My soon to be ex husband of 3+ years and I are filing for divorce. We have a 2 1/2 y/o daughter who is the love of both of our lives. We have been through so much together, the military, his deployment to Iraq, him being gone while I delivered our child alone...more than any young couple should handle. We are both young and we are both stubborn which is why we fight alot, and then about every 6 months - 1 year we both decide that we should get divorced so we are not miserable....but then when we say we are going to be friends its like we cant get enough of each other!!! and we have the most awesome relationship.
Anyway, I need to figure out a way to tell him I want to make this work with him. We have already filed the papers and I dont know if I am just holding on or if I should let go?
2006-09-24 18:46:30 · 11 answers · asked by sweet_kristinabakersfield 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him: "I still love you."
Your marriage has endured some intense stressors, and these may be clouding your decision to seek a divorce. And maybe not.
I sympathize with your loneliness during his absence. He probably feels the same when he's not with you.
Examine what "marriage" means to both of you and what your expectations are. The fact that you "can't get enough of each other" and "have the most awesome relationship" when you decide to be nothing more than friends kind of implies that your expectations of marriage may be idealistic and not practical. Couples argue; you're both human and are not always going to see eye-to-eye on issues.
Examine what it is about your marriage that makes you both feel so miserable. Did you marry due to pregnancy? Perhaps you really are better suited to share a friendship and parental responsibilities to your child.
And maybe your marriage can be saved.
It is wonderful that your child really rocks both your and hubby's worlds, and I hope it stays that way for her sake.
Good luck to all 3 of you.
2006-09-24 19:08:46 · answer #1 · answered by niteowl716 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it sounds like you have been through enough rough stuff. I hope he too feels like getting back together. It is possible that as a veteran he and you are available for free counseling. Even, if you don't go into it with the total committment to get back together, it will make the process much easier on both of you and your daughter.
If you can get counseling from the VA or military, there are also some good clergy who are used to helping couples.
Counseling will also answer your questions about whether this is the right move right now or not.
I wish you a lot of good luck.
2006-09-24 18:54:23 · answer #2 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both have to really commit to this relationship, I think you both are taking this divorce too lightly. Have you considered marriage counselling, there may be some underlying issues which when resolved will help this relationship survive. Divorce is a very painful, emotionally wrecking thing to go through and most divorcees say that they never get over it...do you really want to go through this. What are you going to tell your daughter when she grows up...mommy and daddy just couldn't get their act together. As for young couples suffering, there are some who have gone through things far worse...my sister's husband died of terminal cancer within 2 years of their marriage, my cousin's husband ended up in coma for a year after a car accident and she had 2 kids to manage on her own for all that time plus a comatose husband...so take it easy...things aren't that rough and you and your daughter deserve to take care of this relationship and not just throw it all away whenever you feel like it.
2006-09-24 18:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just go see him, and say. I Love You, lets put our pride and our mistakes aside, and really try this time. As you are in the military(my husband is in the army) there are a lot of services available for you to partake in for this kind of thing. Also, know that tricare covers up to 8 visits to a mental health specialist ...as in marriage counseling. My husband has been to iraq also, and we have been where you are now, and it is so hard. But if you really want this to work, remember it is a VERY long road to get back your happy marriage, and it will take a lot of work, on both sides. And, you still have the love of your life, that little girl, who needs you and needs you to keep in mind whats best for you. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way, and you wont know for sure until you talk to him. Good luck
2006-09-24 19:13:00 · answer #4 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The divorce is not final until all the papers are signed and notarized. Invite him over, and have a nice calm talk about your relationship. Admit your shortcomings without bringing up his. Have you tried marriage counseling? Talking to someone outside the situation often helps. Has he sought counseling after his time in Iraq? He may not know it, but he may need it. If y'all keep getting back together, then obviously, something is there, so, all you have to do is find it, and go from there. Good luck!
2006-09-24 18:53:23 · answer #5 · answered by persnickety1022 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the final papers have not been signed off on by the court, you may still have an opportunity to stop the divorce.
I myself would recommend couples counseling (especially since he served in Iraq). Enduring trauma like that changes a person's ability to cope and adapt to what used to be normal life.
You have nothing to lose that you don't already have.
Best of everything!
2006-09-24 18:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by ☺ . CIEL . ☺ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL him say do you really want to do this after all we been through we been through alot this is just on hill that we can climb together tell him lets try to make it work lets try counciling if we have to lets not give up just yet lets give it one more try. Make sure you and him can compermise too if you guys get back together.
that does helps with relationships.
good luck
2006-09-24 18:51:20 · answer #7 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be more concerned with the child in the question, her mind is at a critical stage of development right now and situations such as this one can totally alter her perception of what loving parents should be.
2006-09-24 18:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by Chris H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just admit to him and yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and you feel your love for him is more important than your pride of being in denial.
Get professional marital counseling.
2006-09-24 18:56:21 · answer #9 · answered by ♫☼♥ ≈ Debbi ≈ ♥☼♫ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU GUYS SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE SOME GROWING UP TO DO. STOP 'BREAKING UP'. IT'S BECOMING A GAME. YOU NEED TO SEEK COUNSELING OR SOMETHING TO LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. IF NOT, CUT YOUR LOSSES AND STOP FOOLING AROUND BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHILD WHO IS WITNESS TO ALL OF YOUR ANTICS. YOU NEED TO SET AN EXAMPLE AND LEARN TO HANDLE YOUR PROBLEMS.
2006-09-24 20:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by ♥2323vsb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋