him own medicine....Men can usually dish what they can't take........
2006-09-26 13:30:38 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as much as i hate to agree with the first 2 ladies they are right. Even the really rude 2nd one. Hes not going to become any different than he already is. You could have five kids with him and he will still do the same annoying crap. You have to make a decision on what you want for yourself and this child. Be strong and come to a conclusion....he WON'T change!!!
2006-09-26 13:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there's another one like my father. i dont talk to him anymore for almost 8 years now, but here is the deal, you should sit down and have a little talk w/him see what's going on? his family or his friends is more important to him? second find out see if he's cheating on you, cause my father did it to my step mom.finally she kicked him out which he deserved it anyway, one thing lead to the other than he'll start cheating on you i dont mean that your husband will do that but in this crazy world hard to say dont you think? you should talk to him more and try to work it out with him see how he react to it, most important in a relationship is comunicate to each other than you'll find out in the end to see if the guy is good for you and your kid? good luck
ps. i dont think any man in this life should put their friends on top of their family if you found one ...... well you should know what to do ... you life and your kid is more of a concerns than a dude that dont have the resposibility .......have a good one
2006-09-26 14:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by kevin n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have three kids and my husband still does this kind of stuff. He probably won't change .
2006-09-26 13:33:53 · answer #9 · answered by jenlovely01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum; he can spend time with you and your child or you leave him and he can spend all the time he wants with his buddies...
2006-09-26 13:37:31 · answer #10 · answered by Rob B 69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋