My friend got with an older man when she 15 and he was 32, she is now 21 with a 3 year old girl this man used to hit her and I think he still does, he dumps her so she trys to get on with her life and then he will come back and she will take him back. Me and her family are sick of this yo yo senerio. Im always there for her but Im sick of going round to hers, taking her out etc.... then weeks later she will be back with him. Same thing happened last night and I rushed round to cheer her up, but she will soon be with him and I wont hear anything from her for ages, Im I being mean by moaning about it?
2006-09-26 00:34:21 · 28 answers · asked by Angelkiss85 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Only do what you can do. Only do it when you can. You two are obviously good friends.
But she makes her own decisions.which is to continue to stay in this relationship. Those are the Facts.you respect her decision without judgment .
Be a friend, be honest and set your boundaries
you wont be running to help her or pack her up every time or taking her out to cheer her up everytime she calls when thing arent right. You know that she will alway go back to him and this back and forth is not being fair to you or your family you cant and wont do it any more.
let her know that you love and care for her and.she can call you anytime, you are alway there to listen as her friend but nothing more .
2006-09-26 01:17:06 · answer #1 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do to help her - but it doesn't mean you shouldn't sit down with your friend and explain what it is doing to your life. Let her know that as a friend you are there for her, and now you need the same help from her, and you need her to listen to your problems. Explain how this constant yo-yoing is putting a strain on you, and that you would like to be her friend all the time, not just when her bloke isn't around. Take the opportunity to explain that her family are worried for her safety, and you would feel happier as a friend if you could be sure she wasn't in danger.
However, be aware that if she's the wrong sort of person, she may react badly to this and throw you out of her life. If this happens. Put it down to one of life's lessons, and move on - there are plenty more friends to be had out there.
2006-09-26 00:44:21 · answer #2 · answered by cuddles_gb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A similar situation is happening me, the friend only calls when the bad stuff is happening with her partner, she goes back and I don't hear from her for weeks until it all happens again. Its really infuriating I sometimes I think I should just forget her, but I do care and dont want to see her hurt. In reality like your friend the bubble will burst and hopefully she will eventually see that this man is doing to her. She was so young when she met she probably,Her self-confidence is probably rock bottom, and it'll take time for her to see she needs to get out. Be there for, because knowing she has the support of friends will give her the strength to leave. I understand though how infuriating it is, and you need to vent do you're not being mean. Just don't give up on your friend, she needs you
2006-09-26 00:45:22 · answer #3 · answered by fingersmith 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're her friend and want the best for her so no I dont think you're being mean - but you also need to see things from her perspective - shes been with this man from a very young age and has a child with him - she obviously has a bond with this man - maybe even a reliance on him due to the age she was when the started dating. It sounds like hes like a security blanket that she constantly falls back on and maybe shes even possible frightened to be without him - again due to the fact that shes spent so long with him.
I know its easy for you and I to look at the situation and think what the hell is she doing with him - but you need to see it from her side.
I think you should talk to her - explain that you cant bear to see her suffer this way and that you worry about her so much, and you wish she could be strong enough to leave this man permanently - explain that you will be there for her every step of the way - maybe then, she'll rely on you as her form of security and leave this man.
You cant force her to do so, but you cant be putting your life on hold to suit her either - let her know that you cant be there at the drop of a hat and you feel heartbroken that she uses you when hes missing and then the whole story repeating again.
You sound like a good friend - I hope she realises it.
2006-09-26 00:44:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope. It's high time for a little something that we call "tough love" around my neck of the woods.
First of all, I'm not even going to question how she spent three years with this joker as a minor without her parents stepping in. However, as with any unhealthy relationship, it is time to take a step back and stop being an enabler. Perhaps you and the family can stage an "intervention" during one of her lulls between being a glutton for punishment and taking him back. Tell her everything you have to say, hold nothing back. It also might be good to arrange for her to stay with someone who can keep an eye on her and keep him out of the house. At least until she is on her feet emotionally.
Stop allowing yourself to be walked on. She may not realize it, but that is exactly what she is doing to you. Feel free to tell her that. Tell her also that you love her and will be her friend but you are no longer going to listen to any tales of woe that involve this particular Mr. X. Those she is going to have to work out on her own.
I don't know what the statute of limitations is on statutory rape in your state, but if I were her mother I'd certainly be looking into that as well. This man is sick if he sexually pursued a 15 year old at 32 and putting him behind bars would get him out of her life for good.
2006-09-26 00:41:14 · answer #5 · answered by A.R. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No,getting pissed off does not make you mean. Your just tired of seeing the same results over and over again. Let her be. As a friend you've already done your part. Now it is time for her, as an adult to take action. She knows what she needs to do. I think her emotions are doing the thinking for her more than her intellect. Believe me, when the moment comes, she will put her foot down and take action and leave that S.O.B for good. Any man that hits a woman is a looser in my book.
2006-09-26 00:52:29 · answer #6 · answered by kiTT 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her straight ... She has to make a decision - either finish with him completely or suffer his intolerable behaviour.
She should realise that the guy is a total dick head and that regardless of having a daughter with him, she would be so much better off without him. At 3 years old, her daughter is too young to be really worried by the split and when she's older, she can be told the full story. Of course, he is entitled to access to his daughter and this will have to be sorted out with lawyers but what's that when she will have a better, happier life without him?
2006-09-26 00:39:36 · answer #7 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being mean at all. You're trying to look out for your froend which is what you should be doing. I feel sorry for the little girl, this must be upsetting for her aswell. If my friend was in the same situation I think I'd have to say something to her so called partner. This can't go on. Good luck! x
2006-09-26 02:20:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its sad to say but you just need to keep on being there for her and stay neutral! She needs a friend! She is obviously being controlled by this man and is not as of yet willing to get out of the situation! You cant push her otherwise she will turn on you (as remember he in in control) if you push her she will have no one when she turns her back on you and he has the upper hand again! Just stay patient and listen to her!
She may also just be staying there for her babies sake if she does express the need to leave but is worried about her baby etc. Just remember to lend support!
Its a tough situation as I have had a similar thing with one of my close friends but I figured out they wont leave the guy until they really feel they need to ! Hope this helps x
2006-09-26 01:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by Glitterstar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that on one of your 'outings', you should take her for a tour round the local battered wives association or take her to a councellor and just ask her to spend one session with him. If she won't agree, just leave leaflets lying around her house, especially ones about children caught in a violent marriage. Eventually it will hit home that this is not the sort of life she wants for herself and her child. Until then, just stick by her; because she will need you 100% more when she's out in the world all alone.
2006-09-26 00:39:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋