People in room during delivery. Too long for initial question. Please read further?

Question

My husband keeps telling me he doesn't care about this, or that and that it is up to me (registering, nursery theme, etc). So I just assumed he didn't care who was in the room during the actual delivery. So I've mentioned it to my mom. I want her in the room. He now is saying he just wants it to be him and me and Dr, and nurse only. HOw can I tell my mom without her getting upset at my husband. She really loves him and may not get offended. Should I tell her the truth and also tell her I considered having his mom in there and he doesn't want her in there so she knows it's nothing against her? Should I act like it's a mutual decision between us, while running the risk of her getting mad at me or what?

People, please answer the question. How do I tell my mom. I want to consider my husband's feelings. So if we decide not to have her in there, HOW DO I TELL HER?

Anyone can come in during regular labor...up until delivery. So I'll have all sorts of people checking on me. It's just the actual pushing phase that's the issue. I'm pretty sure my mom WANTS to be in there. I have mixed feelings. I want her there during the pushing, but I know she'll have a hard time leaving after that. I like the idea of my husband and I having a moment alone with the baby before everyone comes to see it.

Answer 1

In defense of your husband, there are a lot of things men just dont care about as far as themes and registries and all that- we are into all that not them most of the time. BUT when it comes to the actual birth of his child he will be focused and I am sure he doesnt mind her being there up until the pushing. Now as for your mom, granted you have asked her to be there HOWEVER I am SURE she will understand that you and your husband (as one) have decided the pushing faze would just be for you two. She was a pregnant woman before and she knows how intense that moment is for your family and I am sure no "blame" needs to be laid on anyone for her to understand. She wont get mad, she may be a little disappointed but she wont hold it against you. You have to trust that your mother knows you are married and that this is the first moments of your new family (explain it to her like that-- the first few moments of your family). Good luck!

Answer 2

First, this is YOUR birth. What do you want?

I understand that conflict is the LAST thing you want now that you are going to give birth...it is already stressful.

I can tell you from experience that it isn't usually doc & nurse.....it is doc and nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse.....it'll seem like there are TONS of people in your room, and you will just want to be left alone.

Does your mom have a calming effect on you? Does she get along well with your hubby? If so, and you want her there, tell hubby your mom will be there.

If your mom doesn't make you feel any better with her presence, tell her she will need to wait until after the baby is born, just because you want to be alone to focus, and will call her in if you need her. She will understand. She has to.

I chose to have nobody in the room except my husband and the docs and nurses, and still have a nervous breakdown because of all the peripheral people coming in: Nutrition services, the guy who came to repair the bed, xray people, people to take blood, people from the nursery.....ugh! So much attention!

Your mom is a special person. If you want her to share in your birth, invite her, but also reserve the right to tell EVERYONE to leave if you need that!

Good luck to you and your baby!

Answer 3

I would talk to your husband first and tell him how much it would mean to you if your mother was in there. After all she has been with you your WHOLE life and was there for you growing up. It is a strong bond. I think your husband should be understanding. I work in a hospital and have seen plenty of times that it was the husband and the mother in the room while the patient was giving birth. I have never seen anything bad at all come from this and everyone always seems happy.

Answer 4

Any mother will know that when you give birth you want it be personal and special. You dont want to advertise it all over the place. Its similar to bedroom privacy. Its the very first bond the parents get to make with their baby. Explain that to your Mom. Not that that would need much explaining. But women, especially Mothers will know how special it is when you first get to hold that little miracle in your arms for the first time and what better way to share that special moment than with your dear husband and father of the child. If you can tell your Mom that then you have a winner on both sides!!!

Answer 5

In my personal opinion if you want your mother there then she should be there. You should have the people that you feel comfortable with. Your husband has left everything up to you why now all of a sudden does he want a say....He can't have everything both ways.
Having said that if you still don't want your mom there I would just sit her down and let her know that you and your husband have discussed it and you have reconsidered having her in the room. Or even better yet have your husband tell her since it is his decision not to have her there. Why should you be then one that has to do all the work? If he won't tell her then she gets to be there.

Answer 6

Your mom needs to understand that this is a personal moment between you and your husband and she needs to respect that.

Congratulations on respecting your husband's place in your family and your life.

Frankly, I don't understand these women who want half the world in there....trust me, you'll want no one.

This is a time where you should let go of mommy and hang on to your husband.....sorry, but you are the mom now. It is a scary, painful time, but one that should be shared with your husband.

I think you should just tell her flat out, that you and your husband have decided that this is a once in a lifetime moment in your marriage, when you become a family and you both feel that you only want each other and medical personnel present. She'll be fine with that...if not, she'll get over it and it is a boundary that needs to be set.

I'd tell her the whole truth.

Good job considering his mom too. I hate it when women say, their mom and not their husbands. The baby is just as much their grandchild.

We had both our moms in the room for most of the day. I didn't want them in there, but they wanted to stay and they left when the doctor examined me. That gave my husband a chance to go eat and such. (I know some people believe he should stay right there and not eat, but that is STUPID! Both of you tired and hungry?) The plan as that they would leave when it came time to push. My son flatlined and I was rushed out for C-Section with just my husband.

My baby was fine 8/9 on the APGAR....thank God!

Good Luck!

Answer 7

The extra support of having a woman who has been through this , not to metion that she is your mother is well worth fighting for. If you wanted to have her with you discuss it with your husband. Not all men handle child birth well and sometimes it can be hours long and he may need a break. It doesn't make it any less special because someone else was there too. It seems like he has been kinda uninvolved this whole time so I am not sure you should let him make this decision for you. Do what feels right to you. More help and support is better than less.

Answer 8

If you want your mom there, have your mom there, it'd also be a good idea, since some men pass out, get sick during the delivery, so it'd be good to have your mom there anyways as a back up in case something like that were to happen to your husband. It's hard going through delivery, my mom was there when my son was born, your the one doing all the work and also depending on how long labor is, it can get very stressful and tiring for your support people.

Answer 9

Why does he not want your mother in there? Is this your first child, because support from her and him would be great to have. I had my mother on one side and my boyfriend on the other, you don't always know how he's going to react to the whole birth thing, so extra support would be helpful and you don't always know how you will react to it....you may be in there and want your mom, you may turn against him in the delivery room.

You never know and really (yes this child is both of yours) but it should be about what you think you will want in there, you will be the one in pain and delivering the child. But if you are gonna respect his wishes, then i would just tell her that as of right now you and him wish for it to be just the doc, nurse, you and him. But things could change when you actually get in there and really realize what it is you're going to experience (if you haven't experienced already). Congrats and Good luck!!!

Answer 10

It's going to be just my fiance and I in the room while I give birth, for a similar reason. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings! Both of our mom's have passed away, so our grandmas want to be in there, and my step mom, my sister, my cousin, and almost every other female in my family. The Dr. told me I could have a few people in there, and when my family heard about that, they all started arguing over who gets to be in there. So we decided to just have us in there, nobody else (well, besides the Dr's and nurses of course, haha) It will be a lot less hectic for us both, and then after the baby is born, then we'll let them in there.

Just try and explain to your mom that you didn't discuss it with your husband first, and you thought it would be ok, but when you guys talked it over you BOTH decided that you'd rather have it just be you two...that it would be more special (or something along those lines) Tell her that his mom won't be in there either, so she doesn't think it's just her that can't be in there. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

Congrats on the little one! :)