How to come out?

Question

How do I come out to my friends and family, my friends would probley accept it but my brothers and dad are homophobic please help!

Emm to one person in peticular I am a Catholic and have gone to Catholic schools all my life I have probley read the bible more times the most people!

Answer 1

Personally when I came out it took me a total of 5 years to completely come out. First of all I started out small, close friends and such. Family members are so much harder to deal with, I understand the homophobic family members, my dad was probably the worst. Anywho, you need to be comfortable with yourself and who you are before you start dancing around singing I'm here and queer, lol!! Anywho, your family loves you and they will love you no matter what. When you feel comfortable I would talk to them one on one, not all together....you are not doing a public speaking event ok, this way you can get their feedback personally...this way they can't gang up on you. You will get to see their true responses. Don't change your self either....be who you are, be who you want to be, I didn't change when I came out to my family, but I have seen so many that have, like all of a sudden they are going purse shopping with their sisters when just yesterday they were shooting a gun with their dad, be yourself that way your friends and family won't get all freaked out. I feel that is the biggest thing, plus give everyone time to adjust....when I first came out my dad didn't want to see it, hear about it, nothing....now, he loves my partner, he doesn't want me to be with anyonbe sle and he tells me that I did a good job with her. You have got to have patience. Good luck to you and God Bless you sweetheart!!

Answer 2

Your brothers and father might disown you if they are homophobic. Therefore, if you are living at home I wouldn't say anything until you move out. If you are on your own I would just matter of factly tell them when you are sufficiently informed to back up your convictions. I'd read up on gay issues, coming out stories and maybe some biographies. It is better to let the important people in your life know the truth about you rather than going through life living a lie.

You said you are Catholic and have read the bible many times. Well, I'm Catholic and have read the entire bible once. If you have not already, I'd advise seeing what the Catechism of the Church has to say about homosexuality. It is not nearly as condemning as many would have us believe. Much more so than the bible, the Catechism gives hope of salvation to gays.

Answer 3

Then read it prayerfully and by the way, Catholic Schools are notorious for there way of teaching. Do you know what you are even talking about. This planet was Created by God, aliens are from comic books and sci-fi movies. We are put on this Earth to do great things for our Lord God and His Son, Jesus Christ. You have to sincerely ask Him into your life and the Holy Spirit will actually reveal the whole meaning of life to you, You will be given wisdom, as well as understanding of God's Holy Word, in The Bible.

People would rather believe in little green men from Mars, than from the Christ who died on Calvary to Save us all from our sins and lead us into an Eternal Life with God when our life on Earth is over. We were not created for no reason at all, nothing ever came from nothing and nothing ever did. The greatest scientific minds in this world cannot yet explain why "A Black Cow that eats Green Grass, produces White Milk, that makes Yellow Butter!"........You really have to get out more, and hopefully find a good Christian Fellowship where you can Worship and there are many who will be only too glad to tell you about the reality of Christ in your life.....Never knock a thing until you try it....and this is the real thing.

Answer 4

I'm Catholic and I came out a few years ago. Initially, it didn't go well, so I moved out of home and lost contact with my family for a number of months. My dad found it hardest but five years later my father apologised to me and stated that not dealing with me was his biggest regret. This is kind of a worse case scenario.

I would suggest that you start with close friends first and take your time, remember you've had quite a long time to think about this your family probably haven't.

I also suggest that you talk to a gay helpline. Also, make sure you are financially stable and not living at home can sometimes make it easier.

Also, contact a gay helpline, they will talk you through and offer support.

Good luck! Though it was hard at the time, I have never regretted coming out and it will be a huge weight off your shoulders even if you have to deal with homophobia. Remember though, that they do love you, just be patient.

Answer 5

I have had friends come out sometimes it goes well - usually those people are obviously gay & everyone expects it. I have heard of it going badly as well. I know a woman whos daughter came out years ago & she still can not accept it. I suggest that you start with the easy people, your freinds. Also, before you tell your family - get a network of support. Even if its on line, find a group or organization that can help you speak to your family and deal with their reactions.
Ultimately, this is about you loving yourself and living the life that you want. Worse case is that your family never speaks to you agian. In which case, you go out into the world and Choose your family!
You can not make anyone understand or support you - You are in charged of supporting yourself and understanding yourself.
As you proceed in this process you are giving yourself freedom and honor - dont back down from that regaurdless of how anyone takes it!!

Answer 6

Fristly, ignore what the self-righteous bible-thumpers are preaching to you. Go with what you feel is right.

Second, come out to your friends first. I know that a lot of people would tell you otherwise, but in a situation like yours, it might make you feel more comfortable if you got it off your chest first to those who you feel would be less judgemental. Then, maybe your friends (who hopefully also know your family well) can help you devise a plan.

You didn't mention your age... but if you're still living at home, maybe it might be easier if you wait to tell the family until you're on your own. If you're already out of the house, maybe you can tell one member of the family first (maybe your mom?) who can assist you in the process.

Good luck!

Answer 7

First of all, disregard the ingnorat bible thumpers. Htey know less about what life truly is than the rest of us. Secondly, look around your area for a PFLAG group. THeyoffer all sorts of materiel and support for family members of the gay community. THey are experienced and will be able to give you the advice and knowledge that you need. If the Christians were true Christians, they would remember that when asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus responded, 'Love one another as I have loved you.' I also believe that judgement is left for God, and God alone, and last I checked, none of the haters who lable themselves Chrisitan qualify for that position.

Answer 8

coming out gets easier the more you do it. Friends can be changed if necessary, but family can't. If you think your brother and dad may act badly, make sure you are financially indepentant first. You could go to a gay group and make gay friends and ask them about their coming out stories first, so that you have a better idea of how to go about it and what could happen. Maybe your family doesn't need to know. Lots of people never tell their parents.

I've just read your additional information. There are some religious groups for gay people. I think the Methodist church is quite gay friendly. Trouble is your family will view it as a sin. Maybe you'd like them to know so that they won't try to matchmake you. Maybe they don't need to know until you want to get married to your partner. Maybe you don't want your partner to go through that, and want to tell them before you have met anyone, so that, in time (maybe a year or two) they will be reconciled with your sexuality. Maybe you don't need to say anything, and just need to move in with your partner and they may think that she is a close friend and flatmate or may work it out in their own time. Depends on what your partner wants too.

If you do come out to them, be strong and sure in yourself. Be patient with their questions and concerns. Educate yourself so you can educate them. There are also groups for families of LGBT, to provide support in what must be a hard time. Make sure you yourself have support from friends when all this is going on. So yeah, tell your friends first and make sure they will support you if times get tough.

Answer 9

The best thing is to be true to yourself. I would sit down and write out all the possible responses that your family may give, and then write a response to it. That way you are prepared for their queries... The best thing that you can do for your homophobic father is to demonstrate that this is who you are, let him know that you have tried rejecting your feelings to save face for the family, but it just felt unnatural for you to be straight. I am sure that your family want the best for you, so stay in school and develop into a well rounded individual. That way, they can have something else to focus on... goodluck.

Answer 10

It's a personal choice, with no right or easy way to do it. In my case, I started with my best friend. Arranged a special lunch, told her I had something very important to discuss. When I told her, she said "well I've known that for years - what's the important thing you need to tell me!". Told my brother next, and he said more or less the same thing. It was an anti-climax.

I liked this line from a comedian on Comedy Central:
"So I finally decided to tell my parents I was gay. At Thanksgiving dinner, I said to my mother 'Would you please pass the gravy to a homosexual?'. She gave it to my father. A terrible scene ensued!"