Strategy for winning an argument?

Question

I am a slow thinker. Not that I think not as good as others, it's just I think slower. I also has a little confidence problem, partly due to I never/seldom win any argument and partly because my parents always teach me to become obedient to elders (like teachers) and be good to others (classmates). As I grew up, I find that many people are exploiting my decent behaviour to their own benefit, such as in an argument. I am not talking about high school kids fighting here. It's about adult's matters. I always stands firm on my viewpoint, but when it comes to an argument face to face, I always have the mental unstability that it's hard for me to fight back, such as a sudden lost of idea to support my argument. And I am proned to lose just because others speak louder to show their superiority or speak faster to stop me from giving my input. Besides I'm smaller in size and this adds to the superiority of my opponent (not as true but most think so).

Most of the time I have trouble with my superiors (lecturers etc). I am afraid to fight back with them because they hold my academic records. There're times when I fight back and I am ostracized in my academic records. Should I fight back or just sit quiet? Even if I win my argument, I will have some kind of bad feeling like I shouldn't do that. Is it because I'm too kind-hearted? How to get rid of that feeling? Sometimes there's fair treatment policy in the uni which seems to be able to support me but I doubt it. Where to find evidence unless I record everything my lecturer said?

Futhermore the fair treatment policy is assessed by the head of the department, which means the close relationship between my lecturer and the head will make the fair treatment policy unfair.

Answer 1

Stand your ground dude, don't let anybody run over you and speak in a sturn voice and look them streight in the eyes when you are talking to them. Be a man and stand up for yourself.

Answer 2

The easiest way to win, is to stay calm, cool and collected even if there yelling in your face. Superior folks want to make there point. If it seems that your too cool in the situation, they become aggravated and rant and rave even more. Then typically, but not all the time they tend to loose there train of thought and forget there point that there currently trying to make. As far as winning goes... listen to what there saying, remember highlights of there argument that they seem to repeat or you remember most and go on the defensive of what they said. If you try to remember what you wanted to say then your going to have a hard time in listening as to what there arguing about. When there arguing, take a seat and listen, that is if you can. Be comfortable because if your not then it plays a bad role. Why..... because your standing there wanting to respond, however your also thinking that i've been standing here forever and my legs hurt. People are watching me, what do they think. If you have to, include people in your argument. Back up what you say by asking there opinion. You may be surprised and also come up with a stronger argument because you can bounce arguing points from each other. Remeber your size in an argument doesnt matther however the size of your argument and points of reference are. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

You have already sensed it. Only mean, nasty people feel that they have "won" an argument. If you are not the dominating type, even if the facts are all in your favor, you will lose.
What to do?
Don't participate. Period.
If you can get a word in, state that you will not argue, ever, and will see the person later.
If they refuse to let you speak, just leave, as that is what that kind of arrogant treatment deserves (and requires.)
If intimidation is a factor, take up a serious study of the marshal arts, and calmly inform the person that you just mean to leave, and physical threats are unacceptable. Look him directly in the eye. If you must defend yourself, do.
I have worked on many construction sites, and have had to confront many fools.
I did study kung fu, and do not fear. I never mention why to an opponent.

Answer 4

I am an intelligent person but believe I have the same problem as yourself. I know I am right but when face to face with someone I just can't think of an argument. I have started to change this. I thought to myself how do others know what to say and when to say it. Although not the only answer I concluded that they premeditate, whether it is someone clever who likes to be prepared or someone who has a short fuse it riles them to the point they can't stop thinking about the issue. The more they think about it the more answers or arguments they come up with.

What I find helps is to look into the future (so to speak), what issues may arise from something you have done or said or something someone else has done or said. Then think of arguments for your cause and memorise them. Next think of the person you would be likely to come into confrontation with on this issue, think what they are like, what things do they say when they argue, what body language do they use, most importantly try to predict what they are likely to say, but be prepared as this is not solid grounding unless you know them inside out but it gives you an idea of what to expect. The more you think of it and what they are likely to say the more confident and comfortable you feel with confronting them. Compare your arguments with what you think they might say, do they stand up, if not think of something that will. If you can't, think of something that may throw them off or put them on the backfoot, something they may be unprepared to argue with or not have an answer to at all.

The key is preparation, play the confrontation over in your mind and be prepared with answers to what they might say, this (in most cases) leaves them struggling to retort.

I realise that in some situations you will have no time to prepare, but if you teach yourself to prepare you will be surprised at how good you will get when in a situation that "just happens" then and there. It can be dull and boring but it gets easier, push yourself through, it's not that hard really!

Answer 5

first, understand the issue.then let rival speak while knowing the issues truths & non,contradict with facts & figures. then smile as something drips!