Baby question: Is my sister in law right or is my mom right? My mom felt vey offended by the mom's actions.

Question

my sister-in-law had a baby last August 18, and seems over protective. The chaos began last Wednesday, when my brother came to my house with the baby. You see they changed his diaper, and gave them 3 oz. of milk. But after the milk the baby continued crying loudly and sucking his left hand intensely, my mom told them to give the baby another onze of milk, so they fed the baby. The kid didnt stop. So my mom told the parents to give the baby a pacifer, the both of them refused to do so, since the pediatrician said "no" (without any explanations) So today they brought the kid again. This time the mom of the kid hardly talked to us, and she told me they fed the baby in their house and changed him, in hopes he wouldnt wake up, since she would never give the baby a pacifer, even if we suggested it, and that because of the extra onze of milk the kid threw up on Wednesday 4 times. I recently found an article that says that pacifers help prevent "SIDs" Which side should I took?

Answer 1

Most new moms listen to their pediatrician and faithfully follow thier instructions on feeding babies. Your mom learned a long time ago through experience what works and what does not.

If the extra ounce of milk was going to make the baby sick, it would have vomited it up before Wednesday. If it was crying non-stop before the extra ounce of milk, it already had a tummy-ache, colic or whatever and caused the spitting-up on Wednesday. (It is also normal for babies to spit up.)

Please try to understand the new mom's overprotectiveness because she is trying to do what the doctor told her. But also take pride in your mom because it sounds like you came out just fine.

Pacifiers were the best thing that ever happened when my 3 kids were babies. I followed my old family doctor's instructions... I weaned them from their bottles at 12 months and took pacifier away at 14 months of age. He told me they were crying at 2 months of age because the formula was not satisfying them and to mix a little rice baby cereal with their formula. They were happy and slept all night after that - no colic either.

These extremely healthy kid's teeth were perfectly shaped as they grew up so I don't buy into the "pacifiers cause crooked teeth" story. I suppose that could happen if the mom is allowing a kid who is 3 - 5 years old to still be sucking on one.

Thank you for this question and tell your mom to hang in there and enjoy her grandbaby because everybody has to learn as their go.

Answer 2

The choice to use a pacifier is very personal. If the mother wishes not to use one, than let it be. It's her child, let her raise it her way. There is no harm in a baby using a pacifier. I've also read it helps reduce SIDS & a pacifier can be comforting to a baby, some babies just need to suck. At the same time, some mothers feel the baby will get bucked teeth or will have troubles breast feeding & eating properly. It's beyond me why the doc said no to a pacifier. I think your Mom did the right thing to give the baby just 1 more ounce of milk, maybe he was hungary for more food. The babies mother should not have gotten mad at your Mom, she was just trying to find ways to comfort him. To stop any conflict, do as the mother says. If they baby is crying, try other methods to calm him such as rocking, walking, rubbing his tummy, etc.

Answer 3

First of all one ounce of extra formula will no make the baby throw up. Lack of proper burping will. Your sister in law will live through many sleepless nights without giving the baby a pacifier. My oldest would never take one, but my youngest would. She would settle right down and go to sleep. It makes no sense that the baby is sucking on a nipple, but can not be given a pacifier which is just like a nipple. Some new parents live by what a pediatrician says. They need to look outside the box. You Mom was only trying to help them. Your sister in law needs to chill out. She'll learn, til then I'd just keep my mouth shut, or keep a pacifier in it!! :-)

Answer 4

I am a mother of 3, and I have never heard that children shouldnt have pacifiers (2 of mine did). I have heard that they help prevent SIDS because it keeps the babies air passage open. However, I think that the best thing to do is keep quiet about how you feel. The mother is a new mom and lots of us are over protective with our first child. If she doesnt want to give the baby a pacifier, then that is her choice. Just try your best not to take sides, because then everyone could end up mad at you. (august 18 is also my bday)

Answer 5

You don't take any sides. She is the mother, your brother is the father, and what they say goes.
They know the feeding schedule, and there are probably good reasons for having one, like the baby becoming sick, bedtimes, and interfering with sleep.
You and your mother need to respect the parents, and treat their child as they would like him to be treated.
You may not feel as if it's a big deal giving a pacifier, but when you have kids, there will be things you feel strongly about as well. And it hurts to not be respected by your family, especially when it has to do with raising your kids.
Your mom should know how your brother feels, I'm sure she had a buttin'-in kind of person in her life when you are were little.

Answer 6

The best thing to do is to just let her raise her child the way she sees fit. I know that your mom means well, and is not trying to overule her say, but in this case she probably isn't helping. If she keeps getting into it, they may not bring the baby over anymore, and that is not what you want. The mother of the baby will soon realize that the baby will eat what and when it wants. She cannot control when he is hungry or not. As for the pacifier thing, yes I have heard that it prevents SIDS, because it does not allow the baby to fall into a deep REM sleep due to the sucking. They will wake easier if their breething is restricted. I have given both of my children pacifiers and they are fine. My son has to have something in his mouth to suck on all of the time. I hope all works out for you!!!

Answer 7

well, don't worry about taking sides, but both your mom and your sister-in-law are being a bit over-bearing...
it's the parent's choice wether to give a baby a pacifier, and how much to feed baby...not grandma's...
remember, things were different in the your mom's generation...back then mom's let baby decide what was best for them, but now for some reason, new mom's are being stuck up the pediatrician's butt...mostly because of the fact that they're too lazy to deal with baby when he wants or needs something, so they put him on a schedule...

in either case...i highly doubt that 1 oz. of formula would make baby THROW UP 4 times...there's a big difference between throw up and spit up...and i'm sure the baby just spit up...

but we all know that new mothers can over exhaderate, we all did it at one point, and they're over protective, and they don't want anyone making decisions, and they're flat out insaine...i'm sure your mom knows this, and she's not really taking it to heart, but she also thinks she knows what's best for that baby...how many kids did she raise??...

so hopefully you get my point, and maybe you should let your mom read my answer...

Answer 8

Don't take sides. Gently ask your mom not to advise unless asked. You can suggest to them that maybe they ought to talk to their doc if the baby is still having problems with throwing up his milk. For all you young mothers reading these answers: Cassandra is totally wrong. Yes breastfeeding IS the best way to go but not always possible. And , for a colicky baby, a pacifier is a lifesaver. Babies give them up when they are ready for the most part anyway. Thumbsucking too. So, you ARE REAL MOTHERS. Take it from me. We had 8 of our own and the Lord gave us 6 more.

Answer 9

Don't get involved.

Babies cry. Even if they are fed and have a clean diaper. Maybe the baby was a little hungry or wanted to suck, but don't interfere with someone else's baby unless there's something seriously wrong. The parents probably can read their baby the best. (And babies can overeat when bottle feeding). If they choose to forgo the pacifier, that's their choice.

Answer 10

New moms are protective, esp if it is the first baby. Your mom should surely remember that. All in all, I think it is just hard to be the MIL and not the mother. I hate to say it, but probably no advice your mom gives will be appreciated. I know that is how I feel about my MIL -- who was opposed to breast feeding and so much more. I was not a fan of pacifiers. I think you have to let your SIL and your brother make the choices and live with them. They are the parents, bottom line. Don't take a side. Stay out of it. Tell you mom, she can say what she wants when it is your baby, but to keep her ideas to herself with her DIL -- it will only upset her. My son is only 2, but this is what I know about being a MIL already!