I've just found out that my husband's father's fourth (yes, 4th!) wife is pregnant. Hubby's dad is in his 50's and his latest wife is in her 30's. He has a young child from his previous marriage who he no longer sees and he was not much of a father to my hubby when he was growing up.
My husband and I are desperate for children but will have to wait at least 3 more years as we can't afford it yet. Hubby's dad knows our situation and is pretty well off and could help us out but he says he can't afford to. But apparently he can afford to keep his new wife in jewellery and pay for a nanny (god forbid they should care for their child themselves!) I know that I should just accept the way things are with good grace and be happy for them, but I'm eaten up with jealousy. I had a miscarriage in July and it just seems so unfair. I'd appreciate opinions and suggestions - am I being unreasonable or am I justified in feeling so bitter?
2006-09-24 23:19:12 · 10 answers · asked by Fifi L'amour 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, you are just a human being having a normal emotional reaction.
I had 3 miscarriages and a daughter that died at birth. I finally had a baby, my only son. In fact, after having him, I had made the decision to have a tubal ligation, yet, over the years, as someone would get pregnant, I longed to have another baby and felt some jealousy.
I would even walk in the baby department at stores and look at clothes during those times. I think this is the "maternal instinct" and I understand your feelings.
I do think however, that the purest thing you could do, is to try and share a feeling of joy for the upcoming arrival of a brand new life. Try not to allow your jealous feelings to branch into being judgemental of others. Accept your feelings, keep them in the smallest proportion you can, rejoice all births and keep the faith that an special angel, a daughter or a son, will come to you and your husband.... just exactly as God wills. I send you my best blessings.
2006-09-24 23:33:38 · answer #1 · answered by jude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is reasonable for you to be jealous especially since you lost a baby. However even if your husbands father is a rotten person he has no obligation to finance you and your husband. It is sad how many people believe that parents should give money to grown up kids. I hope one day i will be in a position to help my children, but I would be annoyed if they expected it as I have given them everything I could right up until now. I now you are in a different situation with your stepfatherinlaw being a bad father, but he is still entitled to live his life the way he chooses and you will be much happier if you just get on with living yours and not thinking about what might be if he would just give you some money. Also recognise that having feelings of jealousy are normal when you want children and at this time are not able to. I hope things work out for you.
2006-09-24 23:26:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u are justified in bitter thoughts but dun get eaten up by it. sometimes, certain things take some time, sometimes its just not meant to be the way u expect. regardless whether ur dad in law managed to become a father again, should not affect u in any point of time.
having a child is somthing great, i know, but when u have probs and have a miscarriage, just imagine what it would like if u end up giving birth to one which is almost a vege. God does things in a funny way, so laugh it off and move on. i guess u guys are still active to try.. and there is nothing known as too poor for a child not too rich to afford one. dun take ur forth coming child to be an expense.
2006-09-24 23:29:45 · answer #3 · answered by JAY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you are having these feelings, given your circumstances, but I do think you are being unfair. Everyone is entitled to live their life as they see fit. If your father in law says he can't afford to give you money, then you should just accept it. He has a wife to look after and whatever your opinion of him or his wife, it is his money and he can spend however he wants.Why shouldn't he buy his wife jewellery? Or have a nanny?
You should concentrate on getting over your miscarriage and saving up so that you can raise your own family. Do try and be happy for them, but if you can't ,at least try not to resent them - life is too short!!
Good luck - I wish you well.
2006-09-24 23:29:01 · answer #4 · answered by Fluffy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now everyone can cure infertility using this natural remedy http://pregnancyhelps.info
infertility can run in the family and one of the first things the doctor asks you when you go to a fertility clinic is your family history regarding cases of infertility or other reproductive issues.
If infertility is caused by genetic disorder then it's not unusual that one of the kids (your mom) doesn't have it and another does (your aunt).
two months of trying is still to early to be concerned about the fact that you might be infertile and it's also quite early to go to a fertility specialist. Go to a regular Obgyb to get a closer insight and see what ways there are are to improve your fertility rate.
Also remove alcohol, caffeine and cigarettes from your life because they might influence your chances too. Stress is also a risk factor when it comes to infertility.
2014-12-21 06:11:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a natural emotion, but yes you are being a little unreasonable, and that's not judging you, sadly we have to make our own way in life and not judge the quality of our lives on others. If you are happily married or in a stable relationship, waiting till you can afford a baby may never come.. if you want a little one, then go ahead, money does not make for a good home or parent, yes it helps materialistically but some how I sense you will be happier and excellent parents more so than you better off father in law and his wife? good luck to you.
2006-09-24 23:24:45 · answer #6 · answered by dianafpacker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
really i do understand that you are hurt and that you want a child of your own....i would not think about her and her child...wait until it is time for you to have another try at having a child and when you can afford one...it does seem unfair but this is not a fair world....do not be jealous and try to be as nice about this as you can....it is not their place to pay for your child...it is your husbands responsibility.....calm down and see a counselor if you must...getting the feelings you have now is not going to help you at all....it will come the time for you to have your own children...we do not understand everything but just work on you and your husbands relationship and do not worry about someone elses life and what they do or don't do...
2006-09-24 23:28:07 · answer #7 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand ur problem, even iam in the same situation that waiting for a child from 3 years. But its gods grace to give or not give us children. So u pray god for having a child and consult a better doctor. Don't be jealous, it diminishes ur personality.
2006-09-24 23:28:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to be the bigger person. People who are that selfish dont understand what its like to be in your situation, in fact they have no idea at all. Be strong be proud, give yourselves those 3 years to get your finances together so you can have the child you yearn for.Im sure it will be hard but, but once you achieve your dreams it will be all the more sweet. Your father in law clearly has no desire to help you out, give him the two fingers by showing him that you can do it on your own.
2006-09-24 23:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can understand why you feel bitter , But who ever said life was fair lied . Do you wish him misery as it will not change your situation
2006-09-24 23:22:20 · answer #10 · answered by jac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋