Can someone help me proof read this?

Question

Can you smell the steaming tofu from the pot? Isui, the woman on the left, and Hokagei, the woman on the right are having a delightful breakfast around 9am in Isui’s house. These two Japanese friends are both wealthy and are widows looking for a new husband. They have been very good friends since high school. Isui is serving Hokagei steamed tofu from a small, clay oven using chopsticks. Isui is very serious, concentrating on not dropping the small piece of food. She also doesn't want the water to drip all over the bamboo floor that was just cleaned an hour ago by the maid. The two women are also knelling down while eating. They are drinking tea from a small, black porcelain cups. In the front of the cups are vases. In them contain oils for the seasoning for the items in the clay oven. They both have different hair styles, Isui has her hair tied up into small bun, but Hokagei has her hair tied up into arches like tiny rainbows with chopsticks stuck right through them. The chopsticks, even though we don't use them, are used so the hair doesn't disentangle. They are both wearing a Japanese style clothing called kimonos, which mean “something to wear”. Kimonos were usually used for all clothing. Now, it is commonly know as wafuku, which means, “Japanese style wears”. That is what I picture after looking at the photograph. What about you?

Answer 1

Can you smell the steaming tofu from the pot? Isui, the woman on the left, and Hokagei, the woman on the right, are having a delightful breakfast around 9am in Isui’s house. These two Japanese friends are both wealthy widows looking for new husbands and have been very good friends since high school. They have very different hair styles. Isui has her hair tied up into a small bun, but Hokagei has her hair tied up into arches, like tiny rainbows, with chopsticks stuck right through them. The chopsticks, even though they don't use them, are inserted so her hair doesn't come undone. They are both wearing a Japanese style of clothing called kimono, which means “something to wear.” Kimonos were usually used for all clothing, but now they are commonly known as wafuku, meaning, “Japanese style wears.” Isui is serving Hokagei steamed tofu from a small clay oven using chopsticks. Isui is very serious, concentrating on not dropping the small piece of food. She also doesn't want to drip water all over the bamboo floor that was just cleaned an hour ago by the maid. The two women are kneeling down while eating. They are drinking tea from small, black porcelain cups with vases on the front. The vases contain oils for seasoning the items in the clay oven. That is what I picture after looking at the photograph. What about you?


I used to proofread all my cousin's term papers. He was the only one who never had a grammatical error. If you want, just copy and paste the new paragraph. I rearranged some things so that the flow of the paragraph was better, and I corrected several grammatical errors. Also, when you end a sentence with a quote, the period goes inside the quotation marks. It should look like "this." Not "this". I also left your description as one whole paragraph though it should be broken up into two separate paragraphs with the last sentence standing by itself as a lone sentence. The sentence that starts, "Isui is serving Hokagei..." is the beginning of the second paragraph, in case you decide to split it in two.

Answer 2

"Can you smell the steaming tofu from the pot?"

Isui, the woman on the left, and Hokagei, the woman on the right are having a delightful breakfast around 9:00 am in Isui’s house. The two Japanese friends are both wealthy and are widows looking for new husbands. They have been very good friends since High School.

Isui is serving Hokagei steamed tofu from a small clay oven using chopsticks. Isui is very serious; concentrating on not dropping the small piece of food. She doesn't want the water to drip all over the bamboo floor that was cleaned just an hour ago by the maid. The two women are knelling down while eating. They are drinking tea from small black porcelain cups. In front of the cups are vases containing oils to be used for seasoning the items in the clay oven.

They both have different hair styles, Isui has her hair tied up into small bun, Hokagei has her hair tied up into arches like tiny rainbows with chopsticks stuck right through them. The chopsticks are not used for eating, but used so the hair doesn't disentangle. Both women are wearing Japanese style clothing called kimonos, which mean “something to wear”. At one time kimonos were used for all clothing. Now they are commonly know as wafuku, which means, “Japanese style wears”.

This is what I picture after looking at the photograph. What about you?

Answer 3

Can you smell the steaming tofu from the pot? Isui, the woman on the left, (you need a comma here) and Hokagei, the woman on the right, are having a delightful breakfast around 9am in Isui’s house. These two Japanese friends are both wealthy and are both (parallelism) widows looking for a new husband. They have been very good friends since high school. Isui is serving Hokagei steamed tofu from a small, clay oven using chopsticks. Isui is very serious, concentrating on not dropping the small piece of food. She also doesn't want the water to drip all over the bamboo floor that was just cleaned an hour ago by the maid. The two women are also knelling down while eating. They are drinking tea from (“a” is not the correct because of disagreement in number, “a” is singular, while “cups” is plural) small, black porcelain cups (my advice would be to say “They are drinking tea from porcelain cups that are black and small”, but it is all about preference). In the front of the cups are vases. In them contain oils for the seasoning for the items in the clay oven. They both have different hair styles; (different thought and awkward transition) Isui has her hair tied up into small bun, but (instead of “but”, I would say “while”) Hokagei has her hair tied up into arches like tiny rainbows with chopsticks stuck right through them. The chopsticks, even though we don't use them, are used so the hair doesn't disentangle. They are both wearing Japanese (the article “a” is unnecessary) style clothing called Kimonos, which mean “something to wear.” (Whenever placing quotation marks at the end of the sentence, you quite to keep the period always inside of them, rule of thumb –the quotations are always the last part of the sentence, so it should look like “something to wear.”) Kimonos were usually used for all clothing. Now, it is commonly know as wafuku (capitalize “Wafuku” and place quotation marks around it like you should with kimonos), which means, “Japanese style wears”. That is what I picture (visualize) after looking at the photograph. What about you?

Answer 4

Can you smell the steaming tofu from the pot? Isui, the woman on the left, and Hokagei, the woman on the right, are having a delightful breakfast around 9 in the morning in Isui’s house. These two Japanese friends are both wealthy widows looking for new husbands. They have been very good friends since high school. Isui is serving Hokagei steamed tofu from a small clay oven using chopsticks. Isui is very serious, concentrating on not dropping the small piece of food. She does not want the water to drip all over the bamboo floor that the maid just cleaned an hour ago. The two women are knealing down while eating. They are drinking tea from a small, black, porcelain cups. In front of the cups are vases that contain oils for seasoning the items in the clay oven. They both have different hair styles; Isui has her hair tied up into small bun, but Hokagei has her hair tied up into arches like tiny rainbows with chopsticks stuck right through them so the hair does not disentangle. They are both wearing Japanese clothing called kimonos, which mean “something to wear”. Kimonos were once used as common wear. Now, it is known as wafuku, which means, “Japanese style wears”.

Answer 5

There should be a comma between the word 'oven' and using in this line: Isui is serving Hokagei steamed tofu from a small, clay oven using chopsticks.

The word 'kneeling' is spelled wrong here: The two women are also knelling down.

Take the word 'a' out from between 'from small' in this sentence:They are drinking tea from a small, black porcelain cups.

This sentence should say On the front, not 'in' : In the front of the cups are vases.

Hairstyles is one word, not two: both have different hair styles.

There should be a comma between the word rainbow and with in this sentence: but Hokagei has her hair tied up into arches like tiny rainbows with chopsticks stuck right through them.

Answer 6

your use of the word "but" is not needed in the following sentence, "They both have different hair styles, Isui has her hair tied up into small bun, but Hokagei has her hair...." basically what's your point?

Also consider "That is what I see in the photograph" as of now you're saying. That is what I photograph after looking at the photograph" or That is what I picture after looking at the picture" Do you understand how it's saying the same thing. And maybe of "what about you?" force the reader to become more introspective.

Other than that it looks fine, though I'm not sure what type of class its for.

Answer 7

They are both wearing a Japanese style clothing called kimonos, which mean “something to wear”. Noun problem there. Try this:
Both wearing Japanese style clothing called kimonos, which mean “something to wear