My fiance is in Iraq right now. We always argue about him overreacting to situations in our relationship. (He overreacted on things before he went overseas.) Granted, I have my flaws and have made mistakes in our relationship but there are some things that I think I need to take a stand. For instance, today I told him he has an angry personality (because he gets angry a lot) and he got really really upset and told me to take it back. I just told him that he needed to control it better.I talked to him in the morning after he just woke up because earlier before he went to bed we got into a fight and he told me that he is now really tired because he stayed up all night being upset about our fight. He has to go to work and I am really worried about him because of his lack of sleep and him getting hurt because of it. I told him he should never worry about our fights because work comes first. Now I will blame things on myself if something happens to him. What do I do in this situation?
2006-09-24 20:25:32 · 7 answers · asked by souplane21 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I always try to access if I am in the wrong. He makes me feel wrong a lot when I don't think so, so I always feel like I need a sounding board helping me decide.
2006-09-24 20:32:12 · update #1
Don't blame yourself for your fiance's lack of self-control. He is trying to get you to take responsibility for his being "upset". Stop feeling guilty for stuff that he needs to sort out for himself.
2006-09-24 20:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he's trying to find an excuse to take his stress out on u. As u can imagine, he's under a lot of stress but this does not excuse his bad attitude towards u as u are NOT his sounding board. Instead of confronting him, why don't u just listen to what he has to say because chances are, he's taking what you're saying out of context just so he can vent on u.
It's a tough situation because right now, you're both away from each other. I suggest u wait until he gets back before suggesting anger management classes for him because if he doesn't learn to express his anger in a less destructive way, it will only hurt your marriage in the long run.
2006-09-25 03:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't argue. If there is nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. He is venting frustration because of his situation. When you talk to him let him be right. He's got a lot of other frustrated buddies and superiors all raging & venting at him at once. Just tell him "I'm sorry , you're right, I don't know what I was thinking." Let him win a few small battles @ home, while he's over there. When he gets home and pulls the same crap...give him the what for and you tell him to check his package and toe the damn line or get his face back in the dirt for 200.
Stand behind him for now girl, give him hell when he's home safe.
2006-09-25 03:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by twostories 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know the situation and dont wanna,my wife and I used to do that before i'd head out on the road(im a truck driver)and it would drive me nuts,he's probably in a high tense situation and your pissed 'cause hes not there with you(thank him,for me for being there by the way)He's angry because he cant be there with you too..He's out and probably feels helpless about the everyday situations he cant deal with 'cause he's there.My guess he's asking a lot of you too and in his eyes your screwing it up(thats why the fight)you need to stop attacking each other and open the lines of communication again,lay a common ground the next time he calls and both of you need to stop playing the one up on each other,you and he need to comprimise(i'm sure you know this now its time to put it in to practice.I'm sure it did keep him up but what did it really was how to win(manipulate)the arguement on the topic of which you were fighting about.(guys do this...we're problem solvers)And it actually would focus me when i left my wife(but it wasnt healthy) I dont know what you said to him but I'll bet it was more for shock than what you actually meant.So both of you need to ask yourselves what is the issue and how to get it done,He'll be allright.You both are just too far away at the moment,keep it positive
2006-09-25 04:49:54 · answer #4 · answered by stygianwolfe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you are both confrontational.
I is up to the two of you to deciede if you can live with this sort of partner. Personally I want a guy who is mellow and non confrontational.
It seemslike when people are young they don't realize that they have choices in who they need to be with, As you age we know what sort of things we can and can't put up with it. You need to make that decision.
Try to make your phone calls to him as happy joyful times.
Don't choose this time to be condensending to each other.
He is working hard and doesn't need a downer converstation with you. And you miss him and you need to feel uplifted when you talk to him. Other wise the two of you will pull each other so far down that you will forget what it means to be happy in a relationship.
2006-09-25 03:36:13 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
HAHA!!! you are a wuss-bag girl and you are letting sombody else controll you because you have no self respect. congradulations. you have officially become boring enough that you don't even respect yourself.
now get a self help book (these things are written by experts and they help) learn some self respect and get a life. with a man who respects you.
OR keep asking stupid questions with obvious answers.
2006-09-25 03:30:56 · answer #6 · answered by Matt G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
manipulaing, you dont need that in your life
2006-09-25 03:32:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋