Why do couple's fight about money so much?

Question

My boyfriend and i always fight about money and so does every other couple i know.I don't get it??? Even if your bringing in more then enough money your still fighting why?

Answer 1

It's not the money per se, it's actually an argument about control and power.

Many believe that the money that "they" bring into the relationship is "theirs", but often that the other person's money is "ours".

Who decides what to do with the money? If I think you're spending too much of "my" money, do I open a separate bank account?

If you open up communication and find out who's doing the controlling and remove that control element, you'll find that your money fights also go away.

Answer 2

Every individual is preprogrammed with conditions from family and society bringing their own preconditions thoughts and beliefs to a relationship. Therefore, there are two individuals each with this preconditioning. The likelihood they were conditioned equally is not very strong. So what you have are two completely different outlooks, reactions and approaches to money.

Some of us are spenders, others savers, and then you have two unique categories hoarders and money monks.

How each person reacts and acts is based on that early conditioning. If a relationship is too survive it would help for each person to understand where they stand toward money and how that differs from their partner. If necessary get counseling to understand and figure out how where each of you stand and how to work together that will make for a more peaceful marriage.

Answer 3

You got two people, you got two priority lists. They don't always have the same things on them. But they hold the money in common usually, so they have to decide which is more important, something he wants or something she wants. Well, both can probably argue that it is something for the entire household that is at issue, but that won't say which is more important.

Then, too, sometimes there are discussions about who should handle which expenses out of their "separate money." Even if they hold the basic household resources in common, once it turns into cash, it is in a pants pocket or a purse, and there can be conflicts over who should shell out for what, just like when teens go out together.

Then, sadly, there are those who argue over one disapproving of the other's way of earning -- or failing to earn -- a living. These arguments have the most sting to them of all. You can compromise on a given decision about a given purchase, but how can you compromise about the career you chose (or chose you) before you even met your spouse?

Answer 4

Sounds like a territory issue. When you're on your own you always spent however much you wanted on whatever you wanted. (At least, so you thought. You probably didn't have as much disposable income as you would like to think.) You could spend it on frivolous things, like going out and partying with friends, music, clothes, makeup, etc., but now you are trying to be more responsible and spend the same amount of money on all the responsible stuff (rent, furniture, appliances, eventually a 401K and insurance etc.), and don't have as much left over for the goodies you would really like to spend it on. And there isn't as much left over!

When we first got married we argued about money, and looking back, that was the reason. During one argument I said, "I PAY my bills!" not knowing that she was even more conscientious about that kind of thing than I was.

You gotta talk about these things. What is your vision for the future? What is important for you to have? How soon is that necessary? How much do you want to save? What things in that "frivolous" category don't seem frivolous to you, but necessary?

(My wife apologized when we were first married, because the makeup she liked was expensive and didn't know how I would feel when she spent so much on it, and besides, she's really conservative. I don't know how much makeup costs, but I know she's beautiful and she wants to continue feeling that way, so my thought was 'spend all you want.')

If you guys understand each other, it helps build a relationship instead of building walls. Good luck!

Answer 5

It's not really about money. It's about fairness. For example I'm 20 yrs old and my husband is 19. I make 72k a year and he makes 12k a year. I don't expect him to pay for everything because I pay for everything. It makes me feel like I always have to pay when we go out because he doesnt make as much. For a woman it's really hard to be head of household. One of these days I wish he would take me out, or buy me a gift, or pay for the movies. I think a lot of times with couples it's just about putting in as much as you can, even if it's only a little bit. You need to make sure you are both putting in. I know that if one person is buying everything and the other pays no bills, trust me, that person isn't going to deal with it much longer. Especially if they feel like they are being used.

Answer 6

Money is said to be the root of all evil. Look past the worldly desires in life like new sports cars and designer clothes and see the inside of a person, what makes that person you are with that person and you will live a happy life.

Answer 7

Money is not the real issue. It is a power struggle.

Answer 8

It's usually differing opinions regarding "need" and "want".