Should I confront my boyfriends parents? Or should I have him do it?

Question

I've dated their son for 2 years. Within this time (and seeing them a few times per month), they never acknowledge what I say. If I have any input in the discussion they're having, they choose not to hear it. His parents ask things like; how's school.. how are your dogs etc, but that's it.. the conversation ends no matter what.

I tested them again tonight to see if it happened and alas, it did.

What is their problem, what do I do and should I confront them? Or have the bf do it? I hate to break it to his parents.. but I will be w/him for a long time so they can get used to it.

The only time I have an extended conversation is w/his mom. Well, she talks to me about the new cabin they're building and her new crafts she's making.

Answer 1

The parents have found a polite way of excluding you. They tolerate your presence because of their son. Possibly something about the relationship offends them. Try to have bf find out specifically what it is. I will assume the offense is not intentional and it is easy enough to go and explain the situation and apologize if necesesary.

It may very well be that she is afraid you can never love him the way she does. For the most part hostility is born of fear. Reassure her that her son has earned your love and respect. Let her know that one of the reasons he is special is because there is trust in the relationship. Tell her you want to be with his family because they are part of who he is.
Tell her honestly that it hurts you and him when they force you to be separated from interaction with the people who love him and whom he loves.

His mother may just ease up if she sees that you will be responsible in this realtionship. She may never hear what you are saying. Or maybe eventually she can come to some acceptance. At least you can sleep at night knowing you made the effort.

Answer 2

Don't confront them. That would be the kiss of death to any potential friendly relationship with them.

Talk to your boyfriend, let him know how it makes you feel to be left out/ignored in the conversations. See if he would make an effort to pull you into the conversations - something along the lines of "Sarah (or whatever your name is) had the same problem, didn't you Sarah?" and that gives you an opening. Pretty much any question, on subject, directed your way to allow you the chance to have a opportunity to talk should do the trick.

It is possible that they really don't realize they are shutting you out of the conversation. Most people don't mean to be rude. Give them the benefit of the doubt and see if your boyfriend is willing to pull you into the conversation. That does NOT mean you should monopolize the conversation - stay on point, be intelligent in your answers, then turn the conversation back over to someone else.

Maybe your boyfriend's parents never learned those sorts of social skills. Be patient if that is the case. It is never too late for them to learn. That doesn't mean they will ever be really good at it, but they might, given time and some "help" from your boyfriend.

Intelligent conversationsalists are not born - it is a learned skill.

Answer 3

Isn't that cute! You stole there little baby boy.
Seriously. Your boyfriend should have put his parents in check from the beginning. You may have spoken to your boyfriend numerous times of being excluded/ignored. No doubt, he blew you off.
You do have a choice: a) continue to be disrespected; b) Ask the parents cordially, why do they insist on disrespecting you; c) Chalk up the relationship and move on with your life. If, your boyfriend decides you are more important. Then, he will in your presence, let his parents know you are a part of his life and you must be respected.

Answer 4

Most fathers don't really talk to you, because he probably just wants to see his son. As for the mother, she seems kind of self centered. Talk about her or nothing. Like other statements, I wouldn't bring this up to them yourself. I think it would start a lot of friction and self defense. Instead bring it up to your boyfriend so he can monitor this the next time you do go over to his parents house. Let him handle it, since he's been in the family the longest. It wouldn't hurt the next time you visit to ask her questions. How's things going. Maybe start asking things about your boyfriends youth to get her to open up more. Maybe the more she talks you can find some common grounds for future discussion.

Answer 5

Maybe they are not comfortable with talking about things of signifigance. Some people are just very superficial and will get very quiet when confronted with anything deeper than surface level.
Suggestion: If this is something you wouldn't want to live with for the rest of your life, you probably should break up with this guy. Picture these people as your kids' Grandparents.

Answer 6

First off, I do not know your age, but one only hopes to be with someone for a very long time.

These are your boyfriends parents and yes you deserve respect, but he nor you can make them talk to you, or listen to what you have to say.

If you push this, you may just end up losing your b/f.

Answer 7

If you have your boyfriend confront his parents that may drive a wedge between them, and he could blame you for it later. You should confront them in a nice yet firm way and let them know that you know they don't like you. Ask them why they don't like you. Don't get upset over the situation. Let them know that you would love to get along with them, and if they had any respect for their son, they would stop acting like children and play nice.

Answer 8

I think that if you talk to them it will make a lot of tension for everyone involved. The best bet is to have your boyfriend tell them how you feel. Maybe they don't even realize they are doing this to you.

Answer 9

Sounds as though they may be a bit self-centered.

If so, then play it to your advantage.

Say:

"Ya know...I have a problem and I was wondering if you could help me. (wait for them to say, "yes"). I was wondering why when I....(fill in with your thoughts)"

Pulls them into the spot where they commit to speak, and also addresses your need to confront the situation.

Good luck.

Answer 10

My question to u is "who do u love" if your bf makes u comfortable then that's all u want, u have your parents to ask u what u want them to ask u and talk to u.