She lives with Mom and Stepdad. Father is telling daughter we are trying to keep her from him if we don't let her go whenever she wants. We tell her that after 2 year court battle judge only let's father have 2 weekends. We tried mediation and the whole works. Father never cooperated. We were ordered parenting classes. We went and father did not. Judge chewed him out. After 2 years all he got was 2 weekends per month. Daughter is upset with us because of him. Daughter has 17 yr brother and 16 yr sister. They got to go 2 weeks per month. All 3 kids believe every single lie he tells them. We have always been the bad guys to the kids. Living situations are completely different. Father lives with girlfriend in tiny, dirty, little trailer. We have nice 5 bedroom home in good neighborhood. When kids were little they adored stepdad. Father has minipulated that away. We just don't know what to do or say anymore.
2006-09-26 03:09:24 · 9 answers · asked by TK 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You people don't understand. Father signed over custody 7 years ago. 2 years ago he took us to court. He never in 7 years called the kids to talk or go hang out or even ask how their day was. He did his obligatory 2 weekends a month. Pick them up Friday at 6 sharp, drop them off Sunday at 6 sharp. You could set your watch by him. We always reminded them and supported them if they missed him to call him and talk whenever they wanted. A couple of times they asked him to come get them and he did. A couple of times. Stepfather taught kids to hunt and fish and camp and all that stuff. Father never asked to have them extra time. After he didn't get what he wanted in court he wants to take them as much as he can, which is more then what he wants. Judge made a decision. Are we supposed to throw away all that time and money and emotion and send them over full time when we know they will be lied to and manipulated and poisened against their mother. ?
2006-09-26 03:37:57 · update #1
The judge made the decision. Stick to it. I know your daughter is looking at you as the "bad guy' but she is at that age where she wants her dad. Just tell her that you are doing things according to the Court order. Without you being to blame, have her ask her dad to petition the court for more time with her. I'm sure he will have some excuse why he can't do that. She will see through him very soon. As far as your husband, tell him to hang in there. She will realize that he has been the one that was there for her and took care of her when "dad" was no where to be found. Have you shared with her any details of the way things were that led up to this arrangement? I'm not sure how mature she is but you may want to share some details with her and let her decide who to believe. Everyone has their faults, just some more than others.
2006-09-26 04:58:46 · answer #1 · answered by stacilynn26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont see any reason why they cant go over when they want- if you guys live close and he will come get them and it doesnt interfere with school or chores then they are old enough to go with thier dad. If they were small children who need to be with you more then maybe the weekend thing is better. When I was 12 I was able to go with my dad whenever I called him. We didnt have a visitation schedule. My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage and I used to be the "girlfriend from hell" according to thier mother but the fact is that she is bitter and controlling and hated the fact that the kids actually liked thier dad because she didnt.if they are safe going with him and obviously they are or the court wouldnt have granted custody then get over it and let your kids go with their dad.if he pays child support then there is a reason you live in a 5 bedroom house and he lives in a trailer.
2006-09-26 03:33:16 · answer #2 · answered by ArmyWife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SHAME ON YOU. If she wants to spend more time with her father you should let her. You are making judgments on his fathering based upon your better house. Why on earth did anyone need parenting classes. Just maybe your children like him better because the stuff you consider lies are in fact accurate in their eyes. Shame on you for using your children in some kind of continuing vendetta against your EX. What you should do and say is " If you want to spend more time with your father we will discuss it with him and work it out!" The fastest way to turn the kids away from you is to make them pawns in your game with your EX. They will make their own decisions and you cannot stop that.
This is just a guess, tell me this is inaccurate, please. You left the marriage and took your children. Then you had an advesary relationship with him and dragged him into court frequently. Your new guy who was probably waiting in the wings and moved you into the place you wanted from your first guy. Try as you might the kids still love and prefer their biological father not the replacement to picked for them.
2006-09-26 03:24:10 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes seeing is believing... I would allow her to go and I'll tell you why.
I think you ex is just upset because of the judge ordered stipulations (such as the case with my ex wife) and he "thinks" he deserves that extra time, so sometimes you have to call people on what they're saying. My ex was making the same claims; so I allowed my sons to visit whenever they wanted, as long as it was their decision and she would have to meet us halfway... I gave her exactly what she wanted. Pretty soon, when the kids wanted to visit, "she couldn't make it that weekend" or she'd be an hour late picking them up and if they were staying for the summer, they'd be stuck in her trailer the whole time, or she would send them back in the middle of summer. As they got older, they began getting involved with school activities and friends and didn't want to visit as much and she stopped asking for them to visit as well. They'll visit during certain holidays but that's about it.
I think your ex is just "selling a wolf ticket" and after a while, he's going to start coming up with every excuse in the book to avoid the visits and your daughter is going to realize that all that time on the road or between locations could be better spent on other activities.
2006-09-26 03:23:30 · answer #4 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids are very smart even if they are being manipulated they will see the truth one day. Let them see for themselves who he really is, the futures tends to unfold for itself! Be patient!!! He cannot live a lie for a long time or maybe the girlfriend will not be there always to put up with the DRAMA!
2006-09-26 03:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by Ladyshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I highly doubt that you and your husband are the angels you say you are. They must have just cause not to believe you and to believe him. You have lost their trust somewhere, and it's gonna be a hell of a road to get it back.
Personally, in your shoes, let them go LIVE with him. honestly, I know you'd done a lot of work, but they will BEG to come back. Be the good mom, let them go, and when they come back complaining that DAD this and DAD's girlfriend that...honestly, you'll say that you gave them what they wanted. Buy them something expensive and SEND EM BACK TO HIM. Pay the measily child support, and go have your life!
2006-09-26 03:17:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing NOT to say is what you just said about HIS living arrangements. They're old enough to see the difference in your lifestyles. There must be something else going on.
2006-09-26 03:21:01 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CHILDREN SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THEIR PARENTS WHENEVER THEY WANT. THE COURT SYSTEM IS HIGHLY WRONG, AND SO ARE YOU PARENTS WHO THINK THAT YOU ARE DOING WHAT IS RIGHT BECAUSE THE SYSTEM SAYS SO.
DIVORCE IS BETWEEN THE PARENTS NOT THE KIDS. THEY SHOULD NOT BE SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOUR MISTAKES.
2006-09-26 03:35:51 · answer #8 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hire a hitman
2006-09-26 03:26:21 · answer #9 · answered by Landau C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋