She found inappropriate pictures about five years ago, but I told her I did not have those deviate thoughts anymore and I truly don't and have not looked at anything inappropriate outside of straight vanilla porn since then. She wanted me to show her the pics, but I deleted the history b/c I was ashamed/embarrased about some of the content (nothing illegal, but very kinky). Any thoughts on restoring her faith and love for me would be greatly appreciated. I am going to start counselling this week I hope.
2006-09-24 10:33:58 · 24 answers · asked by Lost w/o Her 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If your wife isn't enough for you, then you have a problem and you shouldn't damage her self-esteem because of YOUR problem. This shi* can definitely create problems in a relationship. How would you feel if she was masturbating to pictures and the voices of other men with a larger dic* than yours and great big bulging muscles and nice tight butts? If I'm not enough of a sexual fantasy for my man, then he's a down the road mother fuc*er!
2006-09-24 11:23:19 · answer #1 · answered by Enough 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
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2016-07-21 10:43:08 · answer #2 · answered by Sabrina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her what it is she has against the porn. It could be something in her upbringing that makes her uneasy. Maybe she's insecure about her looks. It sounds like if it weren't for your embarassment at being caught, you wouldn't have a problem with it. I think she needs to meet you halfway in order to get some understanding. If you have been a model husband aside from this one quibble, my guess is that she may be insecure with herself or her sexuality. MAYBE. The first thing to do is to dicsuss why you enjoy the porn and why it makes her feel the way she does and take it from there. If she wanted to see it, it may have been her way of trying to understand what you find appealing about it. If you are looking at porn to the point where you can't go without it, you require it to get aroused and spend most of your day viewing it, then you have a problem. If not, I suggest your wife go with you to counseling. If nothing else, it will help you communicate better. Right now, the assumption is that you have the problem, and that may not be the case. It may be about different perspectives and finding a bridge to common ground.
2006-09-24 10:59:16 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
ok-- the porn thing with her can be an issue because in a healthy relationship you would not have to hide the fact of what you are looking at-- the fact that it is kinky- but you don't want her to know about it is like not sharing something that should be shared between a husband and wife.
Yeah- you know she is doubting herself with you now, in the bedroom and out-- is she hot enough , why you have to go to aporn site to get off and not by her - you now she is thinking those things-- it is not her insecurities-- it is yours for not giving her the chance to understand and going behind her back to get off. If she is feeling bad and insecure it is because of your actions.
you need to be ready for a rough road now- ready to be questioned, checked up on, some days will be good some not so good but you have to deal with it now and ride it out-- you created the mistrust, only time can help and you being patient with her . You can't be mad at her when she questions you- it is just part of it now-- it will get better if you let her know every day there is nothing to hide. ANYMORE-- that is. Good luck- you have a long road to travel but that is what it takes!!!!
2006-09-24 16:27:45 · answer #4 · answered by lilRed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it really the porn, masturbating or hiding it all the problem?! Maybe she'd have fun doing kinky stuff with you and just didn't appreciate you weren't open about it. If brought smoothly and in good context, many women would enjoy kinky sex! Maybe you don't need counseling as much as good discussions with your wife! Be sure she has the time and is in a good mood!
2006-09-25 03:56:41 · answer #5 · answered by Mel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you better just be minding your p's and q's sir. I have no advice other than why the heck did you do it in the first place??? Her faith will never be the same, it might come back but it is never going t obe the same all because of your stupid mistake. I have caught my husband repeatedly cheating online and off hell even witha woman at work again and heck we work the same shift, Will I ever trust him again? NOPE. Your statement says yep Im gonna do it again just be more discreet about it, will you have those thoughts again yep look above "nothing illegal but very kinky" tells me right there you are still thinking about it. Your wife should have been treasured and you should not have even GONE THERE. But hey it is like all men, I know I can try and get away with it oh forget it good luck but you cant swear off it in a week you wont change in a week and your looking for a quick answer to a big problem that your stupid actions created
2006-09-24 10:56:44 · answer #6 · answered by wilderhares 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
you may desire to take a seat her down and confer along with her. tell her the actuality. yet earlier you do you will might desire to be trustworthy with your self. Is it the actuality which you adult adult males are no longer having intercourse usually the reason on your staring at porn, or is it the actuality those women are doing issues that your spouse does not. Or the two. the two way you may tell her, regardless of if it hurts her. That way she is conscious. advise which you progressively combine intercourse into your lives. bypass to the porn shops collectively. %. out toys which you detect interesting, get some physique paint and make intercourse exciting. this might make her experience like she is an element of the act insted of the concern that the act is being executed on. Ask her what areas of intercourse with you she do in comparison to, once you get an answer restoration it. Do your suitable to indulge her, this could make issues greater powerful. because you would be doing all of those issues collectively with your spouse, cut back back on the porn. Or greater powerful yet in trouble-free terms watch it along with her, this could help her be greater well-off along with her sexuality and help teach her that masturbation isn't grimy yet very organic. besides, reliable luck.
2016-12-12 14:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by briana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give her a lot of time and a lot of apologies! I'm sure she feels disrespected and now she probably feels she's not attractive enough for you.I know that would make me feel like something was wrong with me. She needs to be strong and have enough faith in herself to get past what you've done, so really there's nothing else for you to do other than stop your behavior. If this is the second time you've done this than you really shouldn't be surprised if she walks. Let her heal on her own, and give her space. It wouldn't be a bad idea for her to see someone also (therapist) I'm sure it was a blow to her ego, no matter how beautiful she is, your actions are showing that you do not feel that way. good luck to you and your wife.
2006-09-24 10:52:45 · answer #8 · answered by Nikie 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you feel you have a problem, then by all means go to counseling. But I've come to understand that men enjoy being visually "stimulated". If it doesn't cross the "illegal" line, then I don't see anything wrong with it... Maybe your wife should go to counseling with you..
2006-09-24 10:37:45 · answer #9 · answered by ray of sunshine 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, I went through the same phase at a particular point in my life and then it stopped altogether after I met the right woman for me. I am not saying that your wife is not right for you (or vice versa) but I do believe that the need to watch porn to feel sexually stimulated hides something deeper inside your psyche which you need to uncover if you want your relationship to survive. As a suggestion, I would ask of you to spend some quiet time thinking about how you came to sexuality and what 'shaped' it at the following 3 stages: a. Before you became sexually active (ie, what was your honest opinion of women? did you see them as objects of pleasure or as human beings with an identity, personality, etc? did you have any female friends for whom you felt no sexual desires and with whom you could have a decent conversation? etc); b. When you started becoming sexually active (ie, how did you view women then? Was it still as objects of pleasure? etc); c. When you married your wife (ie, what did she represent to you then and now? Why was there a change in your perception of her?)
As another suggestion, if you really enjoy masturbating to porn, how about being honest with your wife (in the most loving and caring way possible) and telling her that you do enjoy masturbating to porn and that you would like to make a request for her to, say, either join in, enact some of the porn you've been masturbating to, or even help her discover another part of her sexuality by asking her what her fantasies are and helping her achieve/realise/simulate these fantasies in question ...
Overall, I learned from that experience that it is best to be honest with your sexual partner and to cultivate that policy of honesty but to always to do it in the most loving and caring of ways so that your partner knows how much you care for her feelings, opinion, etc.
All the very best and I hope that your marriage becomes stronger as a result ...
PS: I almost forgot: being sincerely apologetic and admitting that you were wrong would go a long way towards restoring her faith.
2006-09-24 10:53:50 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
As a wife that caught my husband buying porno movies; I felt almost cheated on too!!!
Glad to hear your getting counseling!! Many guys are addicted to porn!! Have your wife go too; so she understands that she is not the only wife going through this!!
Any type of sexual pleasing should be done between you and her; not between you and a picture!!
You will need to show her lots of affection to help her get her trust back; but you can do it!!
2006-09-24 10:49:59 · answer #11 · answered by Lucky 7 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋