I am going to file for divorce soon from my verbally/emotionally abusive husband. We live together although he has not paid our mtg for 4 months. So eventually we won't have a home and he tells me he won't give me anything until the courts make him. I'm wondering if I should leave first before filing or file and see if the judge makes him pay for the house. I was planning on staying until I had to leave for one because I really don't have anyone to help me move a of yet (I've left before and they're skeptical). Also, I am not really looking forward to living with my mom( privacy issues, not being the woman of my own home, etc). Also her neighborhood is l bit rougher than mine (we currently live in a good neighborhood in the burbs). I don't know how he'll react because Iknow he doesn't think I'll actually do it.
2006-09-24 20:20:10 · 12 answers · asked by Veronique 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well as far as living with my mom as my only alternative, htat's where I have the most support. I have 2 small children. I feel safest there too as far as having someone there with me. I have never lived alone and I feel that would be too much for me all at once. Also I have been laid off for several months and my unemployment ran out and I haven't found another job yet.
2006-09-24 20:30:32 · update #1
You should move out immediately, it's not a healthy situation and although living with your mom is not your first choice, it's better than living with someone who is abusive.
Remove the important things that belong to you with the help of several friends and family. If this is an issue, just take the essentials and get to your mom's house or other safe place where he cannot harrass you.
2006-09-24 20:24:02 · answer #1 · answered by jgood 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
File the divorce papers and tell him you have done so.
Is your name on the mortgage or lease? If so, you have as much right to remain in the house as he does. If after you've informed him that you have filed papers, or they are served on him, and he becomes even more abusive, call the police and report a domestic disturbance and ask that he be removed from the home. First, talk to him and tell him you want the house.
If will not leave the residence, the court will order that you sell the place and divide the proceeds from the sale. If you have children, you may be awarded by the court to keep the house.
Good luck.
2006-09-24 20:30:28 · answer #2 · answered by niteowl716 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you pretty much answered your own question. you weighed out the pros and cons and made up your mind. if your husband is being abusive though why are you still in the same home as he? if he aint paying no bills though you dont want to lose your home. but wouldnt you want to start a new? no old memories? couldnt you bite the bullet for a minute and start your life somewhere where he has no memories with you get the money for selling your home or whatever the judge says then again he will get half that but who cares if you are splitting you have found you and not allow no man to down you cause of his insecurities or his low esteem
2006-09-24 20:31:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is not "to leave or to stay," but rather to find out the reasons for your poor choices in husbands. Experience shows that leaving one husband after the other doesn't prevent you from making the same mistake. This time, it is crucial for you to understand the deeper reason for your pattern -- the unconscious system that makes you fail again and again in your marriages.
As long as you don't resolve this conflict within you and do not stop seeing yourself as a woman who "deserves" to be abused by her husband, staying or leaving wouldn't make a real difference.
My suggestion to you is to seek intensive and introspective psychotherapy. Only when you understand the source of your marital problems will you be able to make the right decision.
2006-09-24 22:08:00 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave as soon as possible if you have your children then they need to be in a good surrounding and being with the huisband is not good,,and you know you mom will be there to help you,,you privacy is the last thing you should be thingking about and your children are first... cuz if you dont do what is right you might lose your kids if the tell anyone what is going on at home
2006-09-24 21:06:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's face it if he was abusive before , now that he is facing divorce, thus may be the breaking point for a very bad person already , so yes run like hell change all methods of him contacting you an file for everything he has he he he
2006-09-24 20:28:44 · answer #6 · answered by freeby1011 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is moving in with your mother your only alternative? Can't you get a place by yourself, or maybe with a room-mate to keep costs down?
2006-09-24 20:26:15 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is better to be alone and safe i think you should of course leave first. why stay your only there for his gratification of beating on you. leave before you and him get served the papers.
2006-09-24 20:35:06 · answer #8 · answered by thesloppysnatch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WILL YOU ACTUALLY DO IT? AND YOU ARE NOT THE WOMAN OF YOUR OWN HOME. HE IS THE MAN! YOU ARE LETTING HIM STOP YOU FROM GETTING CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE! UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO TAKE CONTROL, HE WILL WIN EVERY TIME! AND YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT! MAKE HIM LEAVE!!!!!! IT'S YOUR HOME TOO DAMMIT! GET A GRIP GIRL! IT'S YOUR LIFE!
2006-09-24 20:25:06 · answer #9 · answered by lisa j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave first cause if he gets the papers and yor their he might do something really horrible to you.
2006-09-24 20:24:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋