critique not critisism there is a difference - please tell me what you think?

Question

....its called it wasnt mine to give


I gave my love to you,
only it wasnt mine to give.
I gave it freely
with my soul
so i once again could live.

You took my being,
my dreams my blood my life,
and we held our skin so close.

I handed over my heart to you
when I said i would be your wife
within five years he came back
my first love to take me home.

i was torn between my heart and head
and my thoughts came resounding back
to the days those very special days
when he first took me to his bed.

my two men that caused me pain
and took my lifeless soul
it was me choosing now
but i walked out on my own

25 years and one score ten
my men are buried deep
i cry and cry my loves have gone
this old woman had nothing left to reap.

i weep of a life that was mine
i never knew which one to keep
a life gone by that only i have destroyed
now all i do these long long days is weep...

i gave my love to both of you.....only it wasnt mine to give.

Answer 1

It has real possibilities, this one. I would work on the meter some, the rhythm. And please capitalize "I" (I know, you can't tell it from an L and you get frustrated; but lower-case I is simply not correct.)

I would use "When first he took me to his bed" instead of your way, to emphasize that he was, after all, ahead of the other guy.

Also, you do not make it clear why your love was not yours to give. Because it belongs to God? Why? Seems like if anything is yours, then your love is.

Answer 2

It sounds very passionate this sounds corny but while reading i could picture a scenario where this woman is wracked with pain for the life that she truley wants its ok i like it.

Answer 3

Dreary

Answer 4

Sniff!! Where'd I put them tissues. You has a gift hun.

Answer 5

Beautiful and touching!