I have been with a man for six years and he is a gambler, he says that he has stopped for 3 weeks and tommorrow he is going to the doctor to get help. But I feel that I cannot trust him and everytime he leaves I think he is gambling, am I wrong and how do I change what I feel?
2006-09-24 16:50:03 · 10 answers · asked by blondeclan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Gambling is one of the worst addictions . I believe it is actually a drug addiction, a mind drug addiction. The rushes produced by the ups and downs of gambling are huge. It is one of the most baffling and insidious addictions there is. Make it clear to the person you are not going to tolerate this any longer. Demand he attend gamblers anonymous meetings every week or make it clear you are done with him. Take control of the finances 100% and do not allow him to have credit cards. Put him on a tight budget and beware for even after 1-2-10-or more years of abstinence this ugly addition can again rear its head. I know this because I used to live it. Go to some "open" gamblers anonymous meetings yourself to get literature. Though people can get better they will likely never really be cured,,, it is possible to recover from gambling addiction but rare and difficult. The person will need help and support and there will likely be relapses so be firm and supporting but do NOT let the person drag you down with them even if it is your spouse.
You may as well wish to seek help at gam anon, this is a group that helps friends and family deal with the problems and wreckage that a gambler causes. This is a big deal to me. seek and use the help that is available. Gambling is evil in my opinion. Stop it dead and pl,ease help oithers to do so too, for you for them and for the future generations become active on this issue please do now wait too long. Gambling destroys lives and familkies and spreads generationally. I could go on and on and on on this subject, please pray for help, seek help and reach out and accept the help that is available before it is too late. God Bless you for caring enough to seek help for yourself and your husband. I wll be thinking of you, whoever you are.
Also there are websites for gamblersanonymous.org where you can find help,,, good luck , you will need it unfortunately.
2006-09-24 17:10:18 · answer #1 · answered by zilla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't waste another six years of your life on him. Your feeling are guiding you in the right direction. Thank god you didn't marry him.
Oh I see now (read your other questions) it's not the fact that he has lied to you its the fact that you have found a new Sweetie (a 21 year old) and want to have a little fun. You are only using your current shack ups' short coming as an excuse. Honey, you don't need an excuse. You never married him. Just go. No explanation needed.
2006-09-25 00:08:03 · answer #2 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that YOU can do for this man, unless he wants the help. He needs a 12 step program like Gamblers Anonymous, they can be found in the phone book. No, you are not wrong, the trust issue has to be adressed. HE has to earn your trust again, and tell me if i am wrong, he turns it around and blames you for not trusting him, like you have a problem... get help for yourself--thats who you can help...good luck.
2006-09-24 23:58:46 · answer #3 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how long it takes for gambling to ease out of your system, I know with drugs and alcohol the first few days are the hardest because of withdraws, I hope for you this is true also. If someone breaks your trust it takes time to build it back up what you are feeling is normal, if he is really going to get further help go with him! You will help in two counts, being there to support him, and not beating yourself up for not trusting him. Stop that! Good luck to both of you.
2006-09-24 23:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by malraene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the man is a compulsive gambler then I could understand why you do not believe him. Now he do need some counseling. Neverthless trust your man and give him a chance and also do your part in helping him. Now if he is winning and it not hurting anything on the homefront or its his money and you are not lacking for anything, you can only trust his say about getting help.
2006-09-24 23:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by JoJoBa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a Gamblers Anonymous group and go together. Demand full financial disclosure, take over the family finances, and you both get a cash allowance once a week. Cut up his credit cards, debit cards, and put a freeze on your assets and savings immediately. Make him accountable for showing he is willing to get help and quit endangering your family.
2006-09-24 23:56:20 · answer #6 · answered by MimGregg 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly how you feel, the wondering, worry, suspicion, lying, it is no fun at all. My hubby has been doing GA and been doing good so I thought, then I found him today at the table playing...it was like a knife right to the gut. Trust gets shattered and then life is really tough. If you find out what will really work please share. I'm desperate
2006-09-25 04:12:34 · answer #7 · answered by angeleyes_13180 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out. IF he stops for 12 months, reconsider seeing him again. Otherwise, why waste your life with an addict? I wouldn't trust him either. And what the heck is a doctor going to do???? Move out and move on.
2006-09-24 23:53:00 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does not change, leave him and see what happens. Maybe he will change when he see you are gone. He will change and purse to get you back. Give him a good scare, if you really do not love him. Leave him and make it impossible for him to find you.
2006-09-24 23:51:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A doctor cannot help him. A shrink can thou. I wouldn't bet on it thou
2006-09-24 23:52:22 · answer #10 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋