I am a 25yo female. At the age of 17 I began counseling for sexual abuse I faced from the age of 4 or 5 to this age. My counselor was married and a well-respected pastor. Around the age of 18-19, our relationship became very emotionally involved as well as sexual and he and his wife moved to the town I was going to college in. I respected his wife and felt horrible for what was going on, though when I tried to discuss this with him, he was adament that this wasnt wrong nor was it adultery(she didn't know what was happening). Finally at the age of about 22 I graduated and moved away and ended things with him. I wrote him a letter telling him that our relationship was wrong and unhealthy &that I would not talk to him anymore. My question...now that it has been 3 years, I want to talk long distance with he & his wife to let them know how things are going as they knew the depths of how bad things were, had done alot for me & really cared despite the sick relationship. Is this a bad idea?
2006-09-24 15:53:20 · 18 answers · asked by emmma543 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What kind of screwed up system lets a man counsel a sexual abuse survivor BY HERSELF? That's why the Bible advises against such things.
You actually want to thank this guy?! Come one!
That's like thanking Hitler for the lovely artwork he created.
What a sick man! What's your real reason for wanting to contact him? Imagine if you had a daughter and she said the same thing to you. Wouldn't you flip? And want that guy to lose any counseling credentials? Not only did he take advantage of an abused person (although you wree old enough to know better, and eventually did so), he tried to convince you it wasn't adultery.
Anyone can make a mistake, but then he tried to say it wasn't even wrong?! I'll ask again: What's your real reason for wanting to contact him?
Don't you think he should be reprimanded? What if he's still doing that to others? You know you're not the first, right? You can't be the last. What if his wife found out and forgave him? Your contact with them might dredge up terrible memories and feelings.
To answer your question, that's one of the most horrendously bad ideas I've ever heard of.
If you've really healed of your issues, please let others do so also. I pray all of you have healed or are well on that path.
But honestly if you were abused as a kid, then abused AGAIN as a teen by someone you trusted who played w/ your head, you probably still need many more years of therapy. Your question makes me think you still need help. And I'm being genuine here. So no offense.
Best, G.
2006-09-24 16:36:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a bad idea. U probably still have feelings for him. he was wrong to let u n' him have a sexual relationship together. U were sexually abused when u were young and as a person who listened to u u felt that he understood how u felt and so u had a relationship with him. He knew what he was doing. You should not have a relationship with him period. Your deep dark secret will keep bothering u and start bothering u even more if u start talking to him. He doesn't really have feelings for u even if u think he does. He was only using u. i know it's hard top believe but trust me I have been in a similiar situation. If you tell his wife about what happened she will hate u, u will ruin their relationship, and if others hear about what happened they will be mad at u n not him. u will ruin ur reputation. i seriously advise u too go to counseling. Get a female counselor this time.
2006-09-24 23:07:03 · answer #2 · answered by The All Knowing Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let sleeping dogs lie. The "counselor" crossed the line. He was married and a "well-respected pastor" who cheated on his wife and had a sexual relationship with a teenager. What a low life.
2006-09-24 23:04:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let go. Don't bring up the past.... it may wound somebody's heart..... maybe things back there is going just fine... if he have another relationship with another patient.... it's his problem..... now it's about you and moving on to the future.... i know you feel bad about your past and all those sick things. and you want to confront your nightmare..... but sometimes things doesn't work the way you think it will be....
I suggest you set a date with psychiatrist or a counseling session ..... fill your time with healthy activities.... it's time you get something special for yourself, cause you deserve it.... good luck
2006-09-24 23:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by pheobe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOOOOOOO!
He abused his position and your trust. It WAS adultery and it WAS wrong as a counselor and a Pastor.
He didn't help you with your abuse, he continued it.
If you talk to him and his wife, let her know what happened between you. Then she can decide whether she believes him or you and make her own choices. This guy may be abusing other girls. Don't be silent.....
You went through hell, don't let it go on for others.
Good luck and my prayers go with you. Stout heart!
2006-09-24 23:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by lmcbuilder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not contact this man or his wife. It is not in your best interest. I am glad that you no longer live in the same town as any of these people who took advantange of you. Find some real counseling and focus on healing these tremendous hurts in your life. Right now, the most important relationship for you to foster is the one you have with yourself. You are too valuable to allow yourself to possibly be compromised in this manner. Best of luck.
2006-09-24 23:04:49 · answer #6 · answered by sm2f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude did nothing for you he just used you cuese he knew he could..when you talk sex to a girl enough you can almost count on getting some...And."this wasnt wrong nor was it adultery(she didn't know what was happening)."I dont get that statement dude was sick and wrong for using his power of the church to get in your pants and his wife should be made aware of this and his whole congergation should be made aware of it! You have a distored view of what is right as far as sex goes cuese of repeated abuse and you should seek real help!
2006-09-24 23:04:03 · answer #7 · answered by james F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you want him panting down your neck, you should stay far far away and never talk to them again. If you want them to know that you are okay, perhaps one of your parents could run into them somewhere and just let them know that you are doing okay, unless you don't have a good relationship with your folks, which might be the case, given that you had issues that they were probably involved in.
2006-09-24 22:57:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a letter to let them know how you are doing but don't put a return address on it. That will just give him a chance to write back and possibly start things over again.
2006-09-24 23:18:12 · answer #9 · answered by angie1977c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He took advantage of you in a very emotional state. I would just move on with your life. It sounds like you are going in the right direction, why change that path? I would not write them. I would just move forward :)
2006-09-24 23:00:41 · answer #10 · answered by XxbrooklynnxX 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋