relationship was ending and you knew you were using them to take your mind off your ex? Do you ever wonder if you'll be able to love again and to have that level of intimacy and closeness you had with your prior mate? I am divorcing my husband after 14 years of marriage and I recently had a fling with a guy, we saw eachother maybe 4 times and I ended it because it wasn't right. How do you get over those feelings of loneliness and emptiness you feel when you divorce? I don't want to force anything ever again. HELP!
2006-09-24 15:24:44 · 6 answers · asked by ooolala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
U just go thru it. U can't just turn your feelings on and off like a faucet. It takes time. And instead of jumping into another relationship so soon, pursue other activities or hobbies u weren't able to do when u were married. In time, it will get easier to deal with and u will be ready to date someone again for who they are, not just someone who can fill in the void for u. Besides, it won't be fair to both of u as u may end up being unhappy in it in the long run.
2006-09-24 15:33:53 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I have always been very clear about ending one relationship and taking a breather before moving onto the next. After my first marriage (7 years, high school sweetheart), I thought I could never recapture that kind of 'first love' again. I wrote it off. There were a few flings and false starts. Then, I fell in love again, and it was as strong a pull as my first. Different, but as strong. I didn't marry him as he was unsuitable as a husband, but I learned that I could in fact love again. Now, I am very much in love with my second husband, and have no regrets.
As for loneliness and emptiness, you can't be waiting for a romance to fill that void. That is too much to expect, and sets you up for an unhealthy relationship. Loneliness and emptiness are life issues you need to meet on your own. This is a good time for you to expand your circle of friends. Try volunteering in your community, or joining a personal interest class. Get in touch with old friends that you have lost touch with.
Consider this time to be a chance for self-improvement, so that when the right man does come along, you will be prepared to invite him confidently into your life.
Good luck.
2006-09-24 22:42:24 · answer #2 · answered by burpolicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the answers lie within ourselves. I mean that you are divorcing someone you love or once did you are losing someone special a part of that was happier times. You should be sad and you shouldn't try to find someone to take that away you should deal with it even if it take a year or two (every one is different). Discover who you are now. You can make yourself happy until that person comes along that you feel comfortable with that is a great person for you but don't rush anything. Go out with friends and occupy your time with things and people that make you happy. To thine own self be true. Good luck
2006-09-24 22:39:54 · answer #3 · answered by jennifer e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to get lots of advice from experienced people here, and they mean well and are very insightful people. A good bunch. Your life, your feelings, your pain and your journey are yours alone, but you'll recover, not now--when it' s time, just like the rest of us. Welcome to the world's largest club. I do have one thing though, why do so many people think an "affair" is something more than a little excitement in a more or less humdrum life? Why Golly! I haven't lost it after all. Isn't it true that we go at sex with a new squeeze with ten times the energy we use with our wife or hubby? Thought nobody else was like that, didn't ya? goodluck----Rat
2006-09-24 22:54:25 · answer #4 · answered by Raptor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After my divorce I was so busy. My family, friends, job, house work, etc. occupied so much of my time. 2 years later I thought about dating but my time was very limited as it was. Then one day when I least expected it, someone special entered my life and I make the time to spend with him. He's a sweety and worth every minute we spend together.
2006-09-24 22:29:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear friend, I have been through this, and it is tough. Try to become surround yourself with friends and family. I know that you want to become intimate, but do not use that as an excuse to fill your void. You will know when you are ready. Also, try to find a local church and get some counseling. Don't rush it. You will know when the time is right.
2006-09-24 22:30:19 · answer #6 · answered by croc hunter fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋