Can abusive men change their abusive behavior with therapy?

Question

For some of you who are trying to save me, it ¸s ok it¸s just a question :)... I would never date that kind a guy even less be with such...

Answer 1

No !!!
They're like thieves !!
Ones a thief ...always a thief

Answer 2

This depends entirely on the abusive man. There are a few things to consider. Is the therapy something that the man has chosen to do or is it court mandated? Is the man taking the therapy seriously, regardless of why he started? Is he taking responsibility for his abusive behavior? Is he undertaking therapy because he realizes that he wants to change, or is he doing it mainly to achieve some other goal, such as getting his abused partner to come home?

Probably the most important factors in answering such a question lies in whether or not the abusive man owns his responsibility for the abusive behavior he performs and if he is pursuing therapy for his own betterment, independent of other "perks" his therapeutic involvement may entail.

I don't have any statistics at hand to quote, but I believe that very few abusive men who enter therapy meet the above criteria. Most are there because a court mandated their attendance. Or, they are attending as a last ditch tactic to get their partner to reenter the relationship, after which they may stop attending counseling. Or, in some cases, they attend counseling with an inexperienced counselor or pastor who doesn't really understand the cycle of violence and the dynamics of abusive behavior, and use the experience to "prove" to his partner that he isn't solely responsible for his behavior.

My advice to any woman in such a situation is to see if her abusive partner is willing to complete therapy geared toward changing abusive behavior regardless of her own involvement. To explain, if the abuser is only willing to complete treatment if she stays, or under some other condition, this is an indication that he isn't invested in getting the therapy and perhaps doesn't believe it is important for him to change. If he is willing to to do therapy, no matter if she stays or goes, then perhaps he has accepted that his behavior is unhealthy and wants to improve for himself.

Finally, anyone who is being abused can access help over the phone and over the internet. I'm adding some resource links below. ***However*** it is important to remember that your calls and your internet activities from home can me monitored and traced quite simply. If you are in danger, access the information you need from a public computer at a library, etc., or make phone calls from a friend's house or a payphone.

I hope this answers your question. Good luck!

Answer 3

Sometimes, with professional support and ongoing treatment recovery can be achieved. Unfortunatly the spouse who is suffering abuse can usually not be reunited with the abusive partner. Often the relationship will revery back to an abusive one out of habbit. The best option (although many woman do struggle) is to leave the partner. He is very unlikely to get better within the relationship and very commonly the abuse contiues to worsen and become very dangerous or even life threatening.

I am really hoping that you are just asking out of curiosity and not because you or someone you know is in such an awful situation :-) Take care

Answer 4

If you are involved in this abusive relationship-GET OUT NOW!
Based on your question, I am thinking you are involved with this man. You cannot change him. If hasn't started hitting you yet, he will soon enough. If he has been hitting you, you do not deserve this and do not make excuses for him. It is HIS fault, not yours. Even if he gets help, be leery because these type of men can fool therapists. He will be a "good boy" during his sessions, but I can tell you he is "storing" up his anger to use later and when he does, you don't want to be anywhere near him. If this man has a history of drugs or a criminal record, this is another reason to get away from him. Hopefully you do not have children and even if you do, this is even more the reason to leave. Your kids will mimic his behavior and will grow up abusive or abused themselves. I do not know all the facets of your situation because you are not very specific in your living arrangements. I can only speak from experience. But I must repeat if you are in this relationship, GET OUT NOW!

Answer 5

From what I understand about abusive men, is they can talk a good game but in the end, they will be abusive again. I'm not a big believer in therapy to solve problems like child molester and abusive people. It's only last temporally and they go back to their bad ways again. Prisons are full of people that are back for the second, third time for the same offense.

Answer 6

Well, at the risk of being a preachy Christian, let me share a real true-life story.

My father has a bad temper. He wasn't personally abusive BUT he used to break things around the house whenever he was stressed out. We lost dishes, cups, a few phones and doors and even a bathtub because of it. And all while being a Christian.

But he wanted desperately to stop it, to be able to love all of us without lashing out in anger. And God helped him. Through prayer, counselling and something called deliverance, the most he'll do now is get all naggy on us. (It's cute really to see this big man whine at you like some old lady).

It is possible for abusive men to change their behaviour but they must be willing to face it themselves first. If they're not interested in change, don't waste your time or risk getting yourself hurt any more. My dad had to deal with the hurts he faced from his parents who beat him up but once he did, he changed. The same can happen but it's no easy road.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Good question! According to Lundy Bancroft and others who have worked with abusive men, only about 10% of men make a complete turn around. It's a very difficult process and one that very few see as worth their time and effort. If you like to read, try checking out anything that Lunday Bancroft has written. One of my favorites is, "Why Does He Do That?"

Answer 8

I think so, but the important point is by whom, if it should be done with the person who can not get rid of his or her own abusive shadow- even it is so ignorance, I think it would be not a complete achievement, but if it follows up and performs with a person who is free from any abusive or shadow subject he or she can do it perfectly- even it goes slowly by feedback to the person under therapy by himself/herself!! It is too much difficult for self therapy but it needs good guidance and believe in improvement.

Answer 9

Well, if they can, I'm not going to be around to see it because I have far too much self-worth and self-esteem to give any attention to an abusive man. Girls, make your man treat you like a queen on a throne, as you deserve. Do not settle for anything less!

Answer 10

If a man is physically abusive? He wont change, it doesnt matter if he receives shock therapy! If your in a relationship like that, leave! It will only get worst.............They always say "im sorry! i will never do it again!" .............................If the man is verbally abusive? Yes he can change with therapy!

Answer 11

Only if they really want to change. If a man is going through therapy because the woman wants him to, he probaby wont change. A person changes only if it's something they want.