Iam 24 years old and have been married 2 years recently i found out my husband was having sex with his boss. I was devestated because my husband and i had spent the last year trying for a baby and the first year of marriage really did not use protection. He had kept saying i was the problem and we had a lot of fights because he thought it was because off the miscarriage i had when i was18 with my first bf. He met me right after and helped me through it. We seperated for 2 months and i started the paper work and so did he for a divorce. While at the bowling ally i actually ran into my ex. bf my first love and the only other guy i dated befor my husband we had seen each other around before and talked. We went out and had some drinks talked about life he turned out to be married 6 months and they had major problems ext. I had sex with him one time thing and now i just found out i am 1 month 1/2 with his child. Problem i cant bring myself to tell my husband or ex.bf.
2006-09-26 02:49:43 · 29 answers · asked by Jessica C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my husband just came back and wants to work things out i said yes without knowing i was preganant at the time now my husband wants to move back in. I know what i did was wrong but i was lonlely and drunk.
2006-09-26 02:51:29 · update #1
My best friend thinks i should sleep with my husband and say its his.
2006-09-26 02:54:16 · update #2
I think my husband will leave me and i still have feelings for him not sure if i want to let him go.
2006-09-26 02:59:02 · update #3
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER U DO < DO NOT TRY TO PASS THE BABY OFF AS YOUR HUSBANDS THAT IS SO ABSOLUTELY WRONG AND NOT FAIR TO YOUR HUSBAND OR TO YOUR CHILD.. YOU COULD DESTROY TWO PEOPLES LIVES INCLUDING YOUR CHILDS.. best is to be honest..
Your "BF" the louse of a man that he is wants u to pass the baby off as your husbands so he doesnt have to worry about the consequences of this baby to his own life.. AND THATS A FACT i dont care what BS he is spewing to u, he's scared to death that his wife will find out, and that he'll have to pay child support for this child.. he's a POS..
Your husband, well he has a choice, u were seperated, he was having an affair.. and well this is what is the end result to you both using poor judgement.. So ur already use to being with out him at this point u may not like it, but ur surviving with out him.. so if he chooses that this is to much for him to bare, then ur not worse then u already are.. But if he's a real man, and if he really does love you.. he may hurt at first.. but he will man up and want to be the father to this child and your husband.. but u need to realize he's already cheated on u before.. and he probably will again so u have to decide if its worth the risk even if he does accept this child.. and you.. that later down the road u could end up in a divorce and this child being caught in the cross fire of losing his "Dad" (it will be probably the only dad he'll really ever know)..
To me, id put it in God's hands.. tell the truth and if he wants to work all this out and be a "REAL" man to u and this child.. and u think he can give up the other women in his life then go for it.. but if he leaves, see it as a sign from god that he's definately not the one for u and find a man that will love u and ur child both.. BUT ID GO AFTER THE BF FOR CHILD SUPPORT EITHER WAY...he is a conviving manipulative man.. hidden in sheeps clothing.. and he needs to face the consequences of his actions just like u do..
RIGHT NOW UR MAIN CONCERN IS TO THAT CHILD YOUR CARRYING THAT CHILD NEEDS U TO BE A GOOD MOTHER, AND THAT MEANS "ALWAYS DOING WHAT IS RIGHT" EVEN IF IT HURTS.. (THAT MEANS TELL THE TRUTH) AND THAT CHILD NEEDS U TO FIGHT FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY CAN NOT FIGHT FOR THEMSELVES AND THAT MEANS GOING AFTER THE REAL DAD FOR ATLEAST CHILD SUPPORT AND MEDICAL INSURANCE.. IF HE CHOOSES NOT TO BE APART OF THIS BABIES LIFE SO BE IT, BUT HE CANT GET OFF SCOTT FREE HE HELPED MAKE THIS BABY.. BUT YOUR BABY'S FEELINGS AND WHATS BEST FOR THIS BABY IS FOR YOU TO BE MATURE ENOUGH TO FESS UP TO MISTAKES U'VE MADE, AND BE HONEST . BE A GOOD MOM.. AND GET THIS OVER SO U CAN STOP STRESSING THE BABY FEELS ALL YOUR STRESS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR BABY SO GET IT OVER WITH SO THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS U CAN MOVE FORWARD AND FOCUS ON BEING A GOOD MOM..
2006-09-26 03:21:46 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a fine little mess that has been created. The only solution is the obvious you have to be completely honest and there is no time better than now. It is only fair to let your husband make the choice of whether he can raise another man's child. At this point this is who you need to be honest with. If he chooses to stay it is his choice made by being honest with him. This would be a horrible secret to carry for the next 40 or 50 years don't you think? As faras the b/f why would you want to not just destroy your marriage but his as well. If your husband wants DNA and the b/f is the father why not wait till then?
2006-09-26 03:32:00 · answer #2 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, truth be told, you must tell him. He was honest (I'm guessing) about having sex with his boss so you'll have to be honest about what you did though it will be hard for him - and you!
If he wants to stay and work things out, take that as a good start and make sure he's not still straying himself. It will be awkward but if he wants the marriage to work he'll have to accept you are pregnant for this other guy and accept and consiider the events that led up to why and how this happened.
as for telling the ex, tell your husband first, he is your husband and deserves to know. then go from there. he may want you to abort the child or not tell your ex so he can raise the baby as his own.
2006-09-26 02:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by Skypride 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, lonely and drunk doesn't work anymore. Tell the truth, you were lonely and longing for attention. Secondly, you need to be straight with both men. Your husband did a very foolish thing cheating as well as you did. You need to grow up and face the fact that you are pregnant with your ex-boyfriend's baby. Do not take the advice of your best friend, deception has never worked. Just be honest and you will find that everything will work they way it's supposed to. I think it's time for the truth and stop all these lies.
2006-09-26 06:21:01 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough one! It's best to face your demons now...they will come back to haunt you and it will be worse later than now. I would sit him down and talk. Its not as though he is an angel and if he loves you he will work thru this. Its easy to get lonely when you are to blame for something you have no control over. Him blaming you is his cop out for having sex with his boss. Its called transference of pain and guilt. Be strong, step to the plate and let the ball fall where it falls. Take a deep breath, you both were ready to end, men just cant get pregnant...
Either way your child deserves to know his dad and his dad needs to be responsible for his child. If it is your EX bf's child, then he needs to be a part of that childs life, emotionally and financially.
Besides being emotional when your pregnant, your situation is really bowling you over. Make sure you make decisions rationally. Think things thru and be honest with yourself and the parties involved. You will probably be suprised at the results. It may be painful at first but you wont have the burden resting on your chest...release yourself!
2006-09-26 03:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by kitty h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, we all make mistakes but you have to correct yours before moving on. I suggest telling your husband and ex about the baby. If husband really want to get back with you, he will. After all, he was having an affair too and you both wanted a baby. Your ex needs to know for reasons you understand. Start your recovery by telling the truth and deal with the situation now rather than allowing it to build based upon deceit and lies and suffering for later all the while worrying that the truth will be exposed. Honesty really is the best policy, if you use it and I pray you do.
2006-09-26 03:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by Ntrigue1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him asap. He has no room to talk he was sleeping with his boss when you two were together. You did it when you two were split up. If he doesn't understand then shame on him. Make sure you let him know that the reason you didn't get pregnant with his child is because obviously he is the on with the problem. I don't know if this helped you but good luck and take care of you and that baby if nothing else. It is a precious life you are carrying you shouldn't forget that.
2006-09-26 03:08:31 · answer #7 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow - that is loco but you cant let that man back in, you slipped up, i honestly think you should just go and be with the best friend, i mean saying you were lonely and drunk doenst change the fact that he cheated or the fact that you slept with ya bestfriend, nor will it change anything once you two are back, Go and be with the bf IF he feels that way about you, which doesnt seem like it cuz he suggested you go back to your husband........abort might be the best thing and start over once you get yourself together.
2006-09-26 03:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by CALDW3L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't build a life together predicated on a lie, and being lonely and drunk is no excuse. That's like saying, "I know I shouldn't have killed the guy, but I was so mad." Being contrite doesn't alleviate responsibility.
This sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer.
If you want to work it out w/ your husband you have to tell him the truth. The child's paternal situation may come into play in the future, when you have to deal with things like family medical history etc... That being said, if you guys can put it behind you and work it out, my experience is: almost no one hates a baby.
2006-09-26 03:05:56 · answer #9 · answered by Dave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With situations like yours, you have to think long term not just in the moment. Suppose you don't say anything to your husband about it not being his baby but let him carry on thinking that it is his and once the baby is born he notices that this kid looks nothing like him? but indeed looks almost identical to your ex, he may not come to terms with it at first but years down the road what if you run into your ex again with your husband he may see a resemblance to the baby.
My advice would be to tell your husband, he'll be hurt either way it goes but the longer you wait to tell him the worst it'll be on relationship. You just have to explain to your husband how you felt with all the problems that had been going on. It'll be his decision whether or not he wants to continue your marriage but you owe him honesty.
2006-09-26 04:44:45 · answer #10 · answered by bettyspagettii 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋