Why do some military wives cheat when the husbands are deployed.?

Question

A friend is deployed to Afghanistan and , my wife told me that his wife has been having a sexual affair with another man. This lady is somebody you would not expect to. Another couple friend went throught the same thing, but they have worked it out. Is this some type of syndrome or something? I understand it is not uncommon.

Answer 1

OhGreatWi is correct. However, I want to add two things. First of all, as a military wife who hasn't and would never cheat on her spouse, I am incredibly lonely when my husband is not here. And vice versa. Even though I would have no reason to think my husband would cheat, you can't help but wonder if he is cheating on you. You start to feel insecure and depressed and it goes downhill from there. Some bases are different than others. My husband has told me the stories of how wives cheat, while the husbands are off cheating. And yes, they just rotate around partners, mostly other military personnel. This is a fact. I'm not saying it happens everywhere, but it does happen. Also, there are so many commands out there that DON'T care about keeping families together. The military is a perfect example of a place to be taught NOT to communicate or express your feelings. This type of encouragement can lead to insecurities bottling up inside until they drive someone crazy! And then where do they turn? Many times, affairs. The military really needs to implement a new structure concerning families and family values. Some commands are good and the people are close. Unfortunately, my experience is of the others.

Also, you don't ever really know what you are getting into with anything until you're in the middle of it.

Answer 2

My am a military spouse going on 6 years. My husband has not been to Korea but has been deployed plenty of times. I'm sure you will hear stories of other places besides Korea. It is just part of military life. But not all husbands cheat. My husband has never cheated and I trust him 100%. You can't always believe the stories everybody tells you. They might be true for some men but not all. If you start thinking negative, it's going to only cause problems for you two. I would just let it go. Only you know your husband. Why do you think these military guys get such a bad wrap when they aren't all bad. And yes, my husband can go without sex. It does not bother him.

Answer 3

It does happen, but it's not because they area military wife. It's like a pre-disposed disease or something. Some people are cheaters, others arent. The circumstances are not much different than a man working on a river boat or any job that requires him to leave for long periods of time. The reasons military wives cheat are for the same reasons anyone else does.

ANN TRACKS had a terrible answer. Do you know any military couples? I live on a base with a thousand other couples and swinging is not common. What an ignorant response.

Answer 4

Mainly because the spouse isn't home being responsible by taking care of their significant other. Military is an exceptional opportunity for young men / women but there comes a time to enter into the real world back home.

They leave for months or years at a time which neglects the needs of the person left behind as well as their own. Women and men both crave attention and to go that long without it is a very daunting task for almost any person. I don't think most "want" to cheat but given enough opportunities eventually the willpower will breakdown.

I live fairly close to a base and once the men ship off it becomes more of a brothel than a military establishment. The bars fill up with women looking for someone to take home and most of them don't even bothering removing their rings. They have the spouse's money, most dont have to work and plenty of free time to find things to fill it with. My friends and I have all been guilty of messing with these ladies in our younger days but they are so plentiful its hard not too. Their spouse is over seas so there is little threat of getting caught so why not fullfill their needs that the spouse isn't.

Answer 5

Why do some women cheat when their husband is right there at home with her. Being out of the country just makes it easier.

She is lonely.....someone took advantage of that and made her feel good again. I would say that under the right circumstance almost any woman would do this.

Women...and men.....who do this are not thinking past the moment. Feel good about yourself now and worry later.

If you know it, so do many others and, she is headed for a fall if she still loves her husband. And you have no idea how hurt he will be. It is possible the thought of her is the one thing that keeps him going.

And you are right this has happened to a lot of guys...not just during war time. It is the one reason I felt blessed not to have a girl...let alone a wife...while I was in the service. It was hard enough finding out my wife had been doing that while I worked.

Answer 6

The stresses on military wives are not easy. She did not join the military and go thru the "training" (some call it brainwashing) that he did. This makes it far harder for her to deal with all the stresses and strains that she is subjected to because of his career choice. Be kind to her. She is likely living away from all of her social support systems, and likely she cannot find the kind of job that she might if she were in her hometown. She also may have all the enormous stresses of being a "single" mother, if that is not enough, she gets to do it while her husband is away, perhaps never to come home. He has made the choices that have put her in this very stressful situation. She has chosen to be there with him because she loves him.


Sometimes people under severe stress, and without good emotional support make mistakes. Many military men also cheat. This is far too common as well. I saw far more military members cheating than spouses cheating while I was in the service. Mistakes are mistakes. But the double standard should be addressed.

More understanding and support is needed for those who choose to be military spouses.

Answer 7

It's not uncommon for the woman to cheat when her husband is deployed, but it's not uncommon for him to cheat while he's gone either.

It's very unfortunate to have that happen. It's something I don't really understand though because I would never do it. I also don't see why a woman would marry a man she knows will be deployed if she can't handle staying committed to him while he's gone.

Answer 8

My husband is deployed right now too... I haven't nor will I ever cheat on him.
I guess some women and men (if their wife is deployed) have problems with the stress. It does take its toll on you. Not that I'm giving them an excuse... I don't get it either but it happens.

OhGreatWi... -- the military isn't brainwashing... its fighting for freedom... The women should understand what they are getting themselves into PRIOR to marriage... the military isn't your normal 9-5 job.

Answer 9

It's not all about the male all the time. Females need some attention and love as well. If the husband is not around not just 3 or 4 weeks but over a year. What would you do?? I bet you would do the same thing!!

Answer 10

that regretfully is how some wives respond to the stress, loneliness and worrying - is by filling their needs with cheating - instead of filling it with their family, their work - the caring for their deployed husband (through packages, letters, or doing something for his return (ie getting a college degree, shedding some weight, painting the house, what ever...) - and most importantly, their God - their faith and their marriage... i am a military wife and have faced deployments and so I know the feelings - but I wouldn't dishonor him or our love/marriage that way and I am horrifed at the number that do... and am sorry for their spouses, children and them as well... and no, it is not at all uncommon... tho I hope they can forgive and mend their marriages/families upon their husbands' safe return - for that is all that matters - is the safe return and reconcilation of marriage/family for them.