Been in a serious relationship moved in together and living toghether for a month.. Boyfriend works night shifts non stop for last 2 months due to shortage of staff.. He is very irritable, tired and so on.. We don't see each other much plus he has a 12 year old son that comes and visits every now and then.. Our sex life has decreased plus he told me yesterday that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore not the way a guy must feel over a girl when they stay together...He says that when things get to serious he wants to run away and rather have a casual relationship but in the same breath he wants me to take care of his kid when he's at work.. I love him terribly and things was great before the move and work situation...Please help.... What can i do i don't want to loose him... Could the problem be with me and i just don't see it??????
2006-09-26 00:04:30 · 15 answers · asked by Cins 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
One, it seems he is under stress from his work. ask him what you can do to help relieve this stress.
Two - it sounds like he has some committment issues, that you may want to talk to a counselor about. Obviously, he was in a relationship (12 year old) that went bad some place. Has he dealt with all of those issues yet? IF he wants to run away, it doesn't sound like it.
Good luck!!
2006-09-26 00:12:12 · answer #1 · answered by brian c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than likely it isn't you.My boyfriend also has been working the night shift and a good majority of the time it's the same way for us.He is extremely tired and irritable.Luckily it doesn't sound like your boyfriend will be working the night shift permanently
Just give him his space and try to be understanding as much as possible.I am sure your boyfriend still loves you and wants to be with you but is having a hard time with the change.Try to stay positive and avoid conflict.The more you are supportive the easier it will be for the both of you.I don't believe he wants you there just as a babysitter for his 12 year old.Things may seem hard right now but it does get better with time.I wish the two of you luck.Stay strong.
2006-09-26 00:24:47 · answer #2 · answered by kandn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am guessing the reason he dont feel the same about you is you guys dont spend alot of time together. Maybe you guys need a weekend together away from home. Night shift is hard but you have to learn to deal with it. He's son is the #1 thing in his life or should be. You have to make time for him but when he is not there you have to make time for each other. If you dont make time for each other then the spark will be gone. You have to show the other person what they mean to you. Sounds like you guys have already got in that rut. You need to talk to him and find out why he dont feel the same anymore. Try to work on that. Do the things you did when you first started dating. I hope things work out for you guys. Good luck
2006-09-26 00:14:11 · answer #3 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a tough one, working nights for that length of time when it is not something you normally do will take its toll without a doubt.
It effects moods, stamina, sex drive, everything. it may just be that he is finding the adjustment difficult. it may also be he does not deal with pressure well hence his comment about things getting serious he wants to run, now if that is the case he was unfair on you and should not have moved in in the first place, this was dishonest and not fair on you.i mean how much more serious does it get when two people move in together and share the parental responsibilities of one or others of your children.
he needs to find out what his issues are with commitment and deal with them, this also could be an excuse on his part to. so you need to decide if its just work, and if it is, support him all you can until this is over, he wont be doing nights for ever. if its not then the ball is in your court.
2006-09-26 00:12:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a strange but true explanation actually be the job... when i was in the radio biz,i worked nights for many years and the sleep deprivation alters your judgement profoundly....daytime sleep is never as good as nighttime sleep...and it messes you up pretty bad. I became very moody...mostly bad....very absent minded ...very quick tempered...and always felt like i was in a daze...the doc gave me some sleeping pills and they improved the quality of sleep and things got a little better, but things and myself didnt get back to normal until i got a day job , even then it took a year or so until i regained my old self...some people can take night work just fine ..some get really messed up by it...some of what your man says could be clouded by sleep issues...quite possibly he is afraid of commitment and is looking for a way to lighten up the relationship, and use you at his convenience...i dont know him so you will have to decide what the situation is, talk to him and then make the call ..is it sleep deprivation or is he a commitment phobe ,if he truly loves you he will work toward a solution with you ...good luck
2006-09-26 00:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How serious can the relationship be if you don't see each other anymore and I don't think you should be used to be his babysitter.
I think you should sit him down for a serious talk and give him some of the facts.
Love shouldn't hurt, maybe you need a break away from it all to think about being in this situation - your not seeing or thinking straight.
You are too dependent on him. Be strong and tell him you will be back when he sorts himself out.
2006-09-26 00:18:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the move in together was a little too soon. Do you have other arrangements you could make? Somewhere close by? Sounds to me like he's not getting enough rest. When you don't sleep enough, you body fights back by being angry, short tempered, not focused and plain talk it just doesn't function at a normal level. He needs to change hours or jobs. As for his child, he needs his dad. If you're willing to take care of him that's great, but your boyfriend isn't living up to his responsibilities. I don't believe the problem is you. But you have some choices to make. He isn't thinking clearly and it means he isn't thinking about you. Take care of yourself. hugs
2006-09-26 00:15:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I won't say it, don't move on just stay put and prove your love to him. Then watch him cheat on you again. he probably did not feel he was cheating 'cause it was the first week. he was just sampling all the goods laying around so he can choose which girl he's gonna bang. The first one that spreads her legs and gives it up. So don't move on, stay and watch or blow him, yeah, that should do.
2016-03-27 10:17:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you not see that he is casual and not interested in you anymore? His son is his problem and not yours. He has told you in so many words- does not feel the same way any more- wants to run away if you get serious. Enough clues. Pack your bags and run! Do not Waste your time with him.
2006-09-26 00:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by openpsychy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not you and that much I can assure you. Be independent yet some one he can count on, earn and maintain his respect and thinks could only then work out. Don't let him take you for grated but b there for him. I dunno if you are getting what I am saying. Just be yourself, the woman he fell in love with and let move in without turning into an insecure confused babysitter and god give you the strength to rough this out....
2006-09-26 00:10:58 · answer #10 · answered by Ice mother 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋