Wife and Husband relationship is very boring?

Question

I am sick and tired of my wife's aggressive style of talking. I feel she always wants to wrong me, that I am not right, I don't like it. I am 7 years older than she is, i am 26 and she is 19, it was an arranged marriage, after marriage i am very disturbed because we fight every week or after every 3 days.

I think no matter what i do, she will never appreciate, yes there is a problem with understanding in the two of us, maybe i am too sensitive and can't stand the way she talks, and she is not hating me or something, but it's her way of talking. In other words its not our delibrate something, it is something that we might have to live with, personality differences.

I can't divorce her either, because the culture in which we live, a women who is divorced is as good as dead (u know india) and the situation is worrying me more becvause i have gotten her impregranted.

Now what the hell do I do? confused as in hell...

Answer 1

Don't think that marriages that are "natural" (not arranged) are better. I remember that I was like your wife when the child arrived. I was very nervous because I thought that somebody (mostly my husband) owes me something, I didn't know what. Maybe she feels a similar anxiety, because changing the life style might not be easy for her. I can imagine that living with somebody that you physically didn't know before might be very agresive thing in a psychic life of a woman, and women are more sensitive to that kind of disturbances. With time, personality differences will smooth out and you will "work" better than the "natural" marriages as from experience of our grandparents.
Try to hug her a lot for no reason, sometimes help her or "help" her when preparing food or other domestic things, show that you are hurt when she speks agresively (she will not have the heart to continue)... Calm yourself first, and then you will be able to lead her, because she is able to listen and respect you better, she is an intelligent girl (she obviously has formed opinions about many things). Let her make mistakes but don't insist on yours, just tell her what do you think. She will realise, and respect you more and more.

Oh, and don't EVER mention to her that if you divorce what is going to happen to her. She understands that well and maybe it is one of the factors that makes her feel trapped and anxious like that somebody owes her something. She is just rebelious AGAINST THE SOCIETY, not against you (she is just 19) even if she doesn't realise that, and this shows her intelligence, too. Be patient and convince yourself that she is worthy.
Let your moto in solving the situation be that -

- you are in the same "sauce" - join your forces.

Answer 2

Coming from a race with a similar culture, I totally understand your plight. For now you need to understand your wife and make extra effort to be there for her. 19 is pretty much a child still and I am sure she will eventually mature especially when the baby comes. In the long run if she keeps going the way she does, let her know that you would like to work on this marriage for her sake (by protecting her from being outcasted because she is divorced) but if she is unable to compromise then you would leave. I am sure if you present it that way it will open her eyes.

Answer 3

I don`t think you are going to solve this problem. You sound like two completely different people who have nothing in common, and the added stress of a baby is going to make it worse. This is a shame because if you had been allowed to choose you own wife, things could have probably been very different and you would have been happier. Unfortunately I don`t see any solution to this situation in a culture that offers no flexibility, which isn`t fair as no one should be destined to be unhappy and miserable because of an antiquated tradition.

Answer 4

If you haven't talked to her about your concerns, or have trouble doing this please seek counseling. Explain to her that you want happiness for her, you, and the little bundle of joy. Tell her that it hurts you when you are yelled at, or talked down to. It is difficult under your circumstances of arranged marriage, and a baby. This could be elevating her stress. Embrace each other and listen. Be flexible, and loving. Best to you!!

Answer 5

The only thing most of us can advice you to do is seek some counseling for the both of you.

Maybe this is what you both need to help understand each other and work out the problems you're having.


Good luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like you`re having a hard time.Have you talked with her about this?Some times the hardest thing to do is stop our self from doing things.She will have to watch her self closer and you are going to have to have patients with her. If you both work together it should work out.Best wishes

Answer 7

wow man, that sucks, i am in the same boat. Only not culturally, pray about it man, and ask god to show you the right path. Its is your only option in this matter. If you care for her, make her understand, if she cant. Then you have to do what you have to do. Nothing your going to do will make her happy, if she wasn't like that from day one. just pray man !

Answer 8

Marriage is work; and this sounds like one of the things you need to work on!!
When she hurts your feelings; tell her and ask her to stop nicely of course!
She is probably talking how one of her parents did!!!
Your not fighting everyday...work it out!!!

Answer 9

You're not meeting her expectations. Simple, meet her expectations and you should be good. Or you can move to america and dump her. That's what the weak men do here too.

Answer 10

You are too young and to inmmature for been married you probably need to stay away from a toxic relationship