My best friend is married but has met this man who is wonderful and has fallen in love with him. What to do?

Question

She is sort of happy with her current mate but this man she has met is just wonderful. He is so good to her and she has fallen so in love with him. He is all she thinks of but she is afraid to leave her husband because of society and family issues. She knows others will look down on her but she does love this new guy. Any advice for her?

One answer that I have gotten has really made me upset. This girl is my friend but in no means me. I have been married for 6 wonderful years to my husband and love him very much. He is the only person I could ever imagine spending the rest of my life with. He is truly my soul mate. I was shocked to read the answer that you thought it was me. Hell no I am very happilied married and concerned for my friend. She is very confused and I am worried about both her and her husband. And to follow up on an answer to a question that I answered. Yes I would do things differently than what I have done. I would have realized that my husband would have waited on my and I could have fallen in love with him at 22 as well as I did at 18 and not have the stress I did in college trying to be a companion to him as well as a student and he knows this too.

Answer 1

You say that you're a wife that is happily married, and that this is your Best friend. I'm an odd thinker obviously...but here goes...
I believe that I would have to respect my friends in order for them to be my friends. If I were to lose my respect for them..then I would have to lose the friendship. If they were doing something immoral I could not be around them, and I say this because I'm also a parent & this is what we teach our children.

That being said..I am also a big believer in you are who you associate with, so don't be surprised if her relationship/infatuation comes back to bite you in the rear! Even if only by rumor or association.

I do believe that you can tell her how you feel and state your "case" and explain that you cannot in good conscious associate with someone who chooses to live a life as she is choosing. Tell her that your door will always be open to her should she see the error in her ways because you love her so deeply but because you love her so deeply you can't bare to watch her make such a life altering mistake as she is. Then distance yourself from her. Don't be surprised if she "wakes up" pretty fast.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

yeah to stop being a dumbazz.. they all seem like mr. wonderful in the begining im sure your oops i mean her husband did too at one point.. she has no clue what this guy is "REALLY" like because she would have to be in a seriously committed relationship to see if Prince charming is for real or not.. its something u find out with time.. not just from a few months of him treating her like a queen.. you, i mean ur friend are about to make a huge mistake.. the husband isnt a bad guy he's a good man, and she took a vow to him.. and now that things have become routine and comfortable.. she wants excitement and passion again and the other guy is providing that for her.. but guess what.. the comfortable and routine would only happen with him as well as its a part of life..something all marriages go through.. keeping the fires burning , the excitment and passion takes work.. marriage is hard work.. and i feel for the husband as he has put all his hopes and dreams into u.. i mean ur best friend, and he's about to get his heart crushed and find out that she was nothing but a liar when she promised to always love him and only him and devoted her life to him.. as he did to her.. how would she feel if her husband was doing this to her??????? YOUR FRIEND NEEDS TO GROW THE HELL UP AND BE AN ADULT AND LEARN THE MEANING OF VOWS AND PROMISES.. sorry but shes a poor excuse for a woman..


a ? u answered earlier.. sounds like u and ur "FRIEND" have alot in common..lol


Oh wow if I could be any age again I would do 18 again. I would change my life completely. I would go to college without getting married and having a serious boyfriend. I think I would have enjoyed college way better single and I know now that there is someone else out there other than the man I married that I could have fallen completely in love with. Also if I knew then what I know now I would have also changed my career choice. I love teaching but I know there are better jobs out there with better pay and less stress. So I guess a better answer would be to go back to 17 where I could start my adult life over and change many things, romantically and financially too.

Answer 4

Well your friend needs to weigh her options and first and foremost she needs to try to look at what she has invested in this marriage. Either way she has to hurt someone and be hurt in the process. I've learned from a similar experience that it's easier if we don't allow ourselves to get in the situations where these things can happen. Unfortunately, you can't control who you fall in love with. I would encourage her to strongly consider who she loves and who she is infatuated with. Infatuation can confuse us tremendously and wreck our lives overwhelmingly.
All she can do is think long and hard at why she married her husband, realizing that marriage isn't something you just end when it's not "hot & steamy" anymore. You marry for better or worse. You do not marry and end when it's just not fun anymore. Ultimately, she has to do whats right for her, and those involved should also be considered. So if your looking for a "go ahead" to give your friend...try telling her to "go-ahead" and remember her vows and be there for her to vent to while she is trying to work things out. Seems you've offered more info on her love affair than the man she made the commitment to. Good luck to you all.

Answer 5

find someone wonderful?
you can find them every time, it is not important that he or she is wonderfull or not, the important things is, do you think she or he loves you?
u can find someone attractive but, do you think he or she is the best couple for you?
after your married, some times or maybe lot of time you will find some better then your wife or husband, but, if you still love each other, just forget the other things.
some one grass always looks better than mine, isn't it?

so, my advice to you, if you already married, and your husband love you, and you don't have any problem with that, than.... take a second honeymoon.....

Answer 6

She's married and she needs to deal with that separatly. If she wants a divorce for her own reasons, fine. Then when that is all said and done, she can think about finding a new man. Don't mix and rush a new guy now.

Answer 7

First drop her from your best friends list. Do not condone what she is doing. Aline yourself with better friends and you will have a better life yourself. This is my advice to you. It is society/family and friends that keep us on the straight and narrow. If she goes against all of these things she is a lost person.

Answer 8

I have a bit of advice for you! Stay out of it! She made her life with her husband and should honor her vows. She is no good and it could rub off on you! He husband will surly hate you if you get involved in this. And he should!

Answer 9

Im not going to judge but you and I already know that your friends minds already made up no matter what we say nor anyone else based on the fact that you have said she is worried about what others may say or think about her actions.

Answer 10

Yes and just tell her that the grass is green on the other side and looks darn good, like perhaps what you would do if all that grass was money. Now when she gets on the green grass side it turns colors and then what, mistake it not what it first pretended to be.