I was ready to file for a divorce after a very verbal and emotional abusive relationship. Then Thursday I got sucked back in with his fake charm and pleading. I gave him another chance. He keeps promising to go to counseling and to change and never does. Tonight he hollered at me because he says that I'm a greedy mf b/c I shared a bag of popcorn with the kids after dinner. And I'm a stupid ***** b/c I couldn't "handle" the kids(just b/c they're playing normally like kids do). It just goes on and on. please anyone tell me why I am so stupid for putting up with this for 12 years, 2 little children 6 and 4 1/2 . What can I do to get stronger ? I can go live with my mom(our house is about to go into foreclosure b/c he hasn't paid for it in 4 months and he is constantly on ebay ordering bullshit that he doesn't need. Please be very frank with me I need to hear the harsh truth. Hopefully I'll get some courage.
2006-09-24 19:19:08 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get out of this, it will be the best thing you can do for urself and ur kids. He will not change and u know that. So go away.
2006-09-24 19:22:37 · answer #1 · answered by antigone 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I watched a talk show about this a long time ago about a woman that was in the same situation. The reason you keep giving him another chance is because you think you love him. But guess what? You don't love him girl!!! You love the image of the perfect guy he acts whenever he doesn't abuse you. The image that you love is not the real him. It is all an act. It's fake. He is acting in order to have power over you, which is, as you can see, working. But you can end this!!! You need to get out of this relationship. Don't be afraid. You can do this. I also suggest that you speak with a psychologist so that you build up your self confidence. You can find another man-- someone out there that will truly love you!!!!
2006-09-24 19:25:07 · answer #2 · answered by -- 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go..one the kids don't need to see or hear him talk to you like that...2nd you don't need it either..
3rd a real man takes care of his family and does not act like an a*s*s
You got to leave him do it for the kids sake and saftey and your to..There are alot better men out there who would take care of you and your kids..and be more like a real father.. I can say this because I am a 37 yr old father of a 13 yr old and a 9 yr old been living in a 4 bd rm house and i am not late on my bills either.
my wife always says any guy can make babies but it takes a real man to be a father..go live with your mom and start a new life ok..
Do it for your kids...do it for your self..not next week Do it now..!
2006-09-24 19:31:03 · answer #3 · answered by hononegah1988 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're NOT stupid, you're scared. I was scared for seven years and went through it over and over. Restraining orders, changed locks, packing up, all that, you need to find a good friend to talk to. To bring you back up from where he has put you. To give you the courage and support to leave. You said you had thought about it, so that tells me you really do want to be done with it. Remember children learn what they live! You'd never want your son to treat a lady like that, and you'd never want your daughter to put up with that on a daily basis. Believe me no matter how much BS spills out of his pie hole it'll never change. Once and abuser always an abuser.
2006-09-24 20:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by angeleyes_13180 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I had an abusive father. It was the scariest thing in the world. All I ever wanted was for my parents to get a divorce. But my mom was too scared to leave him. You dont realize it, but it is affecting your children big time. I'm 19 and still messed up because of it. Verbal abuse may lead to physical abuse. I've seen my mother get hit more times than I can even count. Eventually he went totally crazy and he killed our pet dog, then he killed himself. These kind of people never change. All they do is hurt the people in their lives. If you get a divorce, make sure to get a PFA (protection from abuse) for you and your children. I hope you find the courage to leave him.Good luck to you and God bless.
2006-09-24 20:00:21 · answer #5 · answered by Victoria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please leave him when you can. I come from an abusive relationship, and I waited until I almost died. It will happen. Do you have a WEAVE program that you can attend? I have never been to one, but I hear they are really helpful, and there are people that can understand, and you might make some friends that will be there to get you through the hard times. After all the sadness it is so worth it to leave.
You are allowing this to happen. You have to do this for your kids. They will never forget, and they might also follow in his footsteps.
You have to be strong, and stand up and take care of business. Be ready, and take on your challenges head on..
I have faith in you.
2006-09-24 19:25:53 · answer #6 · answered by idontknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I put up with emotional and verbal abuse for many years. I should of left sooner. I thought I had to stay for the kids. Well, my kids suffered because of it
Do'nt stay much longer, he will convince you that you are worthless and ugly etc and the sad part is that you might start believeing him.
Go before the kids start using drugs and drinking to avoid their dad.
It is much better for kids to be from a broken home than to live in a broken home.
More questions and support. feel free to email me
2006-09-24 20:49:03 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't waste another minute with this jerk. Take the kids and move to your mother's house until you can afford to be on your own. File for divorce and be sure to state all your assets and what he is to pay for. Visitation rights will be settled at that time. Hopefully he can pay child support. If not, check for places in your area that give mothers training to be self-supporting. Believe me, your kids know what's going on and will be happier without their dad around to mentally abuse you.
2006-09-24 19:25:02 · answer #8 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AM SORRY THAT THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU AND OF COURSE MY ADVISE WOULD BE TO LEAVE HIM,BUT I KNOW IT IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE, BUT KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THAT, AND THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE THAT WOULD LOVE YOU,TRUST ME I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWENTY YEARS TO A MAN I THOUGHT TO BE MY SOLE MATE AND FOUND OUT HE IS ACCUSED RECENTLY OF RAPE AND MOLESTATION IMAGINE MY DEVISTATION WHEN I HEARD THIS OF COURSE HE IS SAYING IT NEVER HAPPENED AND I DONT WANNA BELIEVE IT, BUT I CAN NOT BE WITH A MAN THAT IS CAPABLE OF THIS ACT, AND AS BAD AS IT MAY HURT ME AND MY KIDS I MUST CHANGE AND YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE AND THINGS TAKE A TURN FOR THE WORSE.
TAKE CARE AND ONLY HANDLE WHAT YOU THINK YOU CAN AND ALSO AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT DO IT FOR YOUR KIDS IF NOTHING ELSE THEY CAN NOT MAKE THAT CHOICE SO DO WHAT IS RIGHT. AND UNTIL YOU DO SOMETHING SERIOUS HE WILL NOT TAKE YOU SERIOUS.
GODBLESS
2006-09-24 19:53:07 · answer #9 · answered by angel b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are a woman and women have a hard time going against abusers that scare them. He knows he has you scared and nervous and you can't think straight he is aware of this so he has control over you which is the only way he can have a woman. Without you he would have no one because no one else would want him i guess this is your purpose in life. So no you are not stupid just very unfortunate.
2006-09-24 19:34:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not leaving because you have NO self-esteem ! Try to remember what you were like before you met him. Would you put up with him with that kind of behavior if you were just dating? What changed from then til now? Figure that out and you might have you answer.
2006-09-24 19:23:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋