My Catholic family is having issues over my sister's non-catholic wedding.?

Question

I am agnostic but my parents and my aunt are very devoted Catholics.

My sister wants to marry a guy in the service. Something about his military duties stated that they had to have a civil wedding in order to live on his base together.

My sister is also agnostic and would only be doing a Catholic wedding to please my parents, which is what I did.

My parents are not respecting my sister's decision to have a civil wedding, and they were making huge problems for my sister by meddling.

Now my sister has decided to elope and not tell my parents. I have advised my parents that they need to respect her decision or they would end up causing hurt feelings on both sides.

I know my sister does not want me to tell my parents about her plans for a civil wedding, and I WILL respect her request. This is going to devastate my parents.....

How do I deal with the fallout? Anyone go through a similar experience? It's not going to be pretty.

Answer 1

This is one of the biggest reasons why I dislike Catholicism so much. I was raised Catholic, but as I got older, I found I did not believe in their teachings. The Catholic religion, even today, tries to tell people that they will go to hell if they do not follow that religion. It's called "intolerance". In the Catholic world, there is no room for understanding or even for discussion about other religions. That is why the Catholic church makes it imperative for the non-Catholic person in a couple to attend religious classes, and to sign on the dotted line that they will raise their children Catholic. Non-Catholics want to please the person they're marrying, so they nonchalantly go along with it, not realizing what kind of strict doctrine they're putting on any future children they may have. My own experiences with this are what leads me to saying what I'm saying. There's not enough room here to tell you my story. So in ending, and regarding your own situation, allow your sister to decide where and how she will get married and support her and wish her well. Care about your parents as well and try to emotionally support them when they're hurting, although it will be a lost cause for you to make them see another side. Bottom line - this is another example of how religion pulls people apart more often than bringing them together.

Answer 2

This is a difficult situation. It's a shame that your parents are putting a damper on what would be an otherwise joyous occasion. Would it help to tell your parents that because they believe in God, he is going to surround them with his love no matter where they are married? They really should be happy they're able to share their daughter's wedding with her, whether she chooses a church, a court house, or even on the beach. My parents had passed away before I got married. I would've given anything to have shared my day with them, or even for them just to know my husband.

Not too much help. Just my opinion. Good luck and keep supporting your sister. She sure needs it.

Answer 3

Never fear; Your family can have a second ceremony for your' sister and new bro-in-law. Let them abide by the military regs, and when he can take his annual leave, your family can have an actual wedding. Sorta like renewing their vows. Please understand, if you are involved, you must convince your sister that nothing bad will happen as a result of honoring God, and your parents, and respecting the laws of the uniform code of military justice. They will easily be able to do both.

Answer 4

Your poor sister. Remind your family that it is HER wedding. Maybe you could suggest a blessing ceremony, that could be Catholic after the civil ceremony. Hopefully, your sister and family can work this out.

Answer 5

U stay out of it, and dont choose sides..

To some religion is a huge deal in which they feel nothing else is acceptable.... and your parents are obviously that way..

Now.. something she could do to hold them over... not sure if it would work or not.. but she could tell them, that with the high rate of divorce and her strong Catholic back ground that after they've been married several years and are sure its going to last ..then she will renew her wedding vows in the Catholic church as she was raised to believe that divorce is not accepted in the Catholic religion and she wants to make sure this is a life long committment on both ends before getting married "in the eyes of the lord" cause she only wants to get married in a church if she knows for a fact that this is going to last forever.. and the fact is no one knows what is going to happen in the future.. and she only wants to get married in the Catholic Church once when she knows with out a doubt.. they are in this for life.. then she can choose later down the road if its whats for her or not.. as people tend to change the way the feel on things as they get older.. But this is only if she's TORN on what she feels is right.. religion wise..

I told my parents the same thing.. except i said on our 10 year anniversary i'd renew my vows to him in a Catholic Church (i am catholic) but to me getting married in the eyes of the lord is "forever" with out divorce no matter what.. and im glad i didnt because he had an affair and we divorced 7 years later.. so im glad i waited ..

Religion is a huge deal.. but if she has chosen a different path to go on in her religious beliefs then she has to stand by her choice and not your parents choice.. unfortunately your parents will feel hurt and feel she abandoned the way they brought her up to be.. but if she is firm in her own beliefs, then she needs to stand by them , and not waiver just because others dont agree with how "SHE" believes.. because if she doesnt stand up now for her religious beliefs this will only become an issue again.. when she has children as your parents will want the children to be baptized catholic.. so she needs to make a stand either way.. and not waiver.. ..

And she has to realize.. that once she marrys her soon to be husband.. HE then becomes her immediate family and you and your parents become her extended family.. so she needs to do whats best for "HER" family and thats Him .. but unfortunately at times that causes consequences with those we love...

Answer 6

Once again, religion gets in the way of someones happiness. It's HER wedding. She can do whatever she wants and if the parents don't understand than they can go F themselves!

Answer 7

more power to your sister after her civil marriage your parents can then pay for her catholic wedding.this is what happens to everyone any way.you get a marriage certificate first-this makes you married and then your do your wedding.my feeling however is that your parents should butt out.