sex question?

Question

Last night my husband wanted to have sex like every other night and i tell him no( last night i had cramps) I dont tell him no everynight sometimes i'm just not in the mood and he has sex with me anyways not that i push him off of me but he won't quit bugging me! So if i tell him no and he does it anyways is that rape?? i have no idea? Also he only like it in one position which gets pretty boring he does not initiate any other positions i have to initiate that Boring! Well anyways after i told him no last night he put it in and went soft! What's up with that? How can he want sex so badly and then go soft?

Answer 1

Technicallay, any time you refuse intercourse and he forces himself on you, you are being raped from a legal point of view. The going soft thing has happened to me before. My guy can be soooo anxious about getting some and then just gives out. Believe it or not, mentally wanting it TOO much can override the physical sensation of wanting it because you are over thinking it in your mind to the point that your body loses the desire. I hope you talk to him and let him know that you have legitimate reasons for refusing him whenever you do and it makes you feel uncomfortable and like he doesn't care about how you feel when he still insisits on having sex. Good Luck!

Answer 2

There are a few issues there that need to be addressed. I don't think that I am qualified to give you an answer on any of those. Your husband could have went soft because of your lack of interest in sex. The fact that he sticks it in even when you aren't in the mood maybe taking a toll on his mental state of mind. He could be feeling really rejected and thus the softy shows up. If you don't like the sex, do something different. Have a good time with it and he might be back up and going real soon. I don't know about the rape thing...would be really hard to prove, since you are his wife, maybe check with someone else on that subject. If he wants the sex you should find an enjoyable way to give it to him or next week you will be on here saying your husband had an affair and you are really hurt by it. Work it out so both of you get what you want. When I don't feel like having sex..I go the oral route. He loves it and I don't have to be messed with.

Answer 3

This is a very common dilema. It happens a lot. Most men want to relieve tension. Some just enjoy sex, who better to have it with than your spouse? However, you have expressed a common refusal. Not tonight, I have the cramps, a headache, etc. I am not disputing the validity of your refusal but perhaps you can talk to him about it when not in the bed.

Tell him you want to try different positions. Perhaps when you both have had time to relax from a hard day.

To answer the rape question. I can only look at in the man's view. Yes and no. Yes in the sense that you refused and no in the sense that you to are mates and he should be able to get sex from his wife on request. Not that that matters, it is the mind set of most males.

Perhaps there is a medical problem about the softness. Or subconscience feeling of rejection. I have had it happen to me many times. I don't ask for it often but when I think I can do something I go limp. Well I think it is a common problem with men as they age or get larger or even complacent.

I'd like to ask you this question, would you rather your husbnd get it from you than look elsewhere for it?

Answer 4

Perhaps that happened because you weren't into it. Guys do not want to feel like they are the only ones interested. For them, sex is not only a physical release (although I think that is a big part of it), but also a way of connecting with you.

Some guys are sensitive and feel that that is how they are loved.

There is a reason it is called "making love" - it creates a closeness that only the two of you can have.
So you have to initiate things, big deal - it gets done doesn't it? Enjoy it whether it was your idea or not. Conversely, you could also talk to him - outside of the bedroom, in a nice way maybe light some candles, pour some wine and make it romantic.

Good Luck!

By the way - I'm not touching the rape question - that's about ethics etc, and only you can determine that.

Answer 5

Why are you asking other people if it's rape? If YOU feel that it's rape, then it is.

How can he get soft? Likely he realized that it's not a turn on to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex.

Anyway, usually part of the deal of marriage is to have sex with your partner.

It sounds like you both have sex problems though. If you're the one who thinks that sex in one position is so boring, then tell him. If he doesn't initiate anything, then just initiate it yourself.

Answer 6

I've always believed a good lover likes to please as well as be pleased. Sometimes things like cramps get in the way. It's hard to get turned on when you're cramping up. I gotta say if you tried anyway, you deserve a medal. He probably got soft because you weren't into it. Maybe he'd settle for something else (oral or by hand) when you don't feel up to it with a rain check for big fun next time. The one position thing is wierd, try to get him to experiment. Alcohol might help, or maybe play "follow the leader" while watching porn? Something to get him going a little? Good luck.

Answer 7

Well first...having sex honestly relieves your cramping, no joke. And I dunno if I 'd call it rape if hes not being extremely rough and demanding not caring if he hurts you, I mean if you really meant no or didnt give in to it eventually,
he knows this is your reaction and hes gonna get it...if you stood up and got really firm showing him hes making you upset and actually felt you 'had' to push him off of you then hes gonna know you are serious when you tell him NO.
And then after that if he forced it into you yes thats what i consider rape, he knows what he can get away with is all, and last..he probably went soft because the body language and vibes you give off by not wanting it. Good Luck.

Answer 8

If your husband forces sex on you after you say no, that's rape. It doesn't matter if you are married or not, you still have the right to say no. I think part of the problem is that you obviously find sex with him boring and because of which, don't want sex with him as often as he wants it with you. But the main thing is, if you don't want to have sex with him, then don't let him force it on you! You still have the right to say what goes on with your body. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

i wouldn't call it rape! b/c like you said you didn't push him off and you seem like you never got physcial with him, so yes it was wrong and i recommend that you to talk about what happened. maybe you should try the energy drink (it is a pink botte that is being advertised) for women and see if that gives you some energy. i think that the two of you need to have a talk about you sex life and why he is always in the misonary position. he may have different feelings about the position and it doesn't fit him.

Answer 10

Regardless if it is with your husband or partner, if there is no consent, it is rape. Depending on where you live, it is classified as a sexual assault here which is a criminal offence. As for the "positions" or lack thereof, that may be something you need to discuss with him or perhaps a counsellor. And for the end of your question, I really don't know what to say about that, there are definately some factors involved. But please know that non-consentual sex is a criminal offence.