my husband e-mails his ex on various occasions. it seems as though he does it when we have argued about something, or he is upset. i have comfronted him about this, he has lied, and recently i found out that she didn't know he is married. needless to say she now knows, and he is acting very distant. i am sooo tired. i tried to talk to him and stay with him because of uor son. but it is taking a toll. w are not intimate, i am thinking about getting a divorce, and i don't know what to do.
2006-09-24 19:22:59 · 16 answers · asked by honesty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Either he dumps her, or you dump him.
2006-09-24 19:26:18 · answer #1 · answered by S K 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is picking arguments as an excuse to not feel guilty for emailing her. I think it's possible he has never really got her out of his system. Do they have any children together? If this is a fact it may well be a long time. If he doesn't have children he needs to move on if possible. I feel you are correct by saying this happens near the time he emails his wife. I would seriously consider divorce if he didn't change. I would not bring my child up with a partner that I was having problems trusting. I don't think this is healthy for the children either.
Some people say stay for the children but I have had this experience and I believe it caused my children to have some relationship problems later in life. Children need to be raised in a loving healthy family environment. It's OK to fuss a little but distrust is something that hurts marriages. If he is doing something that is causing your distrust it is not all your fault if he won't stop. Especially if you have already explained this to him.
2006-09-24 19:39:38 · answer #2 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should confront him also about his lies. Tell him, if you haven't already, that you know that he lied, and you feel as though the trust in your marriage is dieing. You need to also figure out why his ex is playing a roll as a comfort zone when he is upset. It sounds as though he is trying to go back to the past when his present does not work out. I would recomend seeing a counselor or trying to work out your problems in some way. I know counselors usually appear to be a waste of time, but it is better than just giving up. My parents recently were near signing papers for a divorce, and it ruined my world. I was mostly upset because they didn't give it a chance before they ended it. Luckily, they decided to iron out the problems in their marriage and stay together. They have both been so much happier. Some people cannot work out problems very well without the aid of counselors, so I suggest that if the problems seem like they will not be easily worked out, you both see a marriage counselor. I am saying this for the sake of your son because I know how much it hurts.
2006-09-24 19:33:51 · answer #3 · answered by housesoftheholy90 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do not get it. you're asking the thanks to placed a end to those communications, yet why? once you've his digital mail password, then you actually understand what the emails say. both they are innocuous, or they are not. in the experience that they are innocuous, only get over it. As various human beings have talked about, what's the large deal? So, he's chatting with her, so what? on the different hand, possibly they are not innocuous. You mean this once you anticipate on your question that your husband will misinform you in case you confront him. if it truly is the case, in spite of the indisputable fact that, preventing the verbal change received't help. He would locate yet another procedure verbal change. no matter if you've been one way or the different able effectively to cut back off all verbal change between him and her, you're nevertheless left with a husband who should be unfaithful, so the position is the convenience? Summarily, then, you want to both a) drop the count number and trust your truthful husband, or b) confront your unfaithful husband and start up determining the topic matters on your relationship.
2016-11-23 20:16:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well divorce isn't the ultimate option, but I see where you are coming from. At the same time, you can't sit on this and wait for the day that he isn't going to lie, that he will become intimate, and that he will no longer be distant. You should tell him that it is time to separate since if he has issues with you, he is supposed to be directing his problems to you - not an old gf. OR he has to agree to go to a counselor. Counseling would be great for both of you and many marriage counselor do private sessions too - he sounds like he has a deeper issue going on and clearly he doesn't want to tell you that.
But you are right - this kind of lifestyle and his mannerisms are exhausting to deal with. I wouldn't let him feel like he can get away so easily on something like this. If he is talking to his ex everytime he is angry at you, he is going to learn to turn to other women for sex or emotional/physical needs and continue to lie about it at the same time.
2006-09-24 20:26:03 · answer #5 · answered by actresscye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would kick his butt to the curb...file for Divorce....get as much as you are allowed for Child Support.
Take his clothes to his Ex-Wife's place and drop them on her porch or front lawn. Take ALL his things over there....change the locks on all the doors....
Get a restraining order....
But, this is just what I would do...
2006-09-24 19:28:08 · answer #6 · answered by BITE ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot seriously be wanting to getting a divorce just because your husband is communicating with his ex. Obviously you have other issues or you wouldn't be thinking about such drastic measures, so whether he is communicating with his ex or not has little significance.
2006-09-24 19:27:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce is not an immediate action. Try to talk with him in a mild manner first. And try to solve your problem.
2006-09-24 19:27:58 · answer #8 · answered by Mutya P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's not totally over her yet. Tell him that he's either with her or with u and to make up his mind because u won't stand for it any longer. Then, give yourself a time limit, as far as how long u are willing to wait for him to make up his mind and stick with it.
2006-09-24 19:43:12 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he needs attention dear and i think ur letting ur life to turn upside down. u have to react,look no woman would like to share her husband, if he's emailing when u both argue, means he need some1 to share and listen to his problems. dont u c urnt giving attention to him.and y divorce if ur married ur accepting dat u argue 4petty things.my advice change ur attitude if u urself can give everything ur man needs DO U THINK HE'LL SEEK OUT?? the major prob is with u dont tyr undsten him. change be4 its too late and he move out with her.forget the topic of email if he's with u enjoy together rather than arguing believe me if u continue he'll leave u.now u decide wat u want him or a miserable life.
2006-09-24 19:37:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best thing to do is communicate- more. Try to talk him into marriage counseling. I know your tired... if the couseling doesn't help, your best bet is to let him go because it will be harder for you (and your son) to let go.
2006-09-24 19:30:35 · answer #11 · answered by candyxxx2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋