How to avoid conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?

Question

I am getting married soon. Any tips to avoid conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?

Answer 1

"Loose lips sinks ships"..........keep your personal opinions to yourself and respect personal boundaries. Don't share your dirty laundry. If you expect her to knock on your door when she comes to visit, show her the same countesy. In other words, do onto others.

Answer 2

U have to be a little bit psychologically symapathetic towards her. She has given birth to ur husband, reared him up, taken the charge of the whole family & just recently may have been enjoying full freedom in the home front.
Now u r an intruder, however nice she would be, she will feel this threat subconsciously.
Give her this feeling that u r not an intruder atall, take her out of this worry, this sense of inseurity, make urself and herself understand and feel that u R a younger member than her and u can never replace her position.
That doesn't mean u'll lay down on floor, if u find smthing too illogical or impossible to follow, keep mum but avoid doing it. sometimes she may ask u to do such things just to check ur attitude towards her or check ur patience.
But SHE IS NO VILLAIN, NOR U, JUST VICTIMS OF THIS SOCIAL STRUCTURE.
THAT'S ALL.

Answer 3

You must understand that this has been going on for generations, A Mother n Law is always going to have a suggestion, it all depends on how you react to it.
You and your husband must come to a decision that this is your life together, and no matter how many times Mom tries to get in the way...just smile, be gracious, and Thank her for the suggestions, it doesn't have to be a battle, Mother n laws were once Daughter n Laws too.

Answer 4

Love is in the air, and the wedding bells are ringing . But you have to face the family behind the love mess. Well here some tips i can give ya.
When she try to give some advice to you. Shake your head and act like you are listening, even if it's something you don't care to hear about.
some in laws will make like an interview, but hey that are not your boss. Take it one day at a time. Make sure your soon to be other half, helps keeps them busy as well. Try to be nice as you can.
If a tongue flicks, and bad words comes out. Then stand your ground and let her know how you feel. If she don't care how to talk about you. then you make sure you give it all back to her.
Try to be nice as you can first. Things seem to go well, then proceed with it. Don't know how your soon to be mother in law is. So hard to help you out any further. But good luck.

Answer 5

oh....where do I start?! My motherinlaw has always been a stay at home mom, never worked a day in her life, and is a slave to my father in law. He makes all decisions without her imput and she thinks its all good. I on the other hand was raised my a single mom, am an attorney, and am not domestic at all. I have two kids (a 2 yr old daughter and a 5 wk old son). My mother in law and I clash all the time. She wants me to be domestic (barefoot and pregnant while I let her son do whatever he wants). We are both hispanic (she is from S America and my family is from the Caribbean) but our cultures are very different. If you find any tips please forward them to me because the woman hates me because I have a career and an opinion,

Answer 6

Take this advice. If ever a conflict arises, be the bigger person and say nothing. If you fight with the mother-in-law you will bring the problems into the marriage. No sense creating problems between you and the new husband. Remember, he loves you both but he has loved his mother longer. By saying nothing you won't give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you. Keep in mind that while your husband loves you both, he picked you to marry. He didn't pick her.

Answer 7

In most cultures the mother-in-law / daughter-in-law relationship is expected to be filled with thorny tensions. Folk sayings and jokes reflect the anticipated hostility between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. For example, a saying from Tunisia, North African states, "I wish my daughter: the sun of the winter, I wish my daughter-in-law: the sun of the summer." (The winter sun warms the body and in contrast, the summer's is uncomfortably hot.)
Advice to mothers-in-law: Becoming a mother-in-law does not include the same privileges of being a mother. You can no longer offer suggestions, visit, or phone your married children freely, especially the first year. Step back and refrain from unsolicited suggestions and criticism.

Advice to daughters-in-law: To improve your relationship takes effort: be attentive and respectful. Value your mother-in-law as an individual, not just for her utilitarian value. Remember that your mother-in-law expects and needs the same courtesy and respect you do.

"Simple Politeness and Graciousness are Equal to Wind and Water, in Changing Matters" This maxim is an important rule for both daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. Respect and kindness are what each needs to enjoy this potentially wonderful relationship.

Answer 8

Though conflicts cannot be avoided completely, with mutual understanding we can reduce the conflicts. Some tips have been given at http://interesting-readings.blogspot.com/2006/09/handling-in-laws-wifes-perspective.html

Answer 9

Remember that a MIL is a MIL and not M.
you are her DIL and never can be D, unless ofcourse she has no Ds. this is ideal since you can fill her vacuum in not having a D.

by marrying the S, you are definitely deminishing MIL's importance.

win S's trust first and then shift off from MIL's house.

distances have a way of easing tensions and improving the relationships.

Answer 10

i have been married for 20 years & we are living with my in laws all our life. i tell u i & my m in law are the best of friends. we have never faught with each other. we never tell the men about our disagreements etc. all the problems we solve ourselves. i treat her as my mother. & friend. i take her advise for certain things & she takes mine for certain things. we neve backbite each other.before fixing an outing with my friends or my husband i ask her whether it is o.k. with her. she feels happy.this way. give her the assurance that your husband is still her son & u r not competing with her for his love. mothers love is different from wifes love. be in your limit while u show your concern about your husband in open. when mother feels insecure about her son she becomes a threat. when she knows that her son is still hers she is a treat to enjoy .my relationship with my mother in law is so strong that we cannot be without each other.that doesnot mean that we don't have any disagreements, arguements etc. we do have but we accept each others good points & come to an agreement ourselves.sometimes i win & sometimes she wins. that is the part of the life.we never complain about each other to a third person. here even my husband is a third person.

Answer 11

1.Discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion, and compromising equally
2.Expressing and listening to each other's feelings, needs, and desires.
3.Respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each person to "be themselves."
4.Respecting each other's need for privacy.
5.Resolving conflicts in a rational peaceful, and mutually agreed upon way.
6.There is room for positive growth and you learn more about each other as you develop and mature.

Try above and enjoy a sucessful marriage life-