My ex and I haven't been together for about 17 months now, we had problems for over two years before I finally left. We were married for 14 years. I am living with the love of my life right now and even though we are having some financial difficulties we are very much in love and happy with each other. My ex is still having feelings for me, he still says he wants me back, he tells me to listen to the new song "what hurts the most" by Rascal Flatts. He gets angry and lashes out from time to time due to his hurting over me and the loss he is suffering. I told him he should seek counseling but he thinks he's doing "just fine." He has said and done alot of really horrible things to me over the years...he made his bed and now he needs to lay in it! However, I do feel bad about his hurting, he needs to let go of his feelings for me, it will never happen!! If I broke up with my man now, I still wouldn't go back. Should I just ignore my ex's sadness/anger and comments?
2006-09-26 01:31:53 · 26 answers · asked by Shae 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should mention we have a son so getting him out of my life totally isn't an option. Atleast not for a few more years when my son is an adult.
2006-09-26 01:39:02 · update #1
you are a very caring person but you need to let your ex be your ex and if he tries to bother u again you can do one of three things 1 have your current lover beat his a**
2 call the police
3 get a restraining order
hope i helped
2006-09-26 01:35:41 · answer #1 · answered by indiadeknowitall 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you too have a soft spot for him. You decide to leave and you left. I do not see what problem you'd be having with him now. And since you say you love the other man so much, you need not even think much about your ex, unless you have some guilty feelings about leaving him. If you are sure you are the GOOD one of the two of you, then you need to just ignore his suffering to him. And if you loved him, how did you so quickly be able to love someone else so deeply three months after leaving? Maybe you are the bad one and that's why your ex hurts at seeing you go when he still loved you.
The decisiuon on what to do is yours.
2006-09-26 08:41:17 · answer #2 · answered by kombo6m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, tell your husband. Tell anyone who lives in the same town as you that you're close to. Then everyone knows and you are NOT alone in knowing what he's doing and all that.
Next, why are you considering anything at all?
Third, he's manipulating you right now. You must be exes for a reason, right? Do you think he respects you if he is bothering you while you're married?
I bet your husband and family/friends have some ideas what to do. He needs to leave you alone. I know you probably don't want to think this way, and I've never done it before either, but you may need to get a restraining order or something if he won't leave you alone. Don't even talk to him anymore.
I hope things start going better and that you do tell everyone and get this to end.
2006-09-26 08:36:41 · answer #3 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your lending him an ear he'll continue being a jerk over this. He's having a hard time letting go which in turn is making him miss out on other oppertunities to find love somewhere else. He needs professional help and soon. One day he may lash out at you and do something really stupid. Avoid contact with him because if you continue talking like a friend to him your not helping him. He see's it as a chance to try and get you back into his life. Tell him you will not talk to him till he seeks help and has had therapy for some time to get over this.
2006-09-26 08:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to write a letter to your ex, tell him in more detail what you explained here about not going back. Let him know even if your new love wasn't in the picture you have moved forward and cannot look backwards.
If he has admitted to the terrible things he did in 14 years, bring up some of those things. As much as he promises he has changed, you know that the past will come back and you will just end up hating each other. Better to part on speaking terms.
2006-09-26 08:42:06 · answer #5 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is your ex. As long as there are no children involved then there is no reason whatsoever that you need to answer the phone when he calls at all. If you continue to feel guilty about your ex's hurt feelings and talk to him, you are going to slowly lose the loving relationship that you have now.
Tell him to stop calling you and not to contact you in any way, form, or fashion. If he feels bad about losing you then he should have thought about that before he decided to mistreat you. Feeling bad about his pain will only take time away from the happiness you should be feeling while starting this new life and new love.
2006-09-26 08:38:57 · answer #6 · answered by A.R. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems you have taken care of your ex for 14 years - and he got used to it. Maybe it's time for him to deal with his sadness/anger on his own - like you said he made his own bed. In ways it sounds like he also is a boy who needs to grow up.
I wouldn't ignore him or his comments - but I put some serious boundaries down. You are not the right person to be his shoulder or support. The sooner he figures it out the better.
2006-09-26 08:46:50 · answer #7 · answered by Applecore782 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, ignore him. What ever happend between you two mybe happend again. My mother in-law and father in-law had the some probleme. See left him and a few months later he want her back. So see went and then he did the something. And know there are finally divorce. I know it is sad but it is for the best. You can go on with your life and be happy again with out him. Mr write is out there some were for you. So good like and I hope you will met Mr write so you can also be happy.
2006-09-26 08:40:16 · answer #8 · answered by Lizel M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the "personal" comments about his hurt and such. He's only thinking about himself. I wouldn't talk to him unless it was about the son and arrangements for visitation. Ask him not to mention anything else; tell him you have moved on and so should he. Don't feel sorry for this man! That's what he wants you to do. Keep your distance and let him see the son without alot of contact from you. Godloveya.
2006-09-26 08:42:20 · answer #9 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to remember why you left your ex. Second, you need to stop feeling sorry for him. You need to get a restraining order against him. I have been there before and believe me, I wish I would have gotten a restraining order. My ex kept coming around and trying to be nice, when I rejected him he got crazy. Do not take a chance on what he might do. Stop playing his game and let him know once and for all, it's over and you have moved on. Do not give him any attention at all. GOD bless you.
2006-09-26 14:18:23 · answer #10 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋