I have a PPO. I have told him over and over that he is not good for me and I am safer without him around. I can't cut off all contact with him because my children see him several times a week. I'm afraid that he might do something to hurt me or the kids.
I would like to hear from people that have had this problem before - I don't need any stupid answers.
2006-09-24 12:31:29 · 15 answers · asked by momandkids 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think there are support groups for women that are victims of domestic violence. You should seek those out in your own community. They can be a wonderful resource to you and provide information on how to deal with this kind of situation.
Even if he hasn't hurt you yet, don't be embarrassed to seek them out.
2006-09-24 12:42:49 · answer #1 · answered by Vicki B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When things got really ugly between me and my ex, we exchanged our child at a drop-in daycare center (we arranged drop-off and pick-up times that were 15 to 30 minutes apart) so that we wouldn't have to see each other. The daycare was great, and they had a number of families in the same situation (there are also programs in many cities that have more secure exchanges, and courts can order parents to use them in some domestic violence situations -- you might want to check into that). Not seeing each other for several months gave us both time to cool off, and we can now behave more rationally in each other's presence.
We have also agreed that we are not to speak face-to-face about anything other than our child's current health, well-being and schedule. And we try to keep even those conversations limited to e-mail. Again, this has given us both time to cool off, and we are now able to be brief and friendly when we do talk.
2006-09-24 12:51:39 · answer #2 · answered by some chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just got through a similar situation. I would take your protection order back to court and ask for it to be amended that there is to be no contact and that any arrangements for the kids need to be done through a third party. In the meantime, record all conversations, amazing what the courts do when they hear what is really going on. My only other suggestion is to contact your local DV shelter, they are full of great resources. Good luck and stay strong.
2006-09-24 12:40:53 · answer #3 · answered by okitty_kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No stupid answers, but a few good questions and a few good options, if your goal is to have him leave you alone, and still fulfill the terms of your divorce:
1.What are the terms of your divorce settlement with regard to visitation rights? If he is legally allowed to see them, say twice per week, make arrangements for someone else besides you to be at your house when he comes to pick them up, even if you have to pay them. If you are to drop them off at his place, have someone else drive them. That solves that problem.
2. If he intrudes on your life, you can take out a restraining order against him.
3. If he calls, screen your calls so that you do not answer the phone if it is he who is calling.
Point here is do not take the bait, sweetie. He WANTS to you react..... he doesn't even care if it is negatively!!!!! He's angry -- he lost.... The best way to turn it off is to not respond to ANYTHING he does---- Don't be there, don't talk to him, don't answer his e-mails or messages. Therefore, he gets no re-enforcement of his actions --- positively or negatively. If he wants some silly question answered, get someone to suggest he contact your attorney or a friend.... And, do not discuss the workings of your marriage to him with your children --- do not tell them he is a jerk, nor that he is wonderful. If they wish to share with you what they did when they spent time with him, fine---just smile, but NOT ONE WORD.... Not even, "How nice." In fact, even before they get to tell you, you as them if they had a nice time.... they will go on to explain to you, and all you have to do is nod.....
Helpful???
2006-09-24 12:55:33 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless Your Heart.. Ive been right where you are. I ended up having to leave the state I lived in for 32yrs! I left my children with my parents and I could not tell ANYONE where I was for 2 mos.
I could only call and let them know I was okay. I suggest having an attorney speak to the judge over your case..see if they will come up with some boundaries for you. But if you are afraid he will hurt the kids too...you can NEVER be too careful there. Talk to your attorney. Let people KNOW you are afraid of him.
I wish you all the best,hun. God Bless You and your Children!
Take Care.
2006-09-24 14:21:59 · answer #5 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what a PPO is, but if it is some type of restraining order than you need to use it. If not than consider getting one. As for the children if you get an order, you can request supervised visits where you are not involved.
2006-09-24 12:34:08 · answer #6 · answered by Vee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you will send the kids out when he gets there. And that the only talk you need to do is about the kids and that is it. Other wise you are going to the police. Tell him it is over and then walk away. If you feel in fear of you and the kids lives I would have it that he isn't allowed near you. Good luck.
2006-09-24 13:13:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ur in fear of him physically hurting u or the children then u need to file a "family protection order " against him, but u need to be able to show substantial reasoning for needing it.. things he's done or said in the past that would make u feel that he may hurt u or the kids.. im guessing u dont feel to unsafe for your kids or u wouldnt let him see them several times a week.. if u were worried about him harming them.. so im guessing its more u , ur living in fear for more so then your kids.. but.. if u are fearing for them.. u can ask for either ask for protection from him with the kids, or u can ask for supervised visitations.. also it would probably be in ur best interest to get social services involved by asking to have a child addalitem involved.. someone that over sees the environment they have with both parents to make sure its a stable one..
2006-09-24 12:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try and get a restraining order. Check with the family court that handles your case to find out what you have to do to get a restraining order---because whit a restraining order you can call the cops as soon as he comes too close.
To ensure that you get proper and updated information on the laws of your state, call the law school of your next university and simply tell them that you are brandnew in this state and could they please tell you a couple of facts such as restraining orders and where to obtain one and how to go about it. Usually these law schools are helpful and do not charge for their advice. If you have any other questions, feel free to e-mail me...Good Luck
2006-09-24 12:39:00 · answer #9 · answered by What Will The Spill Kill? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had that problem
I demand that he calls before show up to pick up the children
and for visiting I had the children go meet him outside while I watch by the window
sonner or later he'll get the picture
2006-09-24 14:10:13 · answer #10 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋