parents fighting.?

Question

My parents are old now. 65ish. Theyve been married since they were 21 yrs old. I thought they were happy but after my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer,things changed. he doesnt have any hormones anymore. my parents are retired and i think my father is too bored at home. we found out theres another woman in his life. he calls her secretly and no longer loves my mom. my mom was very dependant of him. typical traditional asian mom. she always did whatever he says.. she always followed him..cooked and cleaned etc. right now they are sleeping in separate rooms and my father shows signs that he really hates her. my mom doesnt want to divorce because she will have nothing, and at this age, shes too old to be on her own. she doesnt want to tell my brother and sister because they will yell at my dad. im in the middle. im really scared and i dont know what to do. i love both of them very much , im really disappointed in my dad, but he never had any education so thats why.plshelp

Answer 1

Continue to love both of your parents. Tell your siblings what is going on. Maybe it will shock your dad out of his crisis. Your mom is probably entitled to 1/2 of everything your dad has. Most states are community property states. If she never worked then he will be required to pay her a stipend called alimony. She is already alone. If she refuses to get an attorney. Encourage her to make a life for herself inspite of his cruel behavior. I know that this hurts you but you must remember that your parents are also a couple and this is actually between them. Learn from this and never allow yourself to be so mistreated in the future. If a man does this to you then make him leave.

Answer 2

Honey, oh, I am so sorry! I am 45 and I cannot even imagine the fear you're experiencing. If your father actually said, "You broke my heart" it doesn't HAVE to mean he had an affair. She might have betrayed his trust in some other way. As I have said, I don't know the particulars of your parents marriage, but a father is a father, and he LOVES his children, so I bet when he cools down and thinks clearly he will get in touch with you and your sisters. Being a Daddy's girl myself, I know this first hand. I know this is hard. Please try to stay calm, and that will make your sisters feel safer and not so afraid. What I would do is stand by your mother and let her know you care about the situation, and then try to find out what's going on. 14 in this day and age is practically an adult- well, pretty close to it. Have a serious talk with your mom. I'm wishing you the best.

Answer 3

Ok that's not why you dad is a p.o.s which is a piece of ****... if you mom is really too afraid to make a go on her own she needs to be happy so maybe she should go outside marriage , which I do not think is right at all but she needs some encouragement from you guys to help her out to let her see that she can be on her own. And 65 is not old at all , whatever she is good at she needs to look for a job where she can do it and she needs to get a divorce , or they need marriage consoling which I'm not sure if I even believe in that.

Answer 4

Sweetie,u need to let your brother and sister know they have the right too and u don't need to try to handle this all alone.And your mother does need to look in getting a divorce cause even though she is of the age she is and she has always been at home.she is still in title to money of some kind from him.Cause if he is doing all these things with the other woman he may up and one day walk out on your mom or worse yet put her out.And truly leave her with nothing.Cause u do not know who this other woman is and what she may talk him into doing so u do need to get all your family involved so u can help prepare your mom for what ever may come. And so she will not Left out in the cold from it all.

Answer 5

My gut tells me the kids should KEEP OUT OF THIS, unless there is abuse. If papa isn't having sex then this fling may end and he'll settle into old age.
Advice for mama, stash some cash. If she's in the US, and a divorce does happen, she'll probably have a place to live and money as well, but separate bedrooms is a good idea, and trying to live together peacefully is an even better one.

Answer 6

My parents were married once upon a time, but now everytime they say each other they got nothing nice to say. I would find something to do to take up my time and try to not think about it. Maybe your father feels as though since he has cancer his feelings has probably changed and his self esteem as dropped as well, there is nothing you can do, only some people get tired of love. I'm getting married in July and everybody is telling me marriage is hard, but even I kno that so just pray about it.

Answer 7

You have to find a way to separate yourself from your feelings on the situation and do what needs to be done. Easier said than done I know however, it is in everyone best interests just based on what you told us, the first thing you have to do is find out where both you parents stand from the looks of things it is not best for them to be to gather unless they are going to actually put in the energy to work things out. In that case they need to separate because your mother is in a dangerous situation and your father feeling like he needs to sneak is also a bad prat ice. Then whats next is simply coming up with a plan for their living arrangements, and basically making sure that everyone is one the same page as far as what is going to happen. If your siblings can manage to deal with things without getting worked up tan they can help you with this, but the idea is to stay focused on the solution not get caught up in the blame but actually causing things to be better.

Answer 8

I would call up the new chick in his life and tell her to back off. Maybe you could find out if she is married and tell her you are going to tell her husband she is messing around. She is probably after your dads money. Tell your mom to hold tight. He would have to file for divorce and I doubt if he would. She should make sure she is having a good life on his nickle. She should crab up a storm if he is spending money on the new squeeze.

Answer 9

all of us has a reason why these things are hapenning to us,. God will not give you any problem that you cannot handle. All you have to do is open a bible,read and pray. Try to talk to your parents regarding on what you feel and how it really affects you.I believe that any problems comes our way has a blessing in return. Have faith in Him. If it wont work maybe because you dont have much more effort to give your trust to God...

Answer 10

It might just be that your dad is having a hard time dealing with his diagnoses. I believe you should sit the both of them down and talk to them to see what is really going on .