Has anyone solved this VERY delicate situation in any special way? Our parents live 3 states apart, so visiting both on the day isn't the solution. Also, is there anything anyone has done to make a special connection with their parents/family if they are away from them on this special occasion?
2006-09-24 17:06:38 · 35 answers · asked by Wander Woman 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One more thing, both sets of parents are WONDERFUL, and both VERY understanding. We love visiting them, and they've NEVER pressured us about the holidays, instead insisting that we do what makes us comfortable. We actually WANT to visit both, but unfortunately, have no space to accomodate a visit from them. :( Not that this necessarily helps--your advice has been wonderful--just wanted you to know we weren't dealing with mean or bossy in-laws....wonder if it would be easier if we were???
2006-09-24 18:01:24 · update #1
What I done was stayed home and sent them a plane ticket to my house as there xmas present...That way you can viset with both on the same day....Your friend......ROB
2006-09-24 17:12:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there's ever a right answer to this one! The best plan is to pick two major celebrations and visit one on each of them. So in your case, as I assume you're in the States, Thanksgiving and Christmas would be the pick. In the UK, it might be Christmas and New Year.
The most effective way to do this, is to ask their advice. They must be aware that it's a problem, so ask them what they think. You may find that one set of parents is more understanding than the other, and will actually volunteer to be the one that "misses out" this year. That will mean you don't have to make the difficult decision.
Do also remember that families differ in their attitude to certain festivals. So for some families, Christmas is the most important family event in their year, whereas for others, it might be Thanksgiving or even New Year. You may be lucky and find that your respective families have different priorities, in which case you can settle down to a routine where you always spend their preferred day together.
2006-09-24 17:20:13 · answer #2 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IMPORTANT! This will be a problem your entire marriage unless you take my advice and do it right for the first time in the history of the world.
You and only you have a chance to redeem us ALL because this is your FIRST Christmas as a married couple!
Do not visit either of them.
Before the holiday, flip a coin. After the holiday, rock, paper, scissors. BUT NOT ON THE HOLIDAY!
When you have kids your parents or in-laws will be expecting you to come because you've always gone before...but now you are the parents and you want to open gifts around your own tree, with your own family, in your own house.
Trust me. You will THANK me in 10 years!
44 years old and I have NEVER spent Christmas at my OWN house!
Yeah, yeah, yeah....that's we all thought until the Grand-kids were born, and the parents became older and lonelier.
2006-09-24 17:12:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chritsmas has never been a big deal with my husbands family...... so we always have gone to mine... not on Christmas day but for the eve, and now we go the wk before or the wk after..... and we stay at home on Christmas day because we now have grand kids of our own...... but you could do the same as we did..... go to one about 2 wks before and the other a wk after or maybe none the first yr and just enjoy the time together and alone......... or invite both sets to spend it at your house if possible...... or you could take Thanksgiving with one this yr, and then Christmas with them next yr and so on.... split the holidays fairly each yr........ you will work it out.... it is hard and you will hurt some feelings but , and I say this with love to all envolved, you and husband are a family now, it all comes down to you and him....... God bless
2006-09-24 17:29:04 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my own children married I reminded then that their vows say that they are a family unto them selves. Christmas is a Season and it is not required to visit anyone on Christmas. You Could invite both sets of Parents to visit you for dinner let them travel. Or give them the right of refusal to attend. You two a starting your own traditions in your married life. Did you celebrate your weddings the same way your parents did.
What are you going to do when children come along,drag the poor babies out in the snow to see the grands. Good Luck and peace on Xmas
2006-09-24 17:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by timex846 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
which parents occasionally celebrate christmas with the family?i mean all siblings must be on their dinner, that you should consider ahead of time. if the other parents does not celebrate it like others, if able to, should be invited to be included. one parents should understand since its quite a long distance from another.
if both celebrate holidays, its your decision to spend one holiday to one parents and another holiday with the other. maybe think over who celebrate thanksgiving and christmas so you can decide ahead of time since they are month ahead. this way, they will not feel neglected on holiday season without their family, as long you have them for that special holiday.
otherwise, you give the dinner and let them come to your house since its your very first time together, this way, everyone will enjoy your get together and both family will be there at the same holiday. i think with this idea, you solve both worry. the only thing you have to think is what you are going to have for dinner. with this issue, you should know what your parents wants and ask your husband what is their traditional menu, then both can discuss what is the best for them to have. or might want to try your own holiday dinner menu, combination of both, appropriate for the family to enjoy...good luck and hope you get the connections you need...
2006-09-24 17:22:10 · answer #6 · answered by salome 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should alternate each year or invite them to your house. For the first one, pick a name out of a hat and tell them that's how you chose which one to visit. By the way, if you get into the habit of spending the holiday with parents, you won't establish traditions of your own.
2006-09-24 17:10:07 · answer #7 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tough question. My suggestion would be (this assumes both sets of parents are Christmas celebraters) explain that you really want to spend that special day with them, but you obviously can't be both places so you will spend Christmas with one and Thanksgiving with the other and switch each year. I will be willing to bet they will start to make Thanksgiving a very special day because you are there.
2006-09-24 17:14:23 · answer #8 · answered by dulcrayon 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first year, visit NEITHER.
If you do visit one without the other, it will hurt someone.
Wait until the second year after the newness has worn off.
Hopefully, by then you will have reasons for the parents to
visit you (little bundles of joy) running around your home.
2006-09-24 18:20:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For your very lst XMAS as a married couple spend it together in your own home. Visit friends and relatives the day after or during that week. Create new traditions and memories.
2006-09-24 17:09:00 · answer #10 · answered by AVA 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since this is your 1st Christmas together.....spend it with just you two doing what YOU want. Plan to spend Thanksgiving with one set of Parents and do the Christmas thing with them...then spend New Years with the other set and have Christmas with them. If they can't deal with that....then they are selfish.
2006-09-24 17:46:49 · answer #11 · answered by BITE ME 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋