I can not take this, I have tried!!!You help me tell me what you think.?

Question

My husband and i have been married for almost 5 years and he is not in touch with people no where close to us and there is no way that i have the time to spend to pull him out one more time. We have been here together in the same house all day and he has not said a word to me or my 10 year old son. He slept on the couch last night just like he always does. I am 45 and i do not have the time to spend on him. It will take more than i have. I love our house and all of things that we have but i do not see anything left here. I can not stand for him to touch me. We have not had sex in over a year. He is lazy. No hugs!!! Barely kisses Hello and good-bye. No holding hands. This stuff was never there. I married him for the wrong reason and that was to give my children a home and a family. That was my fault. But i can not take the blame for how he acts. I have really tried. We do nothing and go nowhere. I love to do both. Help me here! what can you offer

Answer 1

If this has been an ongoing issue and you have made attempt after attempt then maybe the time has come to make that change for yourself and your kids. If he is dead to your relationship, you will decay as well, not to mention your children.
I do understand your situation. You're still young and want to be active and loved emotionally and physically. We only get one life to live and he is CHOOSING to be dead weight in a non productive marriage. Consider all your options carefully. Maybe a seperation is in order to test the water and see if he'll come around. Chances are he wont, but you may have to prove this to yourself before you take the divorce plung. Leave no stone unturned before you file, but do what you must to live a joyful life.

Answer 2

Your side of the story is desparate & slightly disjointed. I am certain that if your last line,
"We do nothing and go nowhere. I love to do both. Help me here! what can you offer"
is to make any sense, we are to understand that you ARE anxious to do SOME thing and go SOME where. In which case it is concievable that the couch man needs to know your intentions in NO uncertain terms. If I was him, I might be confused, too. The presence of a 10 year old boy is clear, but the sibling(s) is/are fuzzy!
The attention from Mr. 5 yr man has been understandablely 'stunted' with your remark,
" I can not stand for him to touch me. We have not had sex in over a year. He is lazy."
The counselling by a pastor, clinical professional , support group or Doctor could assure that you're both of like mind & have the welfare of each other & the young boy (& ?) in mind to improve everyone's position in a family setting or agree the party's over.
It's not rocket science but it requires some adult responsibility. That seems to be missing. The ADULT RESPONSIBILITY for you has been at least 10 years while your festering dissatisfaction with your husband cannot be but 5 years.
He has had half the time as you to display ADULT RESPONSIBILITY but neither of you are accomplishing the NECESSARY responsibility.
The only hope for your family is IN your family.
Sorry, we can't offer you more than you already have!
Our prayers for your family will go unanswered without some resolutions WITHIN your family.
In my objective opinion, your question is posed to allow the reader to render you a 'pass' on your responsibilites towards your husband & it just isn't acceptable to MY standards, especially without hearing the 'otherside' of the circumstances & considering the minor(s) involved.
It's certainly a difficult situation & will require more than a strangers paragraph to fix but it's never hopeless until all prayers end. Your ability to pray to accept the reality is your best asset.;-|

Answer 3

You have to ask yourself what you really want. You said you cant stand for him to touch you but then you compalin that he doesnt give you kisses or hugs. Stop think about him and think about you and your son and what is best for the two of you. If you feel you can go through the motions of trying to talk to him and work things out then so be it. If you feel that you are to the point where you dont want to try the let him know. But no matter what happens you need to talk to you husband about whats going on and how its affecting you and your son. it can be hard letting go of someone after being with them for so long and it can be hard staying with someone that shows you no attention. you just need to decide which way you want to go.

Answer 4

Wow roomate syndrom.. so stop.. u cant do it anymore so stop .. do things for u and ur son.. act as though ur husband doesnt exsist why are u letting him hold u back from having a life, if he wants to be depressed to the point that he is a bump on a log then let him.. dont let him sink u and ur son into his depression.. let him know "hey when u want to really work on us.. let me know" .. then go do things.. as if he's no more then a roomate, go have fun do things with gf's and ur son.. dress more confident.. and feel more confident eventually he'll get sick of watching the world move with out him..

Answer 5

Can't offer much except you have done the kids a disservice because they very well sense the tension and dysfunction in the house (and probably think it is their fault as dumb as that is, or assume that's the way all homes are--one is about as bad as the other).
I don't understand your "pull him out one more time." Pull him out of what? Depression?
There are enough problems you mention that it seems to me you need counseling or therapy to get your head clear. We've all made decisions we regret and some of them are real beauties. Get yourself some help and then do what you need to do.

Answer 6

I'm sorry about that babe.my mum was in the same situation at the same age.either he loves you and wants to work on it or not.tell him you want to leave see what he says.if he says fine then you know that its over.I'm sorry for your child but if your husband is making it a hostile environment then that's even worse for your child.they need to be happy first and foremost.AND SO DO YOU.move to your mums or some were safe if hes aggressive.let him know how you feel first and watch hes reaction.don't be angry be calm and just spill the beans.your not happy and want it to work.then if hes willing talk to him about counseling.don't fuel the anger it may get worse. I hope things work out.take care you deserve it.

Answer 7

Tell him what you are telling us. Get some counseling. If things don't improve after making a very serious attempt on both your parts to improve your life, divorce him. You are young enough to make another life with someone else if he doesn't want you. Protect the children from the hurt as best you can.

Answer 8

Kick his sorry #$$ out the door........now!!!! If he is not contributing to the marriage either financially or emotionally, he is totally worthless and doesn't deserve the air he breathes. This doesn't sound like a good environment for either you or the kids. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this is how a marriage should be? They deserve better, and so do you. Get rid of him!!!!!!!!! Before it's too late.

Answer 9

if its over move on get a divorce u most likely would get the house an the kids plus he will have to pay u child support its not that bad there's plenty of men out there that would love to be with u

Answer 10

1. Write him a letter and see the response
2. If no response, go to see a professional marriage counsellor
3. Still no use, are you prepared to keep suffering or cut it short.

I assume you have most, if not all, the facts mentioned in your question.